I have to stop now.....again

Hi G100,

congrats on 101 days gf. You have worked really hard and come a long way. I think TM's advice is really good, consider counselling or GA.

It is understandable that the debt seems to be the most depressing about all of this, but what if there is more to it? It is worth exploring for everyone because as weird as it might sound, becoming debt-free can cause all sorts of unexpected mental and emotional challenges so it is good to be prepared.

Keep posting and keep up the good work.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Hi Eva, thanks for your message. However i’m Struggling to understand why getting out of debt could bring mental and emotional challenges? I only got into this mess in the first place chasing an original loss, which then spiralled out of control and in my mind all of my problems have been driven by the thought of how much money I have lost and the desperation to recoup those losses so that I can live a normal life. To me everyday not gambling and reducing the debt is my only focus as when that is done I will be free to spend that money on my family.

G100 keep up the good work mate, i really do wish you well a normal everyday life is better than gambling all the best to you

Thanks Johnny57, I wish you all the best in your journey also. I see that you are 16 days GF...well done. How’s things with you?

Because you then have a license to start gambling again when no debt. But you are years (like me) away from being debt-free so do not dwell on that for now. But it is a fact that seeing it mainly as a financial problem will hold you back from recovery. Also (like me in past) you are not being open and honest with those closest to you, in hiding the new debt - so it's piling more pressure on you that you probably are aware. Alot of weight to carry around and even if you are doing well you have nobody to share it with than virtual people on the forum. Counselling guided me to a point where I knew I had to unburden myself - whatever the consequences. Sorry for being a pain - as gamblers we often don't like to be challenged we like to have control. I had to have a look at a few things this week because of GA meeting and challenge my mindset. What's the saying “By changing nothing, nothing changes.”

G100 wrote:

Hi Eva, thanks for your message. However i’m Struggling to understand why getting out of debt could bring mental and emotional challenges? I only got into this mess in the first place chasing an original loss, which then spiralled out of control and in my mind all of my problems have been driven by the thought of how much money I have lost and the desperation to recoup those losses so that I can live a normal life. To me everyday not gambling and reducing the debt is my only focus as when that is done I will be free to spend that money on my family.

Hi G100,

I think what she means is that being a compulsive gambler is not really the issue when we delve into it. If you go to you nearest GA meeting you will learn this as part of the 12 step recovery program. Most people who come to GA (myself included) do so when they have hit rock bottom and have no where else to turn. The 12 step programme gets us to ask serious questions of ourselves and for it to work we have to be completly honest and open, not an easy thing to do for a compulsive gambler. But unless we really engage with the recovery we are destined to relapse like any addict. You may stay off gambling for now, get your debts sorted etc but unless you get support and really open up to tackle this issue you will end up back where you started.

Thank you both for your comments, however I think that all people are different and we can’t all follow the same recovery process. I do appreciate what you are saying and will take the comments onboard. For me I just don’t react well to group chats etc so I don’t think it’s for me. In my recovery I have been open to everyone including my wife, however you are right that I am hiding a new debt from her. It won’t help me to disclose this though and it has no impact to her so I won’t be doing so. I can chat to her openly about my recovery though and I am honest with everything apart from the new debt. She knows that I have been having some bets since I first told her but knows where I am now and that I am 102 days GF. Registered for 5 years with GAMSTOP which has taken away the access to my problem with online gambling. I know that I need to stay on my guard but I never had this block in place before and I can honestly say I have no temptation to enter a Betting shop. I’ve also had mood swings well before my gambling issues so I know that this is part of my makeup and how my brain works. Sitting with someone telling me what I already know won’t help. I know that this is battle that I need to win on my own, but also with the support of my family, friends and you great people on this forum.

G100

We couldn’t be more similar if we tried mate , I cleared my 25000 debt last year and promised to stop ! About 13 months on I owe another 5000 ! I too have a nice wife 3 great kids and I also wounder why that’s not enough . I’m starting to realise now that this will never go away it’s an illness that no one understands unless your in it , to most were stupid end of .the gambling industry should be able to give us a blanket ban but they won’t as they rely on us to much ! They even have loyalty cards which could be scanned prior to betting but they say this would be to hard to implement . I’m sure someone will sue the bookmakers at some point for not looking after them , this will be the game changer I’m sure ., for now I’m going to cut up my cards set up a direct debit switch the credit to a loan to play my debt so I will no longer be able to get any money I hope you can do something similar good luck

G100 wrote:

Thanks Johnny57, I wish you all the best in your journey also. I see that you are 16 days GF...well done. How’s things with you? G100 Yes 16 days gambling free after a disastrous slip cost me dearly thanks for asking my friend best wishes

Inspirational stuff, well done, I've just today had to come clean to my Wife about my debts which has put my marriage and home in jeopardy, luckily she's willing to give me a second chance and your story has helped me realise how easy it can be to relapse, so I'll use it as inspiration. Keep going mate, you can do it you should be proud

Massive well done on what you've achieved so far.

I was in less debt but a similar position 10 years ago now. Took me 2 years of living off the bare minimum to clear my debt, by paying off £1000 a month.

Telling friends was easy, because we are no longer the gambling mug, they are. Remember gamblers only tell you win stories. I've no doubt all your mates lose money more than they win.

Not sure how your debt is structured but look for 0% credits card deals which could shave months off the debt repayments, by saving interest.

Also if one debt is paid off, overpay the next highest to save interest.

If you find you have more spare money and don't want to up payments or wish to lower repayments, consider opening a non withdrawal without notice no card savings account. I put as much as possible to debt and some in the savings which then also grow and couldn't be withdrawn on a whim if the urge to gamble took hold.

Remember also that that ВЈ1000 repayment is actually worth more, because say you gambled ВЈ500 a month without paying off the debt you'll be £1500 worse off the next month. It's like dieting every pound you lose is worth 2 because if you weren't dieting you'd put a pound on.

Finally remember if you've money to gamble you've money to save.

Hi Steve70, thanks for your comments. All my gambling debts are on the 0% credit card for another 12 months. Then i’ll Switch to another. It’s just frustrating that I put myself in this situation in the first place. Every month that passes makes it easier though when the debt is reducing, so just need to carry on staying focused and the debt will take care of itself. 104 days GF and another happy day.

Day 107 GF and still going strong. It’s strange that since i’ve Passed the 100 day mark the urge to post on my diary is reducing. Do I think I have beat this? I know that I haven’t.....not yet anyhow. My advice to anyone in recovery is to keep logging onto the forum and reading people’s stories as that’s what helps me keep Gambling free. It reminds me of what this terrible addiction does to people’s lives, but the advice and support of people on this forum is fantastic. Especially when you can see people beating this and making a happy life for themselves.

Hey mate have read your story and can relate for sure to things you have said. Especially the guilt and remorse thing. I am really struggling with that. When my son hugs me I melt inside at the thought of letting him down so badly. I know people urge us to move on... Onwards and upwards so to speak but I do find it hard to let go of my mistakes. my demise happened so quickly... Like a flash... That loss of control has cost me years of financial freedom.

What I do know now though is that I must try everything I can to look forward and not back. Looking back leads me to start fantasising about a big win to put this all right which will never happen + I just don't want to be that person anymore.

I hope you keep going strong. You're doing great. Like you I just want to be happy. I feel strength and inspiration after reading about your rise from the ashes. Thank you. Keep it up.

So back after a while not visiting the forum because of login issues. I nearly gave up to be honest, but tried again and thankfully I managed to login again. Happy to report that I am now 156 GF. During that period of not visiting the forum I have found myself following my old betting leagues and seeing if I would have won. I’m glad to say that they wouldn’t have but it scares me to think what I would have done if they did start to win. I know that I am safe from online gambling due to GAMSTOP so that is a level of comfort that I have when gambling thoughts do creep in. I know one bet will start the slippery slope to misery again, so I don’t think i’m In any danger for now. Recently had a knee op and signed off work so I think it’s the boredom that is making my mind wander. Back to work next week and hopefully back down the gym to continue with my gambling free life. Skint for now but happy.