Hi
My son has just started university , 50 miles away from home. He built up a friendship group and had a girlfriend within the first couple of weeks. His friendship group and girlfriend all lived in the same flat. He spent all his time in their flatÂ
The relationship with the girl ended last week but he has also lost the friendship group from the flat and is now spending all his time alone.Â
His bank statement arrived this morning at home and for some reason I opened it. He never opens them even when he lived at home. I found that he has been spending money on paddy.com. Not a lot at the moment but afraid this is going to escalate as he doesn't want to engage with anyone and stays in his flat all the time.
I honestly don't know how to approach this. I am seeing him next week. Do I bring it up in a conversation. Never had to deal with anything like this before. Just so worried he is going to become addicted and lose a lot of moneyÂ
Good morning Panda30,
Thank you for posting and sharing.
I can imagine, that you are deeply concerned about your son. I am relieved to hear, that you are making the journey to visit him; it sounds like, he is experiencing some degree of loneliness, which unfortunately, can trigger gambling.
His environment has changed quite drastically in a short time, especially losing a partner and a peer group simultaneously, and leaving his family home, to begin his studies; a lot of change in a short time.
I would raise awareness, that you are concerned, about his current situation, and you are there to listen and support him, in a non judgemental way.
This is a common situation, which I mean with sincerity and reassuringly.
We offer, multiple pathways, online treatment GameChange, which is educational regarding risks, and a service to empower your son.
We also offer, Face - To - Face interventions, depending on your sons location.
I would encourage your son, to reach out to the Helpline on: 0808-8020-133; we can encourage him to vocalise how, he is feeling and hopefully get a plan in place.
We can support with online self exclusions immediately, but most importantly we are here to listen.
For your reference Panda30, I would encourage, you to attend one of our chatrooms' for support. We have a chatroom designed to support 'affected others' family and friends. It is important that you also feel supported in this situation; you can share your anxieties and there will be an advisor to support you throughout the duration of the chatroom.
The Chatrooms are here to help and support you also. There is one every Tuesday from 10.00 a.m. - 11.30 a.m. Â
I hope this helps you.
Warmest regards,
Lily
Hi there
It sounds like your poor son has been through alot. I equally understand being 50 miles away from your son is just as hard. I wish I had a parent as caring as you are. Maybe he's turned to the gambling as a way of escape.. I know for many (including myself) that this is the only escape.
If I was you I'd have an open and honest conversation with him. Also remind him that if it was as easy as to just stop or limit his deposits then there wouldn't be such a thing as gamcare. I often refer to myself as the biggest loser and why would anyone want to loose their money hand over fist. Its taken me. 3 months out of 13 years to realise this. Encourage him to stop completely. Encourage him to install every block available. It always starts small and snowballs like any addict.
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I really wish you and your son the best of luck.Â
Xxx
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I am a 20-year-old university student who has a gambling problem. If I were your son, I wouldn't want to know you knew at all. It would feel like an extreme invasion of privacy and would cause more damage than a little gambling would do. Due to the added shame and guilt, he could also be angry at you and use this as an excuse to lash out. I would be more concerned if he was drinking or taking drugs during this time.
It of course depends on your relationship, though; you would have to decide that for yourself, but as someone in the same position, I would suggest creating an environment for him to tell you if he wants. (if he wants strongly highlighted) as thats what I would want for myself.
To help, I would suggest you call him every weekend and just talk about everything but his problems. Provide distraction or enjoyment elsewhere.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
