Hi Im a 39 year old female with a family and husband, great job , nice life but i have a dark secret and that is i am addicted to online gambling.
As a child it was normal to put the odd horse racing bet on with my dad.It didnt continue into adult hood until a few years back.
It started a few years back when me and the hubby would do a football bet on a saturday.he won and we spent the money on our kids and having our garden done.
I started then in my spare time putting a little bet on the horses online.
When id have periods where i felt alone and down i never showed this to anyone i would put a bet on and started playing online roulette.
My gambling escalated out of control a bit and my husband found out and i didnt really tell him the amount i spent but that was enough after he told my mum for me to stop.
I stopped for over a year.He still has the odd bet on the football but he did get addicted to gambling about 7 years ago but his betting is now controlled to a tenner a week on the football.
Recently the last few months i went online and started betting again and i thought i had it controlled.
Book of oz , book of merlin those sort of games.
I got a buzz from playing those games especially as i was winning alot.I would set deposit limits on accounts and thought it was controlled but i had several accounts on the go.
I have a busy life with the family, kids and work but would stay up later in the nights and gamble.
I would then go to sleep at 4am and be up for work and kids at 6am so i felt rubbish the next day although this never showed and i still did a good job but inside i felt awful.
we always had nice things and a nice house but i was just wasting money.Thinking i would win more.
To not be able to tell anyone about this secret i had was eating me up inside.
None of my friends or family have a clue.
Today i had a relapse and i spent the lot over than a few hundred pounds.
I feel so ashamed of what ive done and the fact that know one knows anything.
I hide it from everyone and if anyone knew it would bring shame on me.
I have a really good job happy family and im living with this secret.my friends and family would never believe that i have gone down this rd.
I dont drink or take drugs.
Today i closed my accounts and thought enough is enough.
I feel disgusted in myself and i am gutted about the money but i was chasing losses.you always want to win more and if you lose you want to win it back.
I havent got into debt but i feel in a dark place at the moment.It makes me sick to think i could of paid for a holiday or essential things but i wasted it.
This is going to be a long rd i know.I cant even look at my bank statements as i feel gutted the money ive wasted.
I feel that everyone thinks im a lovely person and got it all and people i know are envious of me but they dont know my dark secret that is getting me so down.I feel like im a bad person, how did i end up in this situation.
Trouble is with gambling you can hide it.
Its my first time on here and its good to be able to speak to people that have the same problems too.
Hi I’m reading your story and it’s very similar to mine, as I have never shared this with anyone and feel guilty embarrassed and dealing with it all yourself
by coming here you want to change and is a good first step I come on here and read the story to remind myself why I don’t want to do this anymore
All the best xx
I read this and thought this could have been written by me I have gambled for years good job good family secret gambler spending a lot of money but not in debt a couple of years ago I self excluded from all online sites best thing I ever did and it didn’t bother me as there’s nothing I could do then a new bingo hall opened I was excited to go thought I could controll it but I have spiralled out of control worse than ever with slots just in the proscess of excluding my self but so emabarresed as I have to go in fill a form in and have my picture taken and I’m worried at being found out and who will see it but I do no I can’t do it myself x
@teddy5 Thankyou for responding to my story.
I have not had the urge to gamble for the last few days but my mood has been low.
I have been keeping busy to distract myself.
I feel better that i can finally share it with people who are in the same position or have been as myself.
Thankyou for reaching out x
@spendspendspend I appreciate your reply.
I have self excluded and its only been a few days since i gambled.
When i gambled i could go without gambling for weeks sometimes a month and thought i was in control but it spiraled again.
Its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders being able to take the step and admit that i need help.
I know its going to be a long road and i have felt low lately and i never cry but yesterday i did several times.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and it helps talking to people like yourself who are going through the same or similar experiences.
Its so hard isnt it and i can understand how easily it spiraled again as the same happened to me x
I am currently in the same situation , I’m only 19 and have wasted a £1000 of my student finance on online slots tonight and it’s every day where I’m spending hundreds of pounds.
I don’t know what to do or who to tell I just lay in bed crying and then I proceed to open more gambling accounts to make myslef feel better.
@izziepops I was exactly the same.
Setting limits on one account and then opening another account.
I thought i was in control but that soon went and i was spending more and more.
I was winning quite a bit but as i won more i bet more.
You have made a big step coming on here.
I never talked to it to anyone.
I have really good friends but i would never tell them as i feel like my reputation would be shattered and they wouldnt understand.
It was a vicious circle.I constantly go through things in my head and think i could of paid my holiday with that money, i could of done this with the money and it eats me up inside.
Because i could go days without gambling even weeks months but then i would have a big spend.
A months wages in one go.chasing losses.
It can affect anyone from all walks of life.
I wish you a speedy recovery and you have taken the right steps reaching out.
Xx
Hello Saffron, izzypops, spendspendspend and all others on this thread.
Thank you for sharing your stories on here. Saffron, it's great that you are taking steps to self-exclude. Both you and Izziepops might want to check the following websites for more tips and tools to block online gambling:
Gamstop:
Self-exclude from all UK gambling sites in one step:
www.gamstop.co.uk
Blocking software:
Apps that block you from opening gambling sites on your devices:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/
Block gambling transactions with your bank:
A list of banks who offer the option to block online gambling transactions:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/money-management/#banks
We also have resources for getting free, impartial advice about dealing with debt:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/money-management/
Spendspendspend - sorry to hear you're struggling with a new bingo club. There are ways to exclude without having to visit the club again. See the Bingo Association website for more details. https://www.bingo-association.co.uk/site/bing/templates/selfexclusion.aspx?pageid=181&cc=gb
Izziepops, we hope you keep posting. You might want to start a thread of your own either an introduction thread here in the New Members Introductions section, or over in the 'Recovery Diaries' section if you'd like to start a regular updates thread.
All of you, don't struggle with this alone. Give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on Livechat. We're here 24/7.
Best wishes
Deirdre
Forum Admin
@izziepops im in the same boat, 23 here lost an absurd amount on online slots. i hope you get over this addiction.
I'm really sorry to hear about your struggles with gambling addiction. It takes a lot of courage to open up about it. Remember, you're not alone, and seeking support is important for recovery. Closing your accounts is a positive step, but consider reaching out to a therapist or support group for additional help. Be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time. You deserve support and compassion as you work through this.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
