Enough is enough

So sorry about the debt. Bad debt. I blew over 2k over the festive period and am pretty bummed about it so not out of the woods myself - but I am otherwise financially savvy enough that the Earl Nightingale concept rings here: the debt must go, 'spend less than you earn'. Please work out a workable plan, however small initially, to pay down the 30k. As that starts to slowls erode and you hopefully become gamble-free I hope the gradual sense of accomplishment for that will outweight the dopamine hits you're getting from the slots.

Thanks shimla, much appreciated words of wisdom.
I also hope you can find lasting solutions to this debilitating addiction.

Sadly it can be a debilitating illness for some more than others which can have the effect of giving some the impression it can be a choice to stop. For most it may be possible to simply stop but the worse this illness gets the harder it often gets to just do so.

However there is hope when i take this addiction seriously and put in place all the tools and strategies out there.

Good luck researching it all

tri

Hi Cellochick, sorry to hear of you debts, I too have managed 20k in 6 months and that’s not including all the rest, I’ve been at it for 10 years now, I wish I knew why we did it as it really is a life crippling illness.

You are doing the right thing tho in closing the accounts and getting the help, I’m new as well and being on here is helping me as I’m realising more and more that I’m not alone in this battle.

My wife has done our budget to start paying off the debt but like you it leaves us with next to nothing left, for me it’s good old fashioned overtime to earn more I think.

Keep up the positive moves and no matter how hard things become they will unquestionable be worse if the demon returns.

Best of luck to you

Hello,

I am not ashamed to give you my details, even my picture, I just need real advice. My name is Barbora 34, living in London for 13 years, 10 years happily. I spent 11 year in almost happy relationship, that was the only thing that kept me away from my drinking, drugs and gambling...first time I lost around 4k around 6 years ago and never touched it until last November. The guy that I loved had enough of me, because I sank into severe depression due to my f...ing cebral palsy condition which I hate, and never got over it...I am just not good enought for anybody and we just separated, living together for another year until he left for somebody else, now living happily nearby with his well paid job. Well I went the other way round...struggling to find decent and stable job, working for agencies, although being known for doing a good job, still good enough...

I also realised that I have somebody close to me, my best friend who takes care of me as much as he can, but he has his own inner issues...constantly pushing me in and out of his life. Then my mum got cancer two years ago, and we were really close to loosing her, it totally got me.

I didnt realise that I`m heading to massive disaster waiting to happen. My best friend persuaded me to have hip operation that will improve my condition, my walking and confidence. I did that, but went through hell, terrible experience of constant pain, sleep loss, pain pain and pain for six months, I am still learning to walk again. I joined gym, which was the only thing that I enjoyed.

I had the support from my best friend who I realised is the only person I can rely on, but I know, he is scared to get close to me...

Slowly but surely I started feeling that I do not mean anything to anybody, that I have always these obstacles due to my disability and slowly started loosing my mind. I even went to Africa for 3 weeks, saw all the poverty there which didnt help...

Then disaster happened...in November, I even do no know how this happened, I opened w**********l web and touched roulette again...after so many years. I lost some money from my savings around 1k, I was out of work and didnt know for how long, I thought that the agency will find something and that is that...then I won 3k in one night and this is how the disaster started....I lost all my savings (13k) in a week. I had to call my mum and confess. She understood, sent me 700£, I used that, my ex lent me 2k, I spent it, my best friend lent me £500,spent, other friends 500 in total, spent...

I didnt go home to Czech Republic during Xmas which was again, disaster, I stayed alone, I locked myself in the rented flat I couldnt afford and started using money I do not have...

I confessed to my best friend 2 days ago, he basically understood, that I hit his nerve by saying that he is ashamed of me, that he is pushing me away, he basically questioned me how this all happened, but I do not have all the answers...I cannot expain it, I lost my mind...

He lashed out, never swore at me but this was different, started shouting at me, and I realised, that is it, I lost him, he (also) had enough...but when he calmed down he apologised, told me that he will never leave me alone anymore, that this is partially his fault as well and will help me to get back on track..

I am so dissapointed in myself, I spent about 70£ yesterday, but managed to block everything and hoping for better...I will get through this, I just realised this is serious enough to get help before it is too late...

I do apologise if this doesnt make sense much, I`m just speaking my mind....

Best of luck ot everybody....

Barbora

Hi Cello & Barbora (and anyone else!)

Both your posts rang a bell with me and I just wanted to add my story.
I started playing slots a few years ago as a by product of cashback sites, they would 'pay' you x amount to sign up and make a small deposit and if you managed to win that was a bonus, free money! (or so it seemed).
Fast forward to last year and my deposits increased from £10 on the odd occasion to weekly £50 to regularly clearing my bank account, I was also put on anti-depressants for Gad and pnd.
Over Christmas it all came to a head, losing all my money, not being able to pay back payday loans, lying to my family was really taking its toll on my state of mind, waking up in a cold sweat wanting to punch myself in the face for being so stupid.

On boxing day I told my Mum, she bailed me out for the debt and took on some payments for me, I felt really positive and self excluded from all sites, I was going to beat it!
Yesterday I was shopping online for birthday presents for my daughter and an advert for a site I used to use popped up, 'better check i've done the exclusion' I thought, logged in and I hadn't visited for a while so they had put a small bonus in my account, which I played, then I spent all the money I had for food,presents and everything else, I drank a lot and waited for my husband to return from work.
When he returned I left him with the kids and said I was going for a walk, this was not a normal thing for me to do and he was worried and texted/called me, I replied with the truth, he told me we could sort it out and to come home then my phone died.

To cut a long story short I ended up being brought home by the police after being spotted wading into a river and wandering around with no shoes like a crazy person, I had totally lost the plot.
When I got home I told my husband everything, he was very hurt and upset that I had kept the secret so long, but told me it was only money and that we could sort it out, together.
Its first steps but its all out in the open now, and i'm hopeful for change.

I hope you are both OK today, just remember that you are not fighting alone!

Hello Cellochick, Barbora and Emer,

Well done all, for joining the forum and for sharing peer support here. Barbora and Emer, you may find that your posts receive more responses if you start your own threads, as it is easier for other forum members to notice you that way.

Cellochick it is great that you've contacted GamCare for counselling and you've gotten in touch with StepChange for free debt advice.

Barbora, it sounds like you've been through some very challenging times, and I wonder how you might feel about having some more support locally in the form of free therapy or counselling. You mentioned that you're based in London, and there are a couple sources of free therapy in London including the National Problem Gambling Clinic and GamCare. https://www.cnwl.nhs.uk/cnwl-national-problem-gambling-clinic/

You can call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or try our netline if you prefer, to get more details about free therapy and other types of help. Please also check out our forum post which helps members to think carefully about posting photographs or information that reveals their identity on a public forum: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/uploading-photos-and-personal-information

Emer, you haven't mentioned if you are based in Britain, if you are, you could also contact us about our free therapy services which are available in local areas and online by live videolink. If not, you might consider talking with your GP about support in your area, if you'd like some local support too.

Take care,

Forum admin.

I wanted to post on my own, but could not find the way, stupid really, so just replied to one of the posts.

I must admit I was feeling tempting yesterday, but my friend turned up and luckily I didnt touch anything. And today, I wont do it, just wont, feeling like I can manage that. I am in process of getting a stable a new job first, then get my small business back on track to earn the lost money back...I have my best friend`s support, but to be honest, my bigger battle is with the state of mind rather than gamble, I know I will earn the money back, but I do not know how to stop feeling worthless.

I did everything I could to improve my life...there is one more thing..my mum was battling the cancer, but they found out, she has this mutation of the gene, that instead of helping to prevent cancer, it causes it...I was told I have around 10 years until it will catch me...and there is nothing I can do, it might or it might not...I cannot get it out of my head, and what is more, I cannot let anybody to go through this...I mean, it would be really selfish from me...

Trying to find the positive side but struggling.. the only thing I know, I wont touch gambling again, just do not know how to get my mind straight.

I am currently waiting for the councellor to arrange the appointment for me, I called the line on Sunday, and it really helped. I know I cannot manage that myself, way too much hurt.

OK, got the job, first thing to better future...

Congratulations on new job. We are masters of our own destiny x

Hello Barbora,

Well done for applying for counselling and commiting to recovery.

About how to start your own thread; click on the forum section where you want to start a thread, scroll down to the bottom of the section page and you'll see a blue botton that says 'New topic'; click on that and you will create a new thread.

Take care,

Forum Admin.