It just crept up

So I had a win last week 

Before this I had called gamcare but when had that win, I fooled myself into thinking all was fine, and it was, because I'd just won 

Before this I had borrowed money from friends, family, saying it was for food, and put it straight into gambling. 

Yesterday I gambled practically everything I had in terms of money away, I don't get next payment for a good long while, I don't even know how it's taken hold so fast 

I've been gambling just over a month, but in that time, it became my only focus

I'm disabled, don't work, and on benefits, so I saw it as a way of just trying to have a little extra.

But then somehow it became not about that anymore, and just about the act itself. Wondering if I could win again, thinking how nice it would be

Then every time it didn't happen, feeling bad, until the cycle repeated itself, I'd win, be happy for a short while, but then just keep puting the money I won back in again

I'm really hoping for therapy, and am very grateful to have found gamcare, and that there are so many tools etc for self exclusion available

Thanks to anyone who reads. Appreciate it