Feel Rubbish Today but Never Again

Hi..

New to Gamcare. I became addicted to online slots in December 2017 at the age of 41. I was feeling depressed and gambling was an escape. I got such a buzz when I was winning, I just couldn't stop though... lost thousands. I took out loads of payday loans and got into such a mess. I was so relieved when my partner discovered what I had been doing ( March 2018). He had no idea. Thought my email or paypal account had been hacked. He could see 100s going out here there and everywhere. Then, I maxed out his credit card too. I caused so much hurt and upset. i lost his trust. I also told my Mam, brother and sister and kids. We had to borrow money from family and the bank to get back on track. 

Things are improving now. I have blocked myself from sites. Our money situation is looking up.   But... I am still an addict, I know! 

A few months ago after a night out with a friend I went into a casino and blew xx quid on Pixies of the Forest. It felt amazing to be spinning again and winning... but then I lost it all! as usual! 

Last night I was home alone, drinking wine. By googling sites that weren't blocked I got into one..  Spent about 3 hours gambling and lost £xx. At one point I was xxx pounds up. 

That £xxx is much needed. Our food shopping money for the month.. 

I blocked myself last night.. felt proud as still have xxxquid in bank ( bills money though). Anyway, slept like s**t, my heart was beating out my chest. I feel terrible. I don't want to tell ANYONE close to me that I gambled last night. So ashamed. Never again do I want to waste money and feel so low. 

Anyway, that is my story ( ish) off my chest. Just wanted to say hello and gain some support from this site and members.  

X