How did it creep back in!

Hi cb.
Firstly it's time to let go of the losses.
If you're anything like me it's not the winning I like it's the doing
Telling yourself you're chasing the money back is a common lie gambalers tell themselves to keep the addiction going.

It's good that you have reached out to a counsellor why not keep the momentum going forward and reach out to a loved one?

Don't let the addiction control what you think is best for everyone. It's generally not something you can beat alone

I've been where you are I was 42k in the hole and I came out the other side. You can start to fight back today or next week or next year. Choose today I guarantee you won't lose anymore money
Stay as you are the debt is going one way and that's up

Chose life

Thanks Dean.

I feel if I tell Sarah what I have done that my marriage will be over. I still keep thinking I can win if I gamble and all will be right with the world. I know this is not the case and I will lose but I am finding it hard to think differently.

GA is on Tuesday I am hoping to go but it will be another lie to Sarah (albeit a better lie than what I have been concealing)

If I where to give you every penny you ever gambled back today
Would you be likely to walk away?
I think not chances are you would be back to where you are today in under a year.
It took me year's to realise it wasn't about winning the money back. But thinking of the losses is what kept me playing.

I can't tell you what to do about telling your wife. But I can say me and many other members found that telling our partners was probably the saving grace.
Just saying to my wife I have a gambaling problem made me realise how stupid it sounded

Kudos on going to a local meeting hopefully with their help and listening you will start to make sense of the situation
Best wishes
Deano

Hi,

Great words from Deano. I'm afraid telling the Mrs has to be done. That's when you'll be able to start again. Telling her about the losses will certainly help towards putting them I behind you and to move on.

This is what I did. So from experience I know it works. As I married man and a recovering CG I don't believe I'm in a position to want or need to hold any type of bank account or credit card in my own name. I want my wife to see every penny I spend. One year on she doesn't control my cash but knows every transaction I make.

Hope you can move forward my friend. Worrying about this awful addiction only makes matters worse!

All the best.

I don't even know where to begin. Blurting out I have a gambling problem ...... again I can't see it going well

It's not going to go well, no but having been in your wife's position I can virtually guarantee you she would rather know. It's not fair to her to let her keep on believing everything is fine when it isn't and in any case she will find out one way or another. Telling her puts you in control of how that happens. It also makes it very much harder for you to gamble in secret thereby digging the hole deeper and it means you can start getting proper blocks, counselling and GA meetings into place without more lies as to why any one of them might be needed. If you can't bring yourself to have a face to face conversation, think about putting it all down in a letter but either way my advice would be to do it as soon as possible. Don't wait for a good time.There isn't going to be one.

Hi Chickbok,

Question for you my friend....

If you don't tell her now, when the $hit eventually does hit the fan do you think you'll be better off than telling her now?

I'd really like to hear your views.

Thanks

Hi Chickbock

Sorry to hear of your situation but as Lethe and others have said you are better off telling your wife yourself rather than her finding out at a later date and getting yourself into more debt ! I can only say this from my experiences as my wife has always found out (3 times) when I was gambling and this is the part that has killed her and our relationship as she cant understand why I never reached out for help and told her ! Embarrassed, ashamed and being seen as a failure were some of the reasons I couldn't tell anyone especially her. I'm not going to say she won't be angry as she very much will be, but from what I've been thorough I would be telling my wife everything and do it today ! I can't say much more apart from good luck and I look forward to reading future posts.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

All the Best

Darren

Hi Chickblock.

Thats the power of an addiction which is so hard to explain. Every push of the button was taking your self respect and risking your marriage. Every push of the button thrived on secrecy because you have a serious addiction

Those are huge amounts but you must face it and reach out for all the help and support you can get. As Woodley says the biggest hurt is your loved ones wont understand why you didnt reach out and ask them for help before.

You begin telling people when you can immediately tell them what you are actually going to do about it this time. This will involve handing over all finances and you are looking for a born again moment of relief.

You lost more becasue you didnt have effective blocks and a support network. Now its essential you have those or you will be gambling again.

Its for the best that you face this and If you love your partner you owe her the information so she can protect her finances. Yes you heard that right....so she can protect herself and help you.

If you try and rationalise what you have done in the cold light of day you will get a sense of the mind control and crazy behaviour of an addict. You wont be able to make one jot of it look cool because it is infact an illness

Part of being a man is realising how deep and complex a gambling addiction is. Being a man is telling her what has been going on

You can get your self respect and dignity back but its going to take work and a long time building up some basis for trust. You must also both realise that it may always be within you but well controlled. You need to be living on an allowance now and providing receipts if you want to save whats important in your life.

Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Well my wife knows.... what have I done! Hopefully we can survive this.

She doesn't have any words to say to me at the moment, she said she wants a divorce. Hopefully that is just a reaction to my shitness

Hi Chickblock

Well you have done the hardest bit I would say in reaching out and telling your wife, as I said I wish I could of done this rather than get caught out yet again ! Hope things have improved slightly since your last post mate ? Like your wife has said to yourself my wife said exactly the the same thing mate and I know how distraught you must be feeling ! As I've told my wife if I've got a 1% chance of sorting things out I will fight tooth and nail to do this and prove I can beat this addiction/illness ! I am 48 days GF and feel a lot better in myself but hate not seeing my family on a day to day basis and this hurts so much !

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

All the Best

Darren

Chickbock wrote:

Well my wife knows.... what have I done! Hopefully we can survive this.

She doesn't have any words to say to me at the moment, she said she wants a divorce. Hopefully that is just a reaction to my shitness

Hi

I know it seems tough at the moment but you needed that moment of absolute honesty, reaching up and facing this is what I am and this is what Ive done.

It is for the best that your wife now knows because you have to see the whole picture. Gambling already took your self respect , your pride and your finances. Any secrecy was just a delusional coping mechanism which would have been piling its own stress on.

Her reaction is understandable and you have to face that. If you start a recovery program and take the right measures she will see you are doing something effective. Gambling can cost relationships but it also costs lives and gets much worse if not dealt with

Deep down we all knew that every push of the button was risking our relationships. Every time I gambled I was actually risking losing the trust of my parents and the possibility of them washing their hands of me. Those were the real risks but my addicted brain dismissed them for its own fix.

my counselling helped me realise I was deeply ashamed of being unemployed and I had lost my way. Im not sure I even wanted to work and wasnt I doing enough to train for and get work even though starter positions these days are very stressful. I had in many senses given up on life. I had very low self esteem which I wasnt dealing with. All this was destroying me and gambling was a symptom

you have to work through this and she would have found out anyway. Most partners rally round with support and real help.

Youve done the right thing. Loving her means giving her this information.

Recovery takes a bit of work but Im sure you will do it

Best wishes from everyone on the forum