I'll try to keep this short. I've been with my fiancee for no years. I always knew he played poker/gambled and had a bookie biz but it never dawned on me until he took an early retirement at the age of 50 that his gambling problem was worse than I thought it was.
Ever since he took an early retirement his gambling has gotten worse. He lives 2 hours away from me..he sold his house, sports car and motorcycle 2.5 years after he retired..said he couldn't keep up with a 3 bar house on his pension. Which is 1400 a month and 700 of it goong toward his 7 yr old sons child support.
He moved in with his 27 year old son and lives with me 4 to 5 days out of the week. I live 30 minutes from a casino sa o he is there every day gambling while I am at work..he come himes around 8 or 9 and than is on his phone checking the scores n spreads for his bookies biz..I go to sleep at 10pm he is up til 3 am playing online poker. And the cycle begins again the next day.
He is irritable and moody and shows me no affection.
He doesnt give me money for any of the bills or food. Totally disregards me qhen I tell him I am short on cash when the Bill's come in every month.
I can go in and on about how all he cares about is playing..how he ditches his 7 yr old the only ONE day he gets him a week just so he can continue to play but I am at the end of my rope and need help.
I feel invisible to him..though he never asks me for money..he is basically freeloading.
I am sad that hed rather play than spend time with me and I feel.like a j**k for supporting g his addiction when he treats me this way..please help!!
Hi PMM. It sounds like your partner has been gambling a very long time. He's obviously sold all possessions to either pay debt or to use to gamble. he's gambling to not only get his 'fix' but also as income. The only thing that you can do is change your behaviour and seek help for yourself. You can call gamcare, find a gamanon meeting and get some support. Safeguard your finances and don't help with any debts. He won't pay his way because his money is for gambling. While you let him stay for free he has no reason to contribute. Living with an active compulsive gambler is very unhealthy and tumultuous. It's destructive behaviour and damages his mental health and yours. It's progressive and as you can see completely overtakes daily life. If you are able express your concerns to him and encourage he seeks help either via a GA meeting or gamcare counselling. If you do nothing this will get worse.
He doesn't need to change, listen, treat you with respect,contribute financially or do any of the things he should be doing because there are no consequences to what he is doing. You are his safety net.
Protect your finances then think long and hard about what's in this relationship for you and why you're willing to tolerate being treated this way. Think about what you want, need and deserve bearing in mind that if he won't commit to change things can and will only ever get worse.
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