Hi everyone, I am a 34 year old male who like many on here, my whole life has been ruined by gambling to the point where I have lost everything and everyone except for my parents and do not recognise myself anymore. Due to gambling addiction I now suffer with anxiety, depression, low self esteem and a couple of personality disorders. I have no confidence, enthusiasm, determination, motivation etc etc. Add this to the fact that I've worked non stop for the past 20 years doing over 50-60 hours a week and have nothing to show for it except for debts. I even walk 40 minutes to and back from work each day after a long shift because I can't afford a car! I have also been single for a while now, have lost all my friends and everyone sees me as a loser. I could go on.
Bearing in mind what I've just wrote, what I did a few nights ago is just mind bogglingly stupid and unbelievable. Over the space of a week having not gambled for a while I won a years wages which was massive for me. I was finally sensing some hope and had visions of buying a car, paying back a bit of money to my parents and paying off my payday loan that I owe. I thought that finally i would be able to restore a bit of pride and maybe get some independence back. However, a couple of nights ago I lost a measly ВЈ100 playing slots. This is obviously nowhere near the amount that I had won and yet for some reason my messed up mind was telling me I had to win that back. I should have just accepted that it was nowhere near what I had won and walked away. I started playing blackjack and in trying to win back the £100, I lost my whole years wages which I had won after a series of losses. On top of this I threw my phone across the room and smashed the screen.
The next day at work I was obviously so angry and agitated etc. I was not concentrating on my work and was arguing about everything. My boss sent me home and I now have to attend a disciplinary meeting.
I sit here today a shadow of my former self from 15 years ago. I had so much drive, optimism, enthusiasm and potential. All of which has disappeared and been replaced by depression, isolation, pessimism, and feelings of hopelessness and desperation. I currently have no confidence, no self respect, no enthusiasm, no anything that you need to have in life. I'm 34 and back living with my parents. I'm single with no car, no money, no friends as they've all given up on me, and I'm in a dead end job when my ability and potential deserves so much better. I feel like my lifes over already. I feel trapped with no way of turning my life around. Like everyone I want to find love and to have a family, but right now I have nothing to offer and I'm not getting any younger. I feel so incompatible and desperate for help.
Over the years I've been in serious debt twice and managed to get through it whilst putting my life on hold but it's like a vicious circle. I now have no money for anything for the foreseeable future and can't afford my phone bill or my monthly housekeeping bill to my parents. Add this to how horrible and pointless my life is and it just makes me want to end it all. I see no hope for my future. I hate my job but need the money, I hate being single and such a loser but I have nothing to offer anyone. I also feel like I have no reason to have any confidence or self respect and people can see it from a million miles off. I don't know what to do and feel trapped. The thought of continuing in a dead end job whilst still living at my parents with no hope of having my own family deeply depresses me. How did I get like this?
When I think about how much I loved life all the way up to my 21st and how I was this popular person who everyone liked and how I was so energetic, entusiastic and most of all, happy, just depresses me even more. I had so much potential which was destroyed by gambling and the debts and emotions that go with it.
Thanks for reading.
Hi S85
First I would just like to say I feel your pain. You are not alone, and you have certainly come to the right place if you want next week, next month and next year to be better than today.
To be practical though you do need to decide if you really want to stop gambling and if so, take some actions.
As a start you need to stop yourself being able to gamble again or at least make it very difficult. Put whatever blocks in place you need – sign up to Gamstop if you gamble online, SENSE if you gamble in casinos and get yourself excluded from any high street bookies if you use them. Maybe also consider letting someone else (parents?) look after your finances for a while.
Second, get some professional help immediately. There are helplines on here who you can call, and they can help you get free one to one counselling and advise on any debt issues. Many on here also find GA meetings a vital part of their recovery. You sound extremely low, might be worth speaking to your doctor. Don’t find excuses to stop you doing this.
I can’t say any of these actions are going to make you wake up next week with a beautiful family, nice house and fulfilling job (or whatever you want in life) but I can pretty much guarantee if you continue to gamble you will be in a much worse place when you are 40 or 50.
You cannot do anything about the past but look at it this way – you are 34 so realistically have 30+ years of working life left. That is plenty of time to reset your life and become that energetic, enthusiastic and happy person again. Life may not have gone the way you expected to date but none of us know what new opportunities and people we will come across in the future. I am a firm believer that just because life does not always go as we might plan that the alternative route is necessarily a less enjoyable one.
Final point in this rambling post. Try and be kind to yourself. You have got enough on your plate without beating yourself up over your past mistakes. Let them go and concentrate on a better future.
Hi S85 - just read your story and to be honest I can't offer much practical help at all, I’m struggling to get to double figures at the moment. I can offer support and sympathy though - you need to look forwards and try really hard to forgive yourself. Contact the net line or online chat on here as a good starting point and tell yourself that gambling is done. Finished.
Then, give yourself little goals, don’t concentrate on everything at once. It’s going to be hard, but read some of the success stories here and look for inspiration. Good luck!
Hi S85
I just did exactly the same as u so I know very much how you feel! You have to look at it like this though we are only in our 30’s so we can still recover from this both mentally & financially because if we found money for gambling we can find money for life! I know how mental it is to do what we do I often think any normal person would have took the money & ran but really we are just normal people who get sucked into a dangerous and addictive lifestyle. It’s a shameful thing for the gambling companies to use our weaknesses against us but that’s how they get our hard earned money in the space of only a few moments sometimes. All we can do is realise the evil surrounding this admit to ourselves we got sucked in & now kick the involvement in it to the kerb! You will find all you desire if you go towards that path instead of this one. It doesn’t lead us to the right places so we can’t ever be on it! I’m here if you want to chat. Maybe also something like studying a new career will fill the void of a dead end job, give u purpose & meet new friends & maybe a lover. Let’s just put the past into a closed chapter & begin a new more vibrant one because everyone loves a happy ending not a sad one x
I'm so sorry to read your story. I hear you and feel your pain.
Your life is a mess and going nowhere currently... But your life is not 'destroyed' (quoting your past tense referrals)
If it feels like you're standing in the middle of a decimated area then find a place to start and start rebuilding. You've tried shortcuts and they don't work for you. The process you are about to undertake is slow, painful, tiring, incredibly hard and emotional.
But take it anyway... Because at the end you will be liberated from this horrible thing and so strong from your journey that you will feel on top of the world. I know it doesn't feel like that right now but it IS POSSIBLE.
Remember: no quick fix for this. Immense feelings and emotions await you if you undertake the gamble free journey... Good and bad. But you need to take the bad with the good and eventually good will prevail from all this.
Self-exclusion, relqinuishing financial controls, GP, GA, therapy, confiding in people... These are all tools to start developing your armoury against gambling... It will come looking for you again.
Meanwhile, self-loathing, desperation, quick fixes, regrets and self-pity will lead you back to gambling. If any of those enter through the door tell them to f**k off.
Best of luck friend. All you need to do is put whatever you can in place to stay off a bet and the future will begin to brighten day by day... Slowly but it will. From reading your posts it seems you are finally ready to draw a line under gambling and make a life for yourself so get to it.
I could have written your post for you as a result of my gambling... I was broken like you but life is ok these days... I am finding ways to confidently stay off a bet... Lots of blocks in place... You can get to this point to if you fully commit to recovery from gambling and make the best decisions for your welfare and future... Don't let pride or stubbornness govern these decisions.
S85, there's very little anyone can say that will help you feel better about what's happened, but at 34, you need to realize your life is far from over. You still have a lot to live for and you can still achieve so much. As well as sorting out your finances, it might be time to change your outlook on life as well. Make a fresh start. Live from your mistakes but don't let your mistakes define who you are or define your future.
Your story is really sad and I really feel for you. People who don't gamble or don't have an addiction can never understand but plenty of people on here do understand and it's good you've come here for help. Keep using this site and read other people's stories. You can do this.... Start with small goals, 5 days, then 10, then 20 etc
I can relate to many things you wrote. Rebuilding your life may be a long and tedious process if you start now but the more time and money you waste the harder it will be.
Have you considered self-exclusion from the bookies etc.?
Thanks to everyone for your responses and sorry for the late reply it's just that I'm in a really bad place right now and therefore I have no motivation to do anything and getting through each working day is a real struggle mentally. Sillylass I'm sorry to read that you recently had a bad loss following a win similar to myself.
The crazy thing is, after my win I was looking at things to buy on the computer, things which I would actually get some enjoyment from, and was debating whether or not to buy something based on it being a few hundred quid. And yet the next day, after deciding not to spend the money, I didn't think twice about putting 1 or 2 grand on a blackjack hand! Where does our logic go when gambling? Why is our thoughts so illogical?
Unfortunately on Friday it was my payday and it pains me to say that all the stress and anger I've been feeling contributed to me to have another gamble. So on top of everything I now have no spending money or money to put towards my debts until another 4 weeks. I have excluded from all sites for 8 weeks but this doesn't make me feel any better. I still have a 55 hour week at work ahead of me with no money for anything and with the knowledge that I won a years wages and then lost it all. How do you even accept that mentally? I really could have quit my job as well as buying myself a car knowing that I have at least 6 months to find a new job without having to worry. As it is I just want to give up.
Right now I feel trapped and just desperate for help. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get through the next month at work mentally. The way I'm feeling at the moment is that if it wasn't for my parents, my life wouldn't even be worth living.
The money has gone. It's not coming back. Brooding about what you could have done with it is pointless and damaging .More to the point is what you are going to do to break this cycle.
Eight weeks SE isn't enough. Why not five years or even permanent SE? Have you signed up for Gamstop,handed control of your money to your parents, looked into GA? Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hi all, newbie who’s finally admitted to having a problem and signed up for councelling. I don’t know how to start a new post so sorry for gate crashing yours!
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