My name is Ally, and I have an on-again off-again gambling addiction that goes from manageable when I'm mentally stable to extreme when I'm depressed. I had my first experience at the casino when I was 18, but it really started becoming a habit when I started working at a casino.
At first I did it to know my games and patrons better. I take my job seriously, and I really wanted to be good at what I did. When I later got fired from one I was working at about a year ago was when it really started to flower into an addiction. At first I would just go to the casino each week hoping to make my unemployment checks into something a little greater, but then it progressed to online gambling . The amounts started growing, and I pushed back against myself by installing Gamban on my PCs or depositing cash so I couldn't gamble it at VLTs or the casino. However, I made myself leave options open in case I wanted to come back to online gambling when I was healthier.
That was a huge mistake. I'll be very honest, this past month has been really hard in particular but I am extremely glad that I found this community when I did. This past year alone I've probably spent in the ballpark of $20,000, and my biggest shock came when I realized I gambled all the student loans I received in about a month. I finally got my work PC going, and I didn't install Gamban on it immediately so I proceeded to spend about $500 a day gambling online. When I saw my bank account after coming down a bit from the adrenaline, I threw up from how nervous and disgusted I felt with myself. I installed GamBan on my work PC at home, but it's extremely frustrating because I know ways around it that are incredibly easy for myself. In addition to working at the casino, I'm working on a degree in software development and web design so these solutions almost feel trivial to me.
I wish on some level that I could just take another pill each day that would stop me from gambling like I do for my depression or my ADHD, but that's just not possible. I've read a lot on this forum about people who have overcome decades-long addictions and who have dug extremely deep holes and gotten out of them, so that gives me some hope. But to be frank, I'm scared. I still haven't told my girlfriend, she's said she would leave me before and I don't want to hurt the most important person in my life by leaving her alone. She's the sweetest person I've ever met, and she has so much love in her heart for everyone and everything. I don't want to lose her, but I feel stuck being silent about my issues. I went to therapy for a while, but I ran out of money and my therapist went on mat leave, so I stopped going.
I'm sorry if that was a huge block of word-vomit, but I'm really glad I can be a part of this community and talk with people who have similar issues to me. All of your stories are extremely inspiring, and I hope I can either return to some level of healthiness or be one of those stories one day.
Hello comradeally
Well done for making this post and talking about your gambling .
You are not alone and there is plenty of support available to you and you have made a really positive step today by posting your story.
Do everything you can to look after yourself and take things one day at a time , you are doing well.
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
Take care
Kirk
Forum Admin
Welcome aboard comradeally - you've come to the right forum 😊. Individuals here are incredibly strong, insightful and are dealing with the same struggles as you are, day in and day out. This is the first step, the first day, and if you let it be, your worst day. Everything moving forward will get better, but it will take time, courage and strength on your part to get there. Gambling is nasty habit, one that I've learned is very sneaky and consuming; but, you can beat this, just like many other people on this forum have. You're part now is to be honest with yourself, you're loved ones, and make every effort to get better. Starting with GamBan and GamCare are great entry points to fighting this addiction, but please seek help from groups, friends and loved ones as you require it. This is an important part of the healing process. You're not alone...please use this forum as place to write down your thought, ask questions and for advice. There are many here who will respond with their experiences and perspectives, and it is truly amazing how some else's perspective can help guide you through difficult times.
I wish you all the best in your Journey - stay strong and stay positive! Day one of a million!!
Evening @25id4nykeu Comradeally
What a honest and open post. I hear all that you say and glad you have the mental strength to reach out to Gamcare. I supported my son for.9 years of addiction that started at 18.
Things got better when he surrendered to harm and stopped telling lies to himself. Stooped making excuses and being open and honest about how deep he was under.
When he opened up and shared, it was a relief. So share with someone you know amd if your girlfriend is strong an loves you, she will.be there on the other side.
Dig deep adopt healthy habits and strip your life down to a basic simple life .
Speak to this community as impossible to do this difficult journey alone .
Well done for first step and best wishes to you. I am a Gamcare volunteer and we offer an email pairing service to people with lived experienced volunteers . If you are interested. Call the helpline
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
