Introduction - lost my annual bonus today so turned here for help

hey, well done for such a brave post. it is alot of money without a doubt, but try not to dwell on the actual figures. debt is relevant to your earnings and im guessing u are a high earner with a five year plan and such a high bonus. u will never bring the money you have lost back. even if u did, u would spend it again and continue to gamble. this has to stop now. u could contact a company like stepchange regarding your debts and see if they can help with a managable payment plan. the worst thing u can do is commit to paying more thn you can afford because this will just give u an excuse to gamble in the hope of making more, i wish u welll x

I completely agree - I think my problem has always been on focussing on my losses, and thinking what I could do with the money I have lost. This has inspired me to write a new blog on my site around 'chasing losses', and I'd like to echo your advice of concentrating on the future, and not the past! I will write and publish my new blog tomorrow. Thank you!

you sound so much more positive, your blog is a fab idea and will keep you focussed. i read alot from people that beleive they continue to gamble to chase back losses they cant handle. with me, i didnt worry so much about what had gone and been spent but hated handing over money every week/month for debts i had accumulated. my reasoning was that i could gamble my way into a little bit extra income in order to pay everything and still be comfortable. of course it just led to further losses. i dont think we are all the same. we all have different reasons for it, but the outcome is always the same for all of us. no matter what our reason or excuse, our brain no longer know when to quit. we dont know when to realise we have spent enough, and we will ALWAYS continue to gamble whether we win or lose. our minds need reprogrammed, and this can be done once we realise we want to stop (and mean it). iv every faith you will get there. we cant change our past but we can change our future and we all deserve happiness x

Yes, I think that's true too. It's about all the reminders as well as the amount itself. I have now written my blog and mirrored some of your thoughts in there. Please check it out, it looks like it's helping others as well as me. The new blog is here:

http://agamblersjourney.weebly.com/blog

i wrote a comment on your blog today hun, ill keep checking in. keep strong x

Hi Mate

Great blog by the way and i'm looking forward to following it! will give me strength also.. Gambling has nearly destroyed me several times.. i seem to get up and up and then it bites back when i least expect it. I've put all the blocks in place this time and more so it will be very difficult this time if it rears its ugly head again with force.

I think if i gamble again, it will kill me. As simple as that. Like yourself i'm an intelligent guy, extremely hard working (when my mind is working).. worked for one of the top hedgefunds in London for 4 years where i was doing really well. I made lots of money but i'd say 75% of the money i made in that 4 years was wasted gambling. I know we have to look forward and forget about the money but its just so difficult.. i feel like i've failed in my life. I'm 38, still single, no wife, no kids which i put down to gambling again, the amount of time i'd spend gambling i neglected ex partners, friends, family. I've now got depression to throw into the mix all brought on through gambling.. currently signed off work and have redundancy hanging over my head. I also spent £50,000 in savings from March - April.. just crazy.. i am like a different man when i gamble.. a man possessed. I have no rationale . Nothing. If i had access to £100,000 in cold hard cash 100% i'd have gambled every last penny until it was all gone. I'll never understand why i change from an intelligent, capable person to a lets be honest J****E. I feel no better than a J****E on the street. Anyway.. still feeling raw from the last few months. I just want to get my health back, get back working again although i'm thinking i'll start my own business and see how that goes. I just don't think i have the mental strength to survive and thrive in a high paced stressful environment. We shall see. For me, health and happiness has to come first before money. Anyway.. just a brief post to say i'm going to keep check on your progress. I really hope you stay strong as it will inspire myself and many others to stay strong also.

Cheers for now

Brightfuture (i so desperately want)

Guys, thank you for your comments. The great thing about blogs or forums like this is that you can see you're not on your own.

I'm currently doing some research for a blog post I'll publish in the future, looking at personality traits and those most likely to gamble. Before I started gambling, in my naivety I'd definitely think there was at least some correlation between intelligence (maybe measured through education, although I appreciate this isn't always reflective) and gambling addiction and / or debt levels through gambling. Research shows there's no correlation at all. A normally logical, well-reasoned person can just as easily fall into problems. Accepting this and realising this is key for me - my lost bets weren't just unlucky. I can't always use my brain to win back my money - at least not through gambling. And there's a need to let bygones be bygones.

I’ll publish something in the future on this and it’d be great to get your thoughts. Gambling can affect us all and it’s incredibly hard to get out of, so the more help we can give each other, the better!

Half life is correct in the two types of gambler but the purely thrill gambler is a very very rare beast. The GA rooms i attend has about 40 different members spread over two nights. I would only identify one as a thrill gambler. Most who come through the door believe they are in it for the buzz & the thrill, its easier to look at yourself that way isnt it, kind of glamorous & exciting rather than admit what is the true reason for their gambling. People dont gamble to get high they gamble to stop feeling low.

Hi Half-Life,

Thanks for your thoughts - has your research been aimed at looking at people visiting casino's? I spent some time in casino's, but nearly all of my problems come from online sports betting. Is there a third category - just wants to win back their money? Happy to win it back without a thrill - maybe it would fall into 'escape' gambling? But I take this to mean some other, deeper problems in life, and gambling becomes a distraction from these others problems?

Please do let me know your thoughts. I'm keen to include some thoughts on my blog in this area and the more thoughts / research I can consult / build in, the better!

Thanks!

Brightfuture - thanks for your very personal and honest post earlier. I'm actually mirrored some of your thoughts in my new blog posting around how the rationale goes out the window when you're 'caught up in the moment'. Be interested to see if your experiences are similar to mine in the new blog. Keep in touch.

The blog is available here: http://agamblersjourney.weebly.com/blog

Thanks Half-life,

I had an interesting discussion with a friend on this yesterday. He struggles with why people make irrational decisions - and chasing losses is irrational, apart from to the gamblers themselves, because of couse they can 'rationalise' their irrational behaviour, and convince themselves that what they're doing is okay. Be it to win back money, to pay off some debts, to stop thinking about other problems in life, or because they 'know' they'll win the next bet and therefore it's 'risk free'. I'd like to include / cover this in one of my blogs some time.

For now, I've addressed the two types of gamblers you mentioned before in my new blog here: http://agamblersjourney.weebly.com/blog

Just a short blog this time. I want to develop this into a blog on relapses next week.

Thanks for your support. Not even past my first week since my recent relapse so it's certainly still hard. A long journey ahead of me.

I have added a new blog posting taking about relapses and what I'm goign to do to try to stop myself relapsing in the future. I hope it helps others too. http://agamblersjourney.weebly.com/blog

Hi

I have read your blog with interest and consider it a good way of helping yourself to better understand your problem and at the same time helping others. Your priority is, of course, to be successful with your own recovery - anything else is a bonus. My advice would be not to lose focus on your own very personal primary goal. I have been gamble free now for a little over two years and I have found that just by being successful myself, has allowed me to help and inspire others.

I attend GA regularly but try not to waste too much energy in conflict as I do not agree with some of the organisations most fundamental tenets. I have always treated my problem with gambling as an addiction and taken responsibility for my actions. Taking this approach has helped me understand and overcome my issues, rather than hide behind a 'disease' over which I have no control. My beliefs are backed up by more recent academic and medical research, (easily verified, but I do not have references to hand), and GA really does need to move into the 21st century.

My image of you is one of a clear-headed and independently minded person, (especially when not gambling!), and I believe this will augur well for your future. The biggest factor of my success has been having obstacles in place for the times when I have been most vulnerable. I would almost certainly have relapsed again without blocking software on my computer, as online betting was my nemesis.

I have many new interests and pastimes and my life is richer, more rewarding and challenging because of them. In return I have given up one thing that only ever stole from me. I thought gambling gave me the thrill and excitement that everyday life lacked..... I certainly got that round the wrong way.

All the best

Ken

Ken.

Thanks so much for this. On these forums sometimes we're so used to talking about the problems we're all in.

It's refreshing and inspiring to hear from someone who's been through the journey and successfully made it through. Not only made it through, but who has come out the other side a stronger and happier person.

I've included your comments in my blog post today. Hopefully your words can also help inspire others and give people that extra bit of motivation to remain strong when they need it.

Thanks again,
AGJ