Gambled after one year in the clear

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(@bryan)
Posts: 382
Topic starter
 

Day 36

All is good. Was conscious that I was spending too many hours on this site , another addiction forming ? On a serious note for the first 5 weeks I relied heavily on this site , constantly checking for words of encouragement from people . It was my medicine and it has worked to this point . I am finding now that each time I visit this site I am forced to think about gambling and when I am not on the site I don’t . I need to keep coming onto this site and contributing , I just need to be more moderate with it . I’m sure other people will agree with that . I know I can help new members and once I have done a bit more time on here and proven myself , I will certainly do that . I’m not walking away from the site , everyone here has helped me immensely . I just won’t be on it all of the time , I’m past the honeymoon period with it , now I just need to buckle down , occupy my time and check in here sporadically

 
Posted : 29th January 2018 8:59 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Vulture,

Makes perfect sense, and I'm doing likewise. I'm logging in lots and reading, but not feeling the need to say too much. The odd thing does give me an urge (its normally the ones about bookies "tricks", "cheats" etc, which makes me want to try and "beat" them), so agree its not entirely healthy to be on here all the time. Just glad you're doing OK ... easy to become emotionally involved as well in others doing well! Cheers. Rich

 
Posted : 30th January 2018 9:34 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Bryan,

sorry not posted to you in a little while, I'm going through a tough patch where I am crippled with loneliness. I too felt that by visiting this site at times it made me think more about gambling. Just come and visit as you choose and just post whenever you feel like it mate, everyone will still be supporting you, it's just ever so important we remain focussed on ourselves.

Have a good day mate

Wilsy

 
Posted : 30th January 2018 10:22 am
Godoicul
(@godoicul)
Posts: 134
 

Hi Bryan

I’ve enjoyed reading your diary and the great advice you are giving out. I’ve recently done a 500 ish day stint gamble free and having decided foolishly I no longer needed the support of the forum I later relapsed. Good news is I’m back and gamble free since 22 December. I’ve decided the best way to stay this way is just come on here 2/3 times a week when I have time to take it in properly. It’s easy to get obsessed with something you are trying to rid yourself of.

Onwards and upwards eh. Take care

Iain

 
Posted : 31st January 2018 9:24 am
(@bryan)
Posts: 382
Topic starter
 

Hi Godoicul thank you very much for reading my diary . As I have stated before you are not sure if this is being noted by anyone and when you are typing it’s just a blank screen . Well done on 500 days and again for coming back after having a slip . I agree with the support . I did over two years gambling free at GA but the reason I gambled again was that I stopped attending . I am not going to make the same mistake again . Meetings that are half an hours drive once a week are easy to miss . A forum in my pocket 24/7 well, I have no excuse . I couldn’t post on your dairy as you didn’t have one , perhaps you should ?

Rich / Wilsy I have posted back on your diaries and thanks again for your friendship and support . I guess I should write a diary entry now .

Day 38

Everything good . Work busy . Pool match tonight and I had money in my pocket but no thoughts of slots or bookies . I still haven’t barred myself at the bookies but I am also strong enough to not even want to consider it. I want to be a non gambler. Not just a gambler who isn’t gambling and there is a massive difference . I am aware that there are going to be numerous times in my life where temptation is there . I want to be able to make the right choices for me by making a decision that I am not going to gamble . Whilst this may go against some people’s situation I carry a company credit card . I have access to cash and I walked past a bookies with money . I want to be a non gambler and a normal person . Not a gambler who just has no supply of money . I know that I have made massive steps to completely change my mindset and me as a person . I am going to be normal and currently I don’t feel any positive thoughts towards gambling . I am not going to be a slave to this anymore . I am in constant talks with my wife about our financial situation and wouldn’t now dream of doing anything . I would say that carrying money for some people is a no no . For others it’s possible . It all depends on where your mindset is at . There is no rule book or right / wrong way of doing this . You can eliminate risk (blocks , not carrying money , no opportunity ) but that is not always sustainable . Some people fabricate the situation to gamble . Some are just not aware and then they find themselves in a situation when they can gamble . I’m different to this and know that I could have time and money and opportunity to gamble but CHOOSE to not do it as I have evolved . I am a different person . To repeat I will not be a slave to it . Ultimately you do what works for you

 
Posted : 31st January 2018 11:53 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

I switched addiction from gambling to this site but aside from the fact that I now need glasses (my optician swears it’s my age, not massively helpful, but I’m pretty sure being on my phone 24/7, reading teeny tiny letters that are getting smaller & blurrier by the day has contributed, especially since I’ve often gotten the website up & new threads uploading before my eyes have even managed to focus when I wake up) & I have on occasion posted real garbage, I have no regrets...It made abstinence easy! I’m not sure if I would have still thought about gambling every single second of every day if I hadn’t been here but considering before I arrived I did, I expect I would have done so which often makes me wonder if sometimes when people start worrying about only thinking of gambling when they are here, it’s addiction trying to convince them to give up something that is keeping you safe?

Like you I also retained my access to money (joint credit card) despite handing over control of my finances so for me the safety net was knowing I would be busted the minute I stepped out of line. Unlike you, I did this 1st & am now @ GA trying to learn about recovery because being abstinent is not enough for me. With 2 years in the program under your belt you are better placed than many people here to understand what you need to do & how to go about doing it. You must use the site as you see fit but don’t ever think you need to prove yourself 1st & FWIW I for one love seeing your footprints around the place.

 
Posted : 1st February 2018 3:49 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

thanks Bryan for checking in with me, your post lifted me to so appreciate it and have a great day today, keep up the stirling work buddy!

Wilsy

 
Posted : 1st February 2018 10:28 am
(@bryan)
Posts: 382
Topic starter
 

Day 39

Just changed my username to Bryan from Vulture . I have always used the name vulture but thinking about it it all stemmed from gambling . Years ago when there were only pub fruit machines , you waited patiently in the corner for someone to fill the machine up. Once they had emptied their wallets you pounced and “Vultched” hopefully winning all of their money that they had fed . Therefore you were a Vulture . How times have changed and they run in bookies on networks and that theory doesn’t work there or online . So hence the change and also to show my human side . Today was a sad day my friend of 35 years just buried his dad . My friend is 39 his dad was 86. A ripe old age and he had him late in his life . I went to the funeral to support my friend more than anything else . His dad was a legend owning a plumbing business so were affluent . However he was a member of the round table , involved in a choir , a church warden and a helper in the Samaritans . Generally a good guy . So that was an hour or so out of work and I was happy to be there for my friend . Work was busy again and I can feel myself getting stronger and more focussed . No thoughts of gambling which is great . I was boosted by some support on my diary from my friends . Yes I call you friends because we are all there for one another and we have each other’s backs . The wife popped out for a while so I bathed the kids , washed and dried the daughters hair and cleaned the kitchen top to bottom. Wife was amazed I had been so busy and proactive which is great . It’s not about scoring brownie points , it’s about being the proper husband to her and a great father to our kids . Difficult to keep up the illusion when you are only 60% there all the time . Leaking roof so we had a guy around to examine . £140 plus materials per day to sort . Probably take a day . Old me would have panicked it’s gambling tokens I would have probably obtained from somewhere . The new me took it in my stride and said , that’s fine please continue and sort it out . Progress indeed . No need to gamble to win it when you have it by not gambling . The fact I am actually writing this makes me realise how senseless that statement is . Normal people manage . I want to be normal !! To anyone who still manages to cope with the ordeal of my diary (we are a self depreciating lot us gamblers !) thank you and please don’t hesitate to say hello. I would love to interact with you all and if I can help I most certainty will

 
Posted : 1st February 2018 10:30 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

So you were a vulture, one of those guys who jumped on the machines after I had lost all my money and then hit the jackpot within your first few spins.... haha I like it!

Not overly chatty right now as you know but have a good Friday and weekend Bryan.

Wilsy

 
Posted : 2nd February 2018 9:08 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Bryan,

Love the explanation of the nickname. I used to do the same on quiz machines ... my one form of gambling where I was up ... by time I left uni, I knew all the answers to every question in every machine in Oxford .... managed to get out of uni debt free (it was a long time ago, so no tuition fees and a student grant ... 60p a pint ... those were the days!) ... used to get realy cross if anyone else was on the machines. Again, you can't win on them so easily any more ... used to be that you answered 20 questions you won the jackpot ... now you have to land on special features etc, which they never give you if they don't want to.

I tend to get stuck doing most of the housework, but draw the line with cleaning the kitchen ... my partner starting to complain about the ironing not being done as efficiently as before ... used to be an excuse to watch At the Races on the tele in the kitchen and have a bet... funnily enough my previous love of ironing is no more and the whole family are adopting a more crumpled look! Cheers. Rich

 
Posted : 2nd February 2018 9:52 am
Christer1
(@christer1)
Posts: 546
 

Wow I admire your honesty so much keep up the gd work. I live need Weymouth arcade been there many times as a child

 
Posted : 3rd February 2018 11:28 pm
(@bryan)
Posts: 382
Topic starter
 

Just thought I would check in

Day 45

Everything fine, no thoughts of gambling . Made concrete changes in my mind set and life to keep me focussed . Next thing to plan for is the next payday and having a week at home on my own whilst the wife and children go to Poland on holiday . To be fair any spare money I may have had is going to that . I will be relatively skint but a nice skint!

Hope everyone is doing well , I am still reading diaries and new members posts

 
Posted : 7th February 2018 7:36 am
(@bryan)
Posts: 382
Topic starter
 

Day 48

Life is flatlining to a level that I am comfortable with . No peaks and troughs . No boom or bust . Brilliant feeling having taken control back . Wife can’t believe I have money all the time to be able to buy shopping , treat kids and also treating myself (within reason as us gamblers don’t tend to be high maintenance !) Can’t begin to imagine my life with gambling in it , not had any thoughts directly . It’s tough when you are watching tv and 2 adverts out of 5 are for gambling but now I can think rationally about it . They put them on because they make a fortune of people like you and hi who deluded ourselves thinking we can get something for nothing . I’m sure you have heard the phrase if it’s too good to be true it probably is ? Well that’s definitely the case with these adverts . I have read a few times on here that some people want them banned , they make us gamble . I just think they light the fuse that’s already waiting . Just don’t let yourself be that fuse . To anyone starting out on their journey , it can be done and your life increases in quality a thousand fold within a few short weeks . To those who have been abstaining for long periods , you have helped me on this forum by me reading your stories and getting your input and advice . To those who have done long stints and relapsed - massive kudos for coming back here , it takes a lot of guts and courage to firstly admit to yourself and then everyone else your slip . You know you will come back stronger . To anyone who is still gambling and dipping their toe in the water to stop - don’t just dip your toe . Dive into this forum and give it your all , it does work and it will work for you if you want it to . I will keep checking in and I also read as many stories , diaries and other articles as I can . It’s working for me so I’m not changing this winning formula . When I say winning I mean winning in life

 
Posted : 10th February 2018 9:04 pm
sjw
 sjw
(@sjw)
Posts: 574
 

50 days tomorrow, huh?

Glad to see you still popping in every now and then still. Sounds like things are going really well. Its nice to hear from people espically if it is to share to positivity of staying gamble free!

 
Posted : 11th February 2018 6:20 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Bryan,

Wanted to pop bye and say well done on the 50 days, and great to see you going strong.

Know what you mean about things flatlining ... still miss a bit of the adrenaline of a more boom & bust lifestyle, but chugging through one day at a time.

Let's keep pushing on in parallel and get to the three figure mark!

Cheers

Rich

 
Posted : 12th February 2018 11:28 am
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