I just found out about my partners addiction

At my height of my addiction nothing could have stopped me gambling my fiancé left me, i did things that could have ended me in prison, i wasent ready to stop at the time, the big question is is your partner ready to stop it took me years to finally realise i was the problem, since then i have improved and had relapses in between its one of those addictions a relapse is just around the corner with the right support in place things can improve i have only realised this within the last 6 month and i have been trying to quit since 2012 

Dear Yorkshirerose,

Thank you for sharing on our forum. It can be a shock to find out your partner is gambling to that extent. You also have the option of contacting us on the helpline for a one to one chat with an adviser, we support many partners of gamblers.

Best Wishes

Fiona 

Forum Admin

If she really wants to stop, you will have to take over her money, being cruel to be kind, least its out in the open now, hopefully you can move on together, I'm a gambling sinner and if she says anything cruel and nasty to you, try and rise above it too, its the frustration of wanting to gamble that can make you react to the ones you love like that 

Hi

Im really sorry I don’t have any advice, but I’ve just found out about my husbands gambling addiction… which he’s hid for two years and is in thousands of debt. I’ve asked him to leave the family home, I don’t know where my heads at. Just wanted to say your not alone x

This is a terrible situation and I am ashamed to say I am the gambler. I didnt realise what an evil hold it had on me until recently and had to hit rock bottom to understand.  I am nearly 2 weeks clear, 2 extra jobs, relinquished all savings control to my parents and feel I'm getting better. May I ask, had your partner come to you like this (with progress) would that have made it better, or actually made no difference at all because of the lies? Stay strong, this is a terrible thing for everyone xx

Hi, I've just found out about another episode of my partner's gambling that he's lied to me about. Context, 17 years together with a young daughter. I've known for a long time, it's the repetition of lying, me finding out by accident or by pushing an issue, him saying the right things, me crumbling, him not doing anything to change, me loosing all trust, but loving him and always staying because I'm loyal and want it to change. I once said I insisted he had all wages paid to me, then I changed my mind....I felt bad doing that, financial independence is so important to me (apart from having shared aims as a family), I thought I'd be imasculating him. Ridiculous right? Still putting his feelings before mine. It's taken a real toll on my mental health to the point where I'm not really coping, but holding it together by a thread for our daughter. I've always supported him, shown kindness and understanding that it is an addiction. But I'm not getting kindness back. He literally sees me broken then does it all over again. He's seen me struggle to financially plan over the years, whilst secretly gambling and using credit, right after we've spoken and I've said  come and talk to me, we will find a way together but don't gamble. I've been too understanding over a long period of time, to my own detriment. Honestly, I feel everyone's pain on here, gamblers and their nearest and dearest. 

You are st the beginning. Don't do what I've done. Try and make sure she gets help now that you know. Insist on it. It's the only way or all trust regarding finances will be eroded and it will eat into everything else too.