Hey all,
Just signed up as it finally hit me after so much denial that I actually have a problem. I always assumed I could keep on top of it as the losses 'were no big deal' and the small wins I got back overshadowed how much I spent.
Long story short I somehow managed to blow £80 this week on the online slots that I couldn't afford and honestly what scared me most was I didn't even realise how much I blew till I logged in my bank account and seen my balance. I didn't even think twice about keeping depositing and it's really disturbed me how I tanned through it in less than an hour without thinking twice. I then checked how much I've spent in the year or so i've been doing it on multiple casino sites amd it really hit me hard how much i've wasted. Without even realising how badly I was losing at these slots.
So, i've done the GAMSTOP exclusion for 5 years. I've unistalled all apps and i'll start putting tools in place to block any temptation to access these sites. I'm unsure if my bank will support me in blocking any spending on these sites... not sure how that works.
So yeah, just feeling very depressed & stupid atm I've blew so much this week and it's left me with so little. I'll manage to keep myself afloat just feeling low, helpful this forum to let it out as the mere thought of telling family is a deep shame.
Hi,
First of all, well done for taking these first steps. It takes a lot of guts to admit you have a problem.
I felt so much shame and guilt at the thought of having to tell my husband and family but I can honestly say now, it was the best thing I could have done. I had taken our huge debt (tens of thousands of pounds) in my husband’s name without him knowing, so I had to hit him with 2 bombshells.
Just take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself. The money lost is gone, and the more you keep thinking about it, the bigger chance there is you’ll carrying on gambling, because you’ll believe you can get it back.
The biggest thing for me was removing the guilt boulder! It was holding me back and I was being unkind to myself.
Today I am currently day 300 gamble free. I promise you, you can get there!
Claire x
@d3h0vfnzpj well done mate. Posting here is a great start.
What you experienced in repeatedly depositing without really engaging with how much you were spending is something I think that we can all identify with.
I started losing £20 and was utterly gutted. Years later and I could lose £1500 and just feel numb.
Don't underestimate the people around you and how much they can support you. I obviously don't know your personal situation but I imagine that you have people around who would not want you to suffer in silence.
I would have rather died than let my family know about my gambling, but when I broke after 20 years of gambling and the harm that it was causing I realised they were there to support... Though it was not a happy conversation.
Problem gambling tries to hide itself. It makes us feel that if we tell the people around us they will reject us or think less of us. The truth is that those around us are just waiting to help but they can't if they do not know.
As someone in recovery after 20 years of hell due to gambling I would strongly encourage you to talk to someone close about your feeling low and gambling. I think that you will be much better for it.
@cpparch Many thanks,
I didn't realise I had the problem till I blew through what I did yesterday and it's a little worrying how I never even realised what I was doing till I had done it. Never had that before. Everything i've done has been well thought out so to do something so implusively without even knowing why I did it, was a sharp shock to my system.
Thankfully every account I have have now been closed on every gambling site thanks to Gamcare. I'm struggling with the mindset of missing the 'rush' of winning and the inner battle of keeping myself convinced that I did have a problem. It's incredible and sobering how much gambling get's into your head and in essence changes the way you think removed link I've done the exclusion for 5 years so thankfully no gambling site will allow me anywhere near hence while the temptation is there, I can't act on it. I've never ever visited a bookies removed link Never ever been tempted too and I still have no interest in visiting them. Only ever done it online so i've no concerns there.
@thebean Many thanks,
I'll somehow work on telling the family - in time. I don't even know how to begin such a conversation. I'm lucky in the sense I guess I always made sure my bills were paid in full before I gambled. And that never changed, till now. Left myself short for the Debt arrangement scheme i'm part of - stupidely. So i've spoken to them and everything is sorted there, understanding from their view & they can see i'm actively addressing the problem. I don't know how to begin addressing the 'underlying problem' of the gambling. Was it depression, lonelyness or something else? Maybe a mixture of things. I'm reaching out to multiple support services atm to try and tackle the root cause. Help get back on track to a more healthy & productive mind set.
@d3h0vfnzpj Gambling can come from anywhere. For me it was probably loneliness at first. And facing the real problems in life. It gives you a massive escapism. Your mind is literally on nothing else at all.
I stopped for ages. Then got together with a woman who was abusive to me. I started gambling again and it made me temporarily forget about the things she did to me.
Obviously this isn't the solution. The things she did to me are still there only I'm a few thousand pounds down in the space of four months. It's made everything worse so it is NEVER the solution. Gambling is not the answer.
@cpparch wow... How did you manage to go 300 days gamble free. I pray I can go this long because that would mean never going back for me
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