I am here for some advice

Hello panda1270,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing this.

I can hear you and your partner have been through a lot this year and despite the hurt and upset, you’ve managed to work through it all. It sounds like you’ve been really supportive and understanding and this is paying off with how well your partner is now doing.

I’m really glad you’ve reached out on here for some advice and support and that you recognise how important it is to look after yourself in all this too. Your wellbeing is very important and it takes courage to notice and write about how you sometimes feel when you’re alone. I would really encourage you to get in touch with our Helpline who are here to listen to how you’re feeling and offer a chance to chat about support options for you. This includes one to one support, where you could explore the impact of everything on you and work out ways to help maintain your wellbeing alongside ways to help you continue supporting your partner. 

As well as these forums, if you’re looking to connect with others who understand what you’re going through, we run a friends and family chatroom a couple of times a week and also run a peer support email service (which friends and family can also sign up to).

The reasons behind why people gamble can be varied and complex but I want to reassure you that how you’re supporting your partner sounds incredibly helpful and if there happens to be slip ups in the future with his gambling, it won’t be anything you’ve done to cause this.

I hope you can keep posting on here and sharing how things are going.

All the best,

Claire

Forum Admin

Hi

I am in quite a similar situation. My boyfriend told me when we first got together that he had struggled with gambling. But I was also naive and thought that he had it all under control and it wouldn’t happen again. I don’t think I understood how serious the problem was. I always kept it in the back of my mind, but he didn’t give me any reason to think he still had a problem. 

A few days ago I found out that he’s been gambling again and also gotten himself into debt. He said it had started small a couple of years ago but it seems to have ramped up recently, which caused me to find out. 

I felt so angry and hurt by the lies. My trust is really shaken. I have tried to be positive because I know he needs help and not judgement. I want to be supportive and help him through it. We’ve put gambling blockers and self-exclusion in place and I’m taking control of all finances. He’s also going to try therapy. I do believe he wants to change. But I am extremely anxious and down every time I think about it and worry that this is always going to hang over us. 

It would be great to hear how you and your partner managed to move forward.