I am going to stop

I am sorry you are going through a really tough time at the moment, you are not alone in the way gambling can occupy daily lives for people. There is plenty of support available to you and you have made a really positive step today by posting your story.

Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

I would encourage you to make an appointment with your GP surrounding your lack of sleep and any anxiety you are experiencing at the moment as they may be able to help with medication or advice. 

Take care 

Kirk 

Forum Admin 

Thanks for your comments. 

I managed to get a few hours sleep in the end. Fortunately I get paid weekly and I get paid tomorrow. It wont be enough to cover everything but I've set myself the task for tonight of sorting out a budget to get back on an even keel. It's totally doable but am so disappointed in myself. Last week I had 67 in my account which I know isnt much but I resisted all week gambling and hadnt touched my overdraft. Now in just one stupid nights gambling I've messed it all up.

I cant gamble for 30 days now as the casino sites have put me on a break. I've been down this road so many times. I must have asked them a dozen times to close my accounts and ban me but all they do is put me on a 30 day break. 

So I've got 30 daysto turn things round. Long term I need to deal with the addition but for the moment I know I cant control the urges to play the slots.

I will keep reading on this site for tips and advice. Thanks all.

Constance

@constance Good luck with your journey.

@constance Have you considered to get counselling from Gamcare who could refer you to a local counsellor or find a GA meeting to get help from like minded people with the same problem? I imagine this is the first time that you've admitted you have a problem. Did that help to get it off your shoulders? If so, imagine doing that weekly without judgement? 

Is that something that you could do?

Chris.

@chris-uk 

Hi. Thanks for your comments

I'm too ashamed of myself yet to let anyone know other than anonymously.

None of my family know and I dont want them to know. I would hate them to see or feel differently about me. I'm kind of the matriarch in my family as have 3  daughters plus grandchildren and I am the only grandparent. So I have this image of being dependable and reliable and I dont want that to change. 

Theres so many issues to deal with here.

Firstly the financial impact it has had. I've lost all my savings plus I've drawn and lost the small pension i had.

Then I need to think about how to deal with the urges to gamble - clueless and longer term to try and understand why I did it and how to change. At that point I may well feel brave enough to seek more help.

Thank you

Constance

@constance in my experience it’s this shame that keeps us from facing our demons. Your ego, through guilt and self perception, will hold you back from helping yourself. 
As much as I want you to call a family meeting and shout that you need help and this is the first step, I feel you won’t. Your family would support you. They can help you. By calling the gamcare counsellors or attending a GA meeting you would be doing that anonymously. What is said isn’t passed on, and who you see and what you hear in a GA room stays in that room.

What type of help or advice would you like that you’d be willing to put into practice?

Please let me know.

Chris.

@chris-uk 

I know its sound advice Chris, I just cant. I think I need to accept it myself first and feel a little stronger. 

My vice is online slots. I'm not tempted to gamble in any other way so advice tips to block every avenue. The only sure fire way I know is not having a debit card which worked for 2 years. Then I thought I could trust myself again. Obviously not. 

I think as well it feels like theres just myself to deal with and if my family knew it would make me feel that the problem had become even worse cus then I would have them to worry about too. 

I'm so glad I joined yesterday. I used to keep a diary which certainly helped me analyse what was going on in my head and usually helped me overcome the desire to gamble. But then I thought what if I died suddenly and my family read my diaries and how awful it would be for them to know that I had been dealing with this. No. I cant tell my family. But I would hope that with the support I'm getting on here I would be able to accept group support/therapy at a later stage.

I guess for now it just feels good to offload and be in touch with others who understand. 

Thanks

Constance 

Hi Constance, i came to find your story after you commented on mine. 

Honestly, it's stressful telling your closest about your addiction, but when it's out in the open, you'll feel the weight lifted off your shoulders. But that was just my experience from Monday. But, even just talking anonymously about everything can help just as well. And your talking to people who have been, and are in, similar shoes.

Do you do your gambling on your phone or computer? I'm asking because when I was lurking before making my own thread, that there's a piece of software you can download that will not let you access any of these sites. But that's as far as my knowledge of that goes. 

Keep up the good fight and you can beat this

My family think I stopped years ago. I’m a secret gambler but if they seen my bank balance they’d be amazed. About 95% of my salary goes on slots. Even today I played a game called Cops and Robbers in Fortunes spin mode. It said the average entry was 1 in every 25. After 108 spins I’d still not triggered the fortune bonus then when I did it paid out a £10 mystery! All the while losing my mind, shouting, remonstrating and hating my gameplay. I hate it but continue to do it ?‍♂️?‍♂️