For years I've gambled, football accas, the occasional lucky or treble. I gambled online and this became a bit of a problem so I gamstopped and it was ok. Then I would nip to the bookies and in all fairness I rarely overspent and was often 'up'. But then the gremlins kicked in... "It's gonna give me a bonus" "it's gotta give me number x soon". A small win isn't enough, I'm chasing the jackpot. Just yesterday I walked in with money in my pocket and a few minutes later I am at a cash machine.
I don't earn thousands and thousands but I earn enough to be able to live and not worry about the bills.
After 5 days of having my wage, I'm payin double next month to catch up, I'm lying, not just to my partner but to myself. I will lose her and truth be told I've had some bad relationships and I've had my self esteem and belief stripped from me, she's built this back, I started to like myself again and in turn, love her better. Now I'm hating myself again. If I admit a gambling addiction I lose my job, my fiancé and the life I've worked so hard to get to. I need to get out of this rut, this self destruct, this chase and greed, this thirst.
I don't post this in hope of approval or someone to sympathise, I know I did this to myself, there is noone else to blame and I'm not interested in blame. I'm interested in moving forward.
I feel like my brain is tien in a knot because I just can't think straight.
I'm on this page, this forum now because I was trying to find a site that I could gamble on. I stumbled on it and as I sometimes do, I made the right choice which gives me the belief that I can overcome this. But when I'm out and about and alone, it's so easy to walk into a shop and put money into a machine and chase winnings.
I don't really know what else to say. Hi.
I can so relate. I fear telling anyone known to me about my gambling addiction for fear of losing their trust and relationships which would escalate the damage. Speaking to anonymous people on here is as far as I can get. It is all of my own money I have wasted. I must be responsible for my own recovery. This is my private humiliation.
Hi, a great first step and nice post .
Keep going...
Just to say I’m in the same boat. Online raffle sites got me- the “instant win” type. I got hooked and was spending more than I could afford. I’m only on day 2. It’s so hard. I’m keeping it to myself (and my mum), because if partner found out he couldn’t trust me and I would lose him.
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