Gambled after one year in the clear

Wonderful progress Bryan. Fifty days since you last gambled and looking bright and breezy.

Day 56

Thought I would give an update . Yes that’s 8 weeks without gambling . The wife is happy . I am able to do things I told myself before wasn’t possible . Always having money . Taking kids bowling , roller skating , treating them to Lego , going to subway without worrying about the price , buying myself decent beers and not trying to get the bargains . We had a problem with a leaking roof we had the money to pay for it without me wanting to gamble . Everything I have just mentioned has money as the main topic . That’s the tangible benefit of stopping . The mental and emotional side it’s hard to quantify as you tend to forget how bad you felt before . I know that I have made a lot of progress with all of that but it’s hard to gauge yourself if that makes sense ? I do know that I am no longer feeling a sense of panic or even worthlessness . I do have blocks like online gambling is not possible but the biggest block is my mindset . Been plenty of situations that I could have gambled on pub machines or driven to a motorway service station if I really wanted to but the simple fact is I don’t want to . I know I can’t gamble again and I have surrendered myself to that and to be honest it feels normal . Got a PPI claim upheld that would give me £1200 in a couple of weeks . That’s a credit card cleared . My credit score is improving weekly because I am living a normal life . With regards to this site , don’t think for a moment I have walked away from it and don’t know what I am . I just don’t feel that need to put everything on a diary at this stage of my recovery . As always feel free to say hi , life does get a little better daily . Once you string a number of days together it gets way better .

Day 63

Still going strong . Wife is away with the children and I just got paid which previously could have been danger . This time it’s different . Played snooker every night except one in the last 7 days . Keeps me away from trouble . Luckily I have a few different friends who play so it was different company each time . Treated myself in a clothes shop only went in for a jumper . Came out with Italian boots , designer jeans , top , belt as they had 50% off so still spent £140 but was happy it wasn’t wasted . Also went out last night with my work friends , properly threw some drinks down our necks . I am their boss at work so got a couple more rounds , spent £90 but honestly don’t mind that . Looking into a re mortgage but can’t do anything until December until I can fight the Argos situation . My unsecured debt is currently around £1000 a month on top of my mortgage . Affordable but some of the items like my overdraft are just costing me and not reducing the balance . Approved for a loan to clear all this high interest stuff and will get my outgoings down to £250 a month from £1000. When I re mortgage in December I can clear this loan with some of the equity I have and get it down to 1.9% not the 30 and 40% loans I have . Crazy when you think about it . Also get a new company car in a couple of months . Choosing a hybrid will reduce my BIK tax down so it will save me £200 a month to what I am currently paying . All these things add up to being comfortable long term , couldn’t have considered it whilst still gambling . Going to update weekly I think but I have been popping on here now and again . My mind feels a lot better my mother even said she was proud of my when before she said she didn’t care !

Hello Bryan,

Good to hear from you, all sounds very positive. I know what you mean about the high interest loans/credit cards. Still got just over half my debt tied up on one. Should have an option to imporve that myself in a few months, fingers crossed.

I've got this week off work (i was off last week too). Gunna re-tip my pool cues and head out to check out my locals!

Have a good week mate =)

Congratulations Bryan, sounds like you're doing great. Keep it up and by the way you're talking, things can only get better. Good incentive to many. Onward and upward. All good wishes x

Thanks SJ and little miss . Appreciate you popping by . Snooker is ok but even you can do that too much . I seem to focus on mostly financial things but when you are trying to solve your problems for me the financial part is critical . So many years on a ridiculously good salary but absolutely not enjoying the benefits of it . I’m starting to see that in 2 months and it keeps me on the straight and narrow . I accept everyone has a different situation . I needed to see first hand the benefit to really want to stop . I have no need to gamble . However when in that viscous circle I kidded myself that I had to gamble to stay afloat and have a normal life . It’s complete rubbish ! Hope you are both doing well I do pop by and read everyone’s stories . Thanks again for your support it still means just as much now as it did on day 1.

Hi Bryan, just popping bye and really chuffed for you. We started this journey together, and going to be a huge thing celebrating next Xmas together gamble free. We'll have to meet up, or at least raise a glass at an agreed time!! Glad you're doing so well. I'm fine on the gamble front - still haven't resolved the "why did I gamble - boredom / depression" underlying issue, but at least I've decided that bored / depressed is better than bored/ depressed + gambling stress! Glad you're still checking in - I am most days, although not posting too much on my diary, as every day pretty much the same, and nothing too exciting to report ... I guess that's some sort of positive ... never too late for you on the snooker front ... Ronnie seemingly getter better in his 40s ... bit too late for me since I've backed him big time in most tournaments for last 20 years!! Cheers. Rich

Day 70

Firstly thanks Rich for your post , would be good to meet up once we have done a stint , I’m based in staffordshire not sure where you are ?

So Day 70, all good . I had a dream last night that I was putting physical notes into my laptop and gambling online , really strange one but when I woke up and realised I hadn’t gambled , it was a good feeling .

Had a friends 40th birthday last night went into town on a money no object drinking binge . To be fair in the past I would always be limited but not this time . I still value money but it’s nice to let loose sometimes

Work wise everything fine , the weather means that we can’t get all of our jobs finished on sites so it means it could affect my wages this month . A problem in the past but not so much now

I feel good in myself , not saying I am through the woods yet but apart from the dream I haven’t had any thoughts of gambling . Good luck to anyone starting out the first few weeks are the toughest and it does improve quickly

Congratulations Brian on 10 weeks without gambling.

You have stayed positive throughout and focussed on the job in hand.

A good example for those who are struggling with gambling addiction.

Day 77

As I said before I feel a weekly update is working for me rather than a daily one . On the gambling front everything great . It’s become a habit not to gamble . I have had no real thoughts about doing it . Occasionally you forget that you have quit and the odd flash about gambling online came to me . A nano second about what card I could deposit on . This was soon combatted by the thought that I have self excluded online from so many places that even if I found one and won they wouldn’t pay out. So people the blocks do work . re mortgaging wise in the process of doing something that will free up £750 a month for the family when I clear the last of my debts . A new company car will make my tax less plus a couple of other things will free up a total of £1000 a month over and above the money we had before. So I will be in a great position with absolutely no need to gamble . I’m starting to get used to having money all the time . If I want to treat the kids I do . If I want to treat myself I can . I’m not scared anymore about the wife discussing the next holiday or house purchase . In the past I have said that I seem to focus on the finanicial side but it’s a massive part of gambling . Mentally I’m in the best place I have been for a long time . Sleeping well, in fact a lot of nights I’m tired as I can relax . I’m not waking up in the morning or going to sleep worrying . I don’t have to lie anymore to people around me and that’s also a massive plus . It was my sons birthday yesterday and I spoilt him as I realise that we are not going to be around forever and if I can make my kids happy I will. I think , well I know , that when gambling the important things didn’t matter that much . Crazy when you think some people crave a wife and children . A gambler tends care about gambling more and would risk them as well as the money . Thankfully , my the skin of my teeth , I managed to retain everything and now it’s all got better . Back to normal isn’t something I want to be because I gambled all through my 10 year marriage and through my kids life’s . I want to be better than normal and am starting to go on a journey with my familiy to somewhere that isn’t surviving from month to month or with the limits my gambling selfishly placed upon them through no fault of any of them . Look forward to hearing from any members out there , come and say hi

Hi Bryan,

Great update, and glad you are doing so well. Also looks like the financial position is going to be positive. I'm not updating much at the moment, as nothing particulalry interesting to say! I remain gamble free, although I'm not sure my life has improved as much as yours ... I just feel very bored .... have a trip to Disneyland over Easter, and then need to sort out a more rewarding job, as just feel like I'm plodding on at the moment. Nice to see the update, and won't be long before we hit the ton! Rich

Congratulations Brian. That was a great post which shows just how far you have come in your recovery.

I say recovery because that's what it's about. We have been deluded and living in a fantasy world. For no reason we jeopardized everything we held dear.

We can't undo whats been done but we can get out now and take whatever is left to be salvaged...stephen

Hi Bryan, your 78th day gamble free today, you are doing great mate, keep it up!

Wilsy

Thanks guys it means a lot to know that you are still out there offering support

Well done mate, glad you still come on to tell us how you're doing. Great to hear its going well. Have a good week.