I always knew my husband was a gambler but didn't realise until today how bad it has become! I suddenly feel I don't know him anymore :(( I've been aware of him going to the bookies at the weekends for some time and he's said to me that it's just a couple of quid so I've never been overly concerned.
However today I realised ALL of our savings have gone and the bank statement (of which I usually ignore) showed multiple withdrawals to ********* - totalling nearly 200! This prompted me to then look at previous months statements and lo and behold pretty much the same if not more some months! I feel so betrayed and don't know what to do! Please help/advise!
unfortunately i am the same guy as your husband who will lie steal and hide every penny that he takes from your life.......if like me he will try and make it sound ok by saying....i will win big clear our debt and give us extra money with the winnings...but as we all know from experience gamblers never win really.....iv'e lost my marriage due to gambling and i only hope that your husband gets control of it before he loses it all....his 1st step is too admit he has a problem but don't give up on him with your help he can still beat this addiction
The first thing to understand is that your husband will never be cured of this horrible compulsion. He will always be a gambler, just as an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. Your husband will need to acknowledge that there is a problem and will need to want to stop.
The second thing that you both need to understand is that however much money he has lost, that money has gone. He will never get it back.
If you want to support your husband (and he will need you to), you might need to take control of the finances. You and only you have access to any bank accounts, credit cards, etc. You give him money that he needs for lunch, petrol, etc. You take care of everything else. (That's the agreement that I have with my wife - I can't complain, I brought it on myself. My marriage is more important than gambling and gambling is the only reason for me to need to have any more than petrol and spends in my pocket).
If your husband wants to salvage your marriage (and if you want to for that matter), then he must be completely honest about everything, when and where he gambles how long he has been doing it for, how much he spends on it and any debts that he owes as a result of gambling.
If there are multiple debts, which there probably will be, than you need to contact a debt management company (We have step change in the UK which is free and countless fee charging companies). They will help to organise manageable repayments to his creditors.
He wont be able to beat gambling on his own and neither will he be able to beat gambling if he is not being honest with himself and with you.
He must either use this forum of attend GA meetings if he is to have any chance of being free of gambling. He won't be able to do it on his own. If he does, then it won't be long before he's gambling again and next time it will be worse.
Good luck to you both.
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