On the edge

I am in the early stages of recovery but i feel better already.

And so can you.lady h

I used to dream about gambling all the time,then wake up sweeting and stressed.

I have already posted this i had a friend who died from cancer a few months ago he was only in his thirtys

He would have spent any amount of money for just a few more months with his family.

I too live with the quilt and shame of my actions every day it hurts like hell

My story is to long to go in to but i lost every thing family home the lot.

It may seem a bit patronising but theres a song i like to lishen to https://youtu.be/pefRCQrQA-g

lishen to the words.

Try rereading your previous threads, then think what you're going to do differently this time - and do it. Put the barriers up, get support from the helpline and GA.

It's for you to change things, for you. If you don't, who will?

BW,

CW

Hi Lady h

welcome to the forum. I just thought I would pick up on the important point you make about keeping up with the Joneses. People lead increasingly stressed lives and we see what others have on the television and elsewhere. Stress depression and envy help cause a gambling addiction

You will learn to let that go and feel calm. Its not essentially about material possessions. Gambling was never the answer and even the gambling industry have been forced to admit that it should not be seen as an income scheme. It isnt and you have seen the damage it has done to yourself and many others on the forum. They have been selling you a dream and they have been taking every pound you have. Thats the reality of gambling which compulsive gamblers ignore as they seek escape and dopamine highs

Focus on that and with further counselling you will realise how addicted, ill and confused a gamblers mind is.

This is now about recovering a healthy state of mind and you must find the moment to tell people close to you. There is no shame in admitting gambling got to you. Your family can be a great help in motivating you and managing your finances

You will learn about the addiction and the blocks you must put in place. A chat with the doctor is an excellent idea and you can talk through your life and how you see it.

There are many success stories on here by people who have taken the right steps. This forum is on the up and up and I sense many more people are making the addiction history.

Being gamble free is a lovely feeling. Im sure you will join us

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

So on Friday 13th May I confessed to my OH, I had not money left due to gambling and that a bill hadn't been paid. He went to work angry & gave me the money to pay the bill. He returned from work & listened as I told him how it makes me feel, the stress, how I want to not have to worry about money, how I know it wrong but can't stop, how I think I'm due a big but know deep down it won't happen, how I know he has a draw full of painkillers and could they take away my pain...I could go on, I did go on.

I reckon he understood it more this time...he looked worried & said he wanted to take control & that in general he wanted us to change our lifestyle full stop, healthy eating more family activities etc. he came home with a new phone for me the next day...no internet, can't even take pics...must admit haven't used it yet apart from when we first opened it. However I have downloaded k9. He's been checking up on my bank balance...says he wants me to transfer my wages to him...something we're working together on...I'd rather he just checked my online statements.

So Thursday 12th or maybe even weds 11th may was the last time I gambled. I got paid on sat 21st and not gambled a penny...it's popped in my mind but I don't want to. But I feel really wierd, constantly checking my bank balance, constantly worrying about money....is that becos that's what I'm used to doing. Will this pass. I felt relief telling him but feel I got a long way to go?

And another thing I've noticed...the amount of adverts for online gambling sites in the evening....wow!! Never noticed before....it's so wrong especially when you're trying to recover...surely if they can't advertise tobacco and I don't see many alcohol adverts why are they allowed. It doesn't make me want to gamble it makes me cringe and feel so ashamed and makes me feel anxious to the point I'll turn over to the bbc when advert breaks come on. Is there something we can do, a petition or something???

Hi Lady H

I can relate to your struggles as my vice was also the dreaded slots, online and in arcades. Going back to your post re money I found that was a huge trigger for me. I was constantly checking my account, working out finances to the penny on spreadsheets, worrying about all sorts of things money related - it was endless. First thing i did when i committed to being gf was address this - I deleted my spreadsheets, I deleted my banking app and I made and effort to stop driving myself up the wall trying to predict the future with money (will my car need repairs, will this holidays cost as much as I think etc etc.) Now I check my account once in a while - I know I get paid, I know what bills come out so I only do an odd check when potentially im coming close to my overdraft and need to make sure I dont dip in. I can tell you this has certainly helped me in my battle - I cover this topic with my therapist quite a bit, trying to understand why money has such a big impact on me and sets me off to gambling. Im not close to cracking it, lots of work to be done however I am certainly not feeling like it is weighing on my shoulders all the time - progress in my book.

My advice is give your wages over to your OH and take the pressure off yourself - as a CG if we can get more and more barriers in place the better chance we have of coming through the fog stil being gamble free when urges hit. I went down the counselling route, not sure if you have tried it but it certainly works for me, if not try GA - its not about staying gf, its about learning why we gamble and trying to get to the root source of the problem.

Good luck with your journey!