Hi All,
This is my first post here, so apologies if its the wrong format or if it's the wrong part of the forum.
I just wanted to introduce myself, and share my experiences so far in the hope that people in a similar situation can maybe identify and share there own advice / stories etc.
I've gambled on and off for for circa 13 years. Every penny of it has been online - I've never seen the inside of a bookies and have only seen casinos as part of a Vegas trip. I've been with my Wife for 6yr and married for 3 - and throughout that period I have done absolutely everyhing in my power to hide my gambling from her and my family.
Through the years, I've had support from my family - who have helped me to pay off debts on at least 3 occasions. Each time it was due to my gambling, and again I managed to hide that fact from them. Invariably the debts accrued simply as I would lose money, and then convince myself that I could win it back.
Everything blew up last month. My wife found out - as did my family and my world fell apart. I had to move in with my parents as my wife simply couldn't bring herself to speak with me. But this was the shock that I needed. I could see for the first time that my money troubles all stemmed from gambling. I could see the hurt that I'd caused to my mother and father. I could see what I was putting my wife through. The thing that hurt everyone was never the money - but the fact that I spent so long lying to them to try and hide it. I have a 3 year old daughter, and the money that I threw away should have been used to keep her safe and happy.
Now, thanks to the support of everyone mentioned, my life is in a completely different place. I spent a week at my parents, then a week sleeping on my couch, and now I'm again sharing a bed with my wife. The debts are again paid off and I'm awaiting my first appointment with a counsellor to finally address my problem.
I'm not going to kid myself that everything is fixed - or that I'll ever make everything right again. But I do know that I will be expending all the energy and will that I used to hide my problem, to make sure that I don't relapse.
Hi BigBear,
Welcome to the Forum!
You sound like you have just taken a massive step forward by starting to address your problem and by finding much motivation to redirect your energy into your recovery.
It is great, that you are starting counselling, soon. Have you considered putting some additional practical steps in place to help you cut off your access to gambling opportunities and/or money to gamble with? Although you may not feel an impulse to gamble at present, having gone through much upheaval, this may change and practical strategies can help to buy you thinking time when you feel an urge to gamble again.
You talk about your strong support network and it is great that you have people in your life who care for you. You taking responsibility for your actions going foward is going to make a big difference.
You can make a difference and you can make changes! Maybe start a recovery diary on this Forum to help you monitor your progress?
Kind wishes
Gabriele
Thanks for your response Gabriele.
So far, I've installed blocking softwared everywhere that I can, and have started keeping a diary based on advice received.
I know for a fact that I wouln't have got this far if it wasn't for the support of my wife and parents. I doubt i'd have even sought help. I can't imagine how dificult this would be without my support network - so have joined the forum to offer help where I can.
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