Hi everyone, I decided yesterday to start looking for help with my addiction to online slots. Having looked at the posts I have found comfort in seeing that I am not alone. I have been gambling for several years and can't quite pinpoint when it got out of control. My husband is a wonderful man who has gently asked me to stop several times and like many I had a good win, paid off my card but then started all over again. I work and all my money goes on paying cards whilst he is left to support our family and home. I have just had a conversation with him about shutting down my bank account, using his hard earned savings to clear my debts and have my salary paid into our joint account which I know I could not touch and never have done. I am so ashamed and don't recognise myself and can't understand how I could be so selfish for so long. I said to him tonight the most disturbing thing for me is all the time I have lost by gambling, often for hours on end. I think I will need to talk to others here for a while and hope I can find a space where I can come when the days seem dark and I feel like beating myself up about what I have done, what I have missed and what we could have done with the money and time I have wasted. Well that's me today and I haven't spent any money today which is a start. Good wishes to all of you that have this horrible addiction and struggle daily. I think this is going to be tough.
Hey Jools, welcome to recovery 🙂
Looking for help is where all our recoveries started...It's an admission that we have a problem & owning up to it allows us to deal with it!
There is a school of thought that we should pay our own way out of debt but we were not all created equal so there's nothing to say this isn't the right option for you! I also handed over control of my finances to a 'joint account' only so my (now, we got married last year) wonderful hubby could keep an eye on things. He struggled, still does, comprehending the magnitude of my problem & whilst I'm pretty sure if I feel a slip coming on, I would be shouting anywhere & everywhere for help these days I still like knowing that he would know immediately if I did anything daft!
I'm going to hazard a guess that your gambling offered you some stress release & you only ever started out each splurge with 'just a tenner' or words to that effect? We have all walked in your shoes or been affected by people who have so you will not be judged here!
All you need to do now is figure out what tools you need to help you forgive yourself & move forwards. Have you called the helpline? They offer free counselling! Is there a GA meeting near you? Does hubby need any support because that is available here too! I would thoroughly recommend a recovery diary because as long as you disguise all your naughty words (like sh17) it's a safe place to come when you are fighting urges (which you will do) & need a rant!
Have you considered blocking software for your devices? k9 is free but there are other paid versions & some internet providers can block gaming sites! Breaking your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle will buy you time when Mr Gamble starts pecking your head.
It is going to be tough & there are days when you will feel like you are on a roller coaster without a seatbelt but with focus, determination to get better & support, recovery is possible - ODAAT
Hi ODAAT, thanks for your response. I will definitely look at the software and try to keep busy. I have always liked to gamble. My Dad was a small time gambler but it was part of life growing up, horses, football, lots of sport betting but Mum was in the driving seat with money so he had his pocket money and when that was gone there was no more. Where I live, on an island, we have no gambling facilities, only bookies which don't interest me. If we go on holiday and there is a casino I enjoy a flutter on machines but the discovery of Internet slots was the first step towards where I am now. Along the way stuff has happened so perhaps it was my escape so I will call the helpline. Unfortunately there are no meetings of any sort here. I know our Health Department was discussing setting it up but that's all gone quiet. Anyway thank you. I can't believe I'm discussing this at last.
Hi jools. Welcome to a great P
Lace for help and support...the helpline is great for immediate help and how to get into place everal things you will need to start your recovery from this vile online slot addiction....best call I made over 100 days ago...it can be such a secretive addiction so it's great your hubby is supporting you.. 2nd everything oddat said...I wish you well x
Hi Jools...good to have you here. I too lost the plot on online slots, and have a great husband who has helped me through the tough times. I can't say that he really understands the full extent of my addiction (he can easily take or leave all forms of gambling) but he was able to see that it was an escape for me when times were tough. Unfortunately, that escape became a compulsion. I won't lie and say it's been easy to stop (and I have fallen off the wagon a couple of times) but it is do-able and it's definitely worthwhile. There will come a time when you're life goes back to a place that you recognise and it'll be a much better life without the slots in it.
I think there are a number of things that are really encouraging about what you've shared. Firstly, you realise that its not just about the money but it's more about the time that you've wasted. It's great that you feel that way right from the start. Secondly, that you've been open and honest with your husband. It's hard to do this alone (well, you're not alone as you've got us lot!) and you can work out some kind of plan regarding your bank accounts. And lastly, that you recognise there may be an underlying reason why you turned to the slots "Along the way stuff has happened so perhaps it was my escape". Finding the answer to why I wanted to escape and what I was escaping from (for me, it was triggered by berevement) has been an absolute key to stopping.
Break the tringle, put in barriers, keep talking to hubby and on here. You've taken some huge steps already, so good for you.
LifeBegins x
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