Hi,
Don't know how to say it because I have been in denial for so long. 2 and a half years and probably 5 days if I'm lucky I haven't bet. Used to be fun and won alot to begin with but got greedy and bet bigger and bigger. It hasn't ended well. Probably lost 40k over the time but it's everything else I've ruined. My wife is at her wits end, my family life has been ruined as I would rather bet than spend time with them. My work performance has been a real issue to. I just want to stop and be the person I was 3 years ago. A proud dad, a reliable husband who took care of all finances and a great manager of a shop. All of those things I've lost because I've spent so much time trying to win money back. In 2 and a half years I have taken four loans out!! The first two I won the money back and paid them off, the second two my luck has run out and am now in a place where I am struggling to pay this back in addition to my mortgage. I know I need to stop now before this gets to the point I lose everything.
I can relate to you so much.
I’m about a week since I last gambled. My partner hates me, I’ve let my kids down.
But, it’s so not even worth it. Why. What is the point. Chasing things that are impossible. Spending £1000s of pounds, win £500 and think that’s great - then gamble that.
There must be a way out of this. This feeling is the worst.
Hi Gary I can relate to you’re story and the life’s it ruins. If you have made the decision not to gamble today that’s the best decision ever! Keep posting and read others posts and use the tools (let you’re wife deal with the name money) cut up all your cards and only carry a few £ for exes! Just plan your day so everyone knows where you are. Keep posting and stay gamble free today! Jappy
You can fix ur life, just think its the end of that era of ur life, turn a page and build
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Thanks for all your replies. I always thought I would win back all my losses and win in the end! Now I know I can't I feel stupid and embarrassed along with worried partly about the money I have to pay back but also about changing something that has now become a way of life. It is difficult to talk to my wife and family as although they try to help, they just don't get it. I'm hoping this is going to help speaking to fellow addicts on here. I've been to breakeven but continued to bet and struggle to go to the local GA meetings due to work commitments
Hi Gary h if your struggling to pay call stepchange. Get your blocks in place, hand over finances, sign up to gamstop. Find a meeting that you can get to. This is important, this is your life, your mental health, your marriage. If your wife needs support she can call gamcare, find a gamanon meeting, there is gamanon online Sunday night 8-9. Don't underestimate how much this affects your wife too.
Beating the casino just isn’t possible. They have all the odds in their favour and for problem gamblers they also have the aspect of greed/chasing losses.
Im probably close to 5k in debt now with all the interest added on only a few months ago I was only 3.6k in debt and I managed to go on a run with blackjack, poker and roulette and ran up a big balance (for me) from my last £100 deposit or so I told myself, if I win something half decent I’ll withdraw it and pay off my debt. So I deposited £100 which converted to $126 and ran it up with good fortune to around $2000 I withdrew the equivalent of £600 and continued gambling with the rest. I got it up to $2000 and was telling myself to withdraw it with my original withdrawal and this I would cut my debt down to £1000 or less. As I was going to withdraw I had the idea to just have a few spins on roulette first and hopefully hit and pay it all off. Well it didn’t go well I started small until I was doing $200 spins with the vast majority of it on 0 so even if I hit the other numbers I covered I would only double my original bet. After I lost it all I sat at the end of my bed having been up all night gambling away and stinking of BO realising I had to be in work in an hour for a 15 hour shift when all I wanted to do is curl up in a ball and hide from the world...how could I go from almost being debt free to placing ridicolous long shot bets? I realised then that even if I did have enough to cover my debt I still would have more than likely reversed and tried to double it so I could be debt free and have a bit of money to myself. The real zinger is that when my £600 came through I blew it all the same day trying to win back the $2000 I had spun away. But the real messed up thing is even though I’m saying this in the back of my mind I still hold a fools hope that I eventually win it all back when in reality it’s just not going to happen. Perhaps me losing it all was for the best as I wouldn’t have learnt a lesson otherwise although I still think about it dail.
Hi Gary
I too can relate to a lot from your post, I am separated but have a 10 year old son who should be my world, but through my past gambling I have lost sight of that fact . I have had counselling for my addiction and depression but with the help of close friends, counselling and Step change I feel I am finally starting to realise life is better without the gambling. Only if you've being or are going through this can you fully understand the highs and predictable lows of this addiction
The bookies and casino will always win in the end. The compulsive gambler is never happy or satisfied, and will only stop once there's nothing left to lose.
Good luck with everything
Bluemountain
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