I'm finally facing up to my gambling addiction

Hi m_york,

Yes! You've done right coming on here. Thank you for posting. Listen mate it's early days, hearing about the larger than expected debt and facing up to this terrible addiction, it's a lot to handle. Take a couple of days of work and look to the future, plan for the future. One day at a time, sounds so simple but works wonders! The lost funds are history now, of course they need paying back but there's sunshine after the rain if you can stop gambling. I just hope you can speak with a close family or friend who can help you and maybe take control of your financies for the next few months of weeks.No matter how dark or how low the gambling has taken you, they'll be someone on this forum who has been in the same place or worse than yourself. I was in at my rock bottom Jan-Feb 2016 when I had to come clean with the wife about a mountain of debt and my addiction. Basically mate you are not alone, you are not the first and you'll not be the last. Stay on-board with your recovery and start counting the days since your last bet.

If you have a good job, without gambling funds will become spare to pay of debt. You can always contact StepChange if you are worried about a payment plan. I lost all my money on-line gambling all on credit cards. When I came clean and looked closely at the damage it was much more than expected. However you soon learn on here and in my GA meetings to put this behind you, it's lost.

I don't want to ramble on too much, however regarding the suicidal thoughts, please be strong. In this world they will always be people who love you no matter what you've done. These people will help you and be part of your recovery. We get one shot at this life, everyone messes up once in a while, but we can move on, we can become stronger, we can learn from our mistakes. All the best my friend. Please keep posting to update us all.

Shep (I'm no robot)

Hi mate,

Answer to your question, yes it's a very good start. And well done for admitting it.

The next step I would advise is telling your other half or if you're single, another family member. I know it sounds difficult but he/she is going to find out eventually. I was in the same position as you only 6 months ago apart from the fact I knew exactly how much debt I was in but kept chasing it for 3 years until it got to the point I couldn't source any more money. The best thing I did was tell my wife. I didn't know which way it would go and it was tough at first but she has been incredibly supportive. There's no easy way to tell anyone I'm afraid, but just find a quiet time and sit down and explain everything.

Cut the credit cards up, ask someone to look after your finances, get blocks on your phone, laptop etc. Get some counselling and visit GA. These are all things I have done in the last 6 months and my life has turned around. I was the same as you mate, I couldn't concentrate on anything apart from gambling. When I placed a bet it was the only time I relaxed, didn't matter if it won or lost. I have an amazing wife and 2 little boys and yet I still gambled until I almost lost it all.

Debts can always be sorted. Go and see Citizens Advice and they will point you in the right direction. But first of all look after yourself. You can't turn the clock back and change what has happened, however you can recover from this, I promise you.

Good luck, PA.

I'm in floods of tears reading the responses. I can see i'm not the only person in this situation and it's good to read positive stories from people who have started pulling themselves out.

At this moment in time it seems just impossible - mortgage, credit cards, loans, more loans, medical bills - they are all there - every single month without fail. I convinced myself that a win would buy me breathing space. And for the first month it did. Just like many here, I guess that first win made it seem so simple.

I need to tell my wife. We don't have the most positive of marriages as it is, so this I feel will be the breaking point. She might surprise me but I guess I deserve the angry and disappointment that she'll rightly feel. I have messed up my own life all by myself and can't expect her to bail me out.

I have a decent income, but it's gone within a week and then I'm broke. I 'work from home' because I can't afford the train or bus fare into the office, or can't afford lunch when I'm there. I don't socialise with mates because I can't afford to buy a round. All because I gamble every penny until it's gone. And weirdly, it's only when I'm skint that I start to feel normal again. I don't understand that at all. When I had the odd win (mostly slots and football bets) I never really celebrated it. I just gave it all back and got in deeper. I took no pleasure in winning. I don't know why I do it.

Thanks for the positive responses. I take strength from them. I want to stop. And I want to rebuild my life again to one which isn't dominated by betting. I need to figure out how where to go from here.

I truely understand how you feel at this point. Realising you have a gambling addiction and need help are MASSIVE steps. In the latter part of 2015 when my debts were spiraling out of control I can honestly say I didn't care if I won or loss. Betting gave me the fix I required but also a numbness win or lose, my next bet was the only way I could overcome the numb feeling. The addiction wants you on your own, it makes us liars amongst many other things. It will do anything to remain our secret friend and deviate us from the normal life we and our families deserve.

Stay strong, find the courage to tell the Mrs (not easy, I suppose it's been the hardest conversation we've ever had). Don't leave any stone unturned, come clean with every ounce of debt. If not this could come back and bite you. It took me two weeks to pluck up courage to tell my wife! But I stayed off a bet during that time too! Probably the best piece of luck I had was having her support, then with the help of attending GA meetings I'm now nearly 15 months gamble free. So mate if i can do it, I hope you can.

One last thing. Personally "bail outs" aren't always the helpful contributions to recovery a gambler needs. These can sometimes be a "quick-fix" to the clean slate the addict needs, before the gambling starts again. (Awful to say but seen and heard the story many times in my GA meetings). Some please take on these words of warning.

All the best.

Hi, agree with everything Shep says above.

A little about my own story. In 2013 I came clean to my wife with debts totalling almost £30k. It obviously didn't go down well but we made a huge error in deciding I wasn't actually a gambling addict, I was just an idiot. We remortgaged the house and the credit card debt was basically gone. I still had all the cards in my possession, I'd self excluded from a few online bookies and said I would never gamble again.

6 months later (mid 2013) I placed my first bet since then and 2 weeks before Christmas 2016 I had to confess to my wife that I had run up almost £60k more debt on my credit cards. I can't actually believe that she stood by me if I'm honest, however even if she hadn't, telling her was a massive weight off of my shoulders. It was her that marched me down to Citizens Advice to get debt help. She is now in charge of all of the finances and I get pocket money every week. I don't have access to adult material on my phone, laptop etc.. basically I would say she has saved my life. But the thing is, before all of this came out, I wouldn't have said I had a great marriage. And that was caused by the gambling. Since all of this came out we speak a lot more, I actually listen to what her and the kids say now rather than staring at my phone. I look back 6 months and can't believe that was me.

Regarding the debts, I now have a debt repayment plan. I live in Scotland so may be a bit different depending on where you live. At the end of my gambling I was paying out almost £1300k per month on credit cards but I was juggling one card to pay the next and so on. Now that I have a debt repayment I pay less than half of that. If you need any more advice let me know.

But you are certainly not alone.

Hi... Im new to this site today also. Im a single parent and started gambling about 2 years ago. Just a few times a week. This progressed into daily gambling and today ive even spent £40. I won two decent amounts last year and I keep thinking i will again. I had a loan last september to pay off my credit card of 8.5k and here I am with another credit card debt of 3.5k aswell as my loan. I feel ashamed and guilty that I am depriving my daughters/grandchildren of things in life because of my addiction. Most days I feel sick in my stomache about it and angry with myself. I tell myself 'no more' but then I get the devil on the other shoulder telling me I might win this time. Ive even started regarding wins as credits not money and I blow my wins. I dont sleep properly and my self esteem is zero. Yes ive thought about just ending life but I wont. Its good to talk, listen and hopefully learn from all your experiences though. Glad I joined. If you have any tips about shutting that devil up when he appears, I would be greatful. Ive told my boyfriend about my addiction but i dont think he realises how bad it is as he said 'live by your means' Its like telling an Alcoholic to drink water! sigh!

hi shelly ive just made a new account today lost my old i gone 118 days without a bet

self exclusion is a good thing shelly, or maybe handing money n finaces other to your boyfriend, barriers are important to put in place to stop you from doing it, the more barriers you put up the more barriers you have to climb over to get to it again, how do you gamble? on phone? online?

Thank you... ive self excluded a few times and then open more accounts. I gamble on my phone, even at work. Its a horrible thing to have got into. I dont want to get to the point if a debt management plan etc but I can see it happening if i dont get strong soon. Well done check4025... Thats encouraging. Keep up the determination.

get rid of your phone get cheap old school 1, give your phone to your boyfriend to look after, it dont have to be for the long term few months, get rid of your smart phone, get a phone u cant go on internet with.

n u can internet to block over 18's sites to.

shelly i have autisim and i live on my own so it been very hard for me to stop, been obbsessed over since put my first pound in a machine when i was 15, im 33 now. trust i get very obbsesed over it, dont stop when i start till lost everything. being autisitc doesnt help at all. but grown strong minded i have. put so much in place to stop me. cause live on my own doing it for myself so makes me stronger then others that live with people.

Thats really good advice, thank you. I shall do that. Buy myself a normal mobile. And ironically, It is my career working with autistic kids. I work in a residential school. So I understand how it must take over for you, but believe... even for people without autism, gambling is like a disease! Thanks for your support. You are doing excellently yourself 🙂

I am on my own all week... I do think being alone is a big factor I dont gamble at weekends, but as soon as im on my own!!