I have lost the one I love

Hi Chelsea Dan this is Jen I wanted to just give you some words of encouragement. I am one of those people that thinks some persons (myself) can learn to gamble responsibly again, so forgive me that, we will have to agree to just disagree. !

But in your case I just feel like you need some words of support. You're not a bad person it is the disease. You're completely right in calling it a disease. And you need to do to what you can to make the best of the rest of your life. It is horrible that you lost someone you love. I am at risk of doing the same thing with my boyfriend and that is why am trying to get myself under control. But you have something to live for that I do not you have two beautiful children. I am not able to have children of my own. So I can only imagine that must be a big motivating factor for you to have them. I do have a new baby nephew and I know that one thing that's motivating me to try and re-tackle this problem is I want to be an inspiration to him I want to set a shining example for him, not be a non-functioning addict. Maybe think about it that way with your children. Since it is in a disease you will probably have slipups. But you still have a chance to redeem yourself in their eyes, and keep trying to beat it. And you can do this with treatment and help!!!!

Hi Chelseadan5,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting your story.

As you may be well aware it is difficult to try and overcome gambling problems by yourself; you need professional help to do that. Also, gambling problem gets worse it you don’t do anything about it, and they can easily get out of control.

You may well have thought you were in control of your gambling but, you were actually hiding it from your love one. It’s a shame she has to find out the way she did, and that must be very difficult for her to handle given her past experience.

It must be equally difficult for you too because she’s one person you care about, and wouldn’t want to hurt. Unfortunately, the opposite happens, and she probably cut off to avoid being hurt again, and that is understandable.

The good thing from this unfortunate happening is that it has led you to the forum, and you have put in good effort to post your story here. By sharing your story, it relieves you of the secrecy that is surrounding your gambling problem. Now you’ll have support from fellow forum members, and you’ll also learn a lot of strategies to help overcome your problematic gambling from their experiences.

It is important that you distract yourself from gambling by replacing your gambling time with other activities/ hobbies; don’t allow yourself to get bored as boredom is one of the contributory factors that make people relapse when they are in recovery. Try and put obstacles in your way to make it difficult for you to gamble. Also, take it step by step, and be patient with yourself.

Keep up the good work; you can overcome this problem, Chelseadan5. With your determination to beat this problem, and with such a supportive family around you, and also your two beautiful children, that is an encouragement enough to help you work through your problem gambling, and to look forward to a gamble free future.

Perhaps you may like to contact us via our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers. An adviser would be able to refer you for 12 sessions of free counselling, and nearest to where you live if that would help with your recovery. Our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.

Thanks once again for your post, and please keep posting.

Kind regards,

Beatrice

Hello,

Thank you very much for your encouragement.

I am now 17 days free of gambling in any form and constantly have that in my mind and have been keeping a diary of my feelings and thoughts.

I currently live in the town where my ex lives and have stayed around here hoping that there may be a small chance she may want to rebuild what we had, I think though realisticly its not going to happen and I should move back home with my parents.

I just constantly think about what I have lost but should really think about what I still have, its just difficult because I am on my own most of the time and find myself overthinking everything. I dont want to see friends, I dont want to socialise whatsoever !

Hi it's Jen again .

you say you constantly think about what you lost, which I'm sure is normal. But you also say that maybe you should think about what you have. I agree with the second statement. I think you should think about what you still have with your determination, your family, and your two children. Because it's important to put your efforts towards preserving what you still have right now. You can do it!

Hi thanks for the advice,

I am constantly trying to concentrate on the good things but its so difficult. My ex wife is now moving the children away from the area I live.

My ex girlfriend refuses to even acknowledge I exist.

I am 19 days gamble free and really do not feel an urge at all. I just need my life back

I understand what you're saying you have no urges which is really really good because gambling would definitely only make things worse. But you were still face with the changes that your life has had and they are still tough to deal with. Try to think of it this way, this thought occurred to me when I was thinking about your situation, with not gambling you will maybe have money to travel and go see the children or bring them to travel and see you. If you gamble you will continue to have nothing and you will lose more and more support from people.