Hi everyone, I have been with a problem gambler for the - eek - 9 years or so. We now have two wonderful kids who are 3 and 5 years old. I tell you their ages only because it means our life is changing now from having babies to having small people in the family and with that comes a new level of responsibility.
I knew from the start that he had debts and I he told me fairly soon after that he gambled. I suppose part of me thought I could change him… but it was probably more that I didn’t have a clue what it meant. I have read some of the posts in the family section and it is all soooo familiar that's it's probably not worth reposting the ins and outs of our story.
The reason I'm coming here now is that I am more worried than I have been about the future. I should say he's a taxi driver (groan - I know lot's of cash in hand!). He has however been good at giving me a regular amount and he does seem to have boundaries he won't cross.
BUT... and here's why I'm worried now... he went bankrupt a while ago and didn't have any access to credit cards and only recently opened a bank account. This I think has kept things under control a little.
Now his bankruptcy has ended. He's cashed in 10,000 of his pension and upgraded his bank account (I imagine but don't know that that will bring borrowing opportunities).
I have recently tried every way I can think of to get him to wake up. This doesn’t include mindless screaming yet because it gets me nowhere! But I have used the dreaded ultimatum. Unfortunately he just ignores it all. He carries on as if I haven’t said a thing. Short of changing the locks while he’s out I’m at a complete loss. I have no idea what I can do to get him to wake up.
Any ideas?
Hi WhatNow,
Firstly well done for finding your way on here in your quest to seek help and/or advice.
I guess there is no simple answer to your situation, but there are plenty of forum members who can more than relate to your current scenario without doubt.
From personal experience I believe that a gambling addiction can only be helped by more people becoming aware of the situation. By that I mean that your husband currently has more chance of quitting gambling than he did if you didn't know or suspect anything was wrong.
You clearly write very well, so have you not thought about writing him an email or a letter to express your concerns?
I would suggest you could direct him to this forum, but it's not always the best idea to take such a direct approach in my opinion.
Good luck.
Thanks ordinarysunday
I was just about to post a letter and see what people thought about it - great minds think alike!
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