Hi, (sorry for the wall of text, any grammatical and/or spelling errors)
I'm a new here and I really need to quit gambling. This last month has been really bad and I've lost quite big (no money on any account right now) and I'm not sure how to make it these coming weeks. I'm quite young (29) and I have never seriously thought about ending my life, even though I've played with the idea a couple of times. To be clear, I have only played with the idea as an escape from reality after I've lost large amounts of money and would never do it no matter how far I fall (at least that's my state of mind so far). Anyway, I'll try to describe my situation and history to the best of my ability (English isn't my first language).
I started gambling a little bit when I was 15 and but it wasn't until I was 18 it really became a problem. It was then I found my way to online casinos and it went downhill from there. I could lose my monthly income in a matter of hours after receiving it (and I still can).
I have an 11 year old daughter and a great family. My daughter doesn't know about my horrible secret. However my parents, or at least my mother do which makes this so much harder right now. She thinks I'm doing alright and I have already had this "come clean talk" once before. The reason for it being so difficult this time is that I've created a web of lies regarding my economy and my gambling.
Since my last sincere talk with my mother I've sent her my money each month after paying my bills. However, my gambling has been ongoing during this time (although with breaks and less money). But recently I have lied more than just a couple of times to make her transfer my money back to me for different reasons. This last week has been a new low... I told her I needed my money to put in my own savings account and for some irregular (but still real) bills but instead of paying them... Yeah, you guessed it.... So right now I'm sitting here with bills which I've said I have paid (which isn't true) and without any money.
I've tried to stop before but I always fall back into this... it might take months, weeks, but sooner or later I start gambling. Recently it has only been days between promising myself to never gamble again and starting gambling again. I have excluded myself from countless sites and casino networks. But for each network I exclude myself from two new are started. I am well aware that I MUST make the decision to stop gambling and stick to it, and that no exclusion will be a quick fix for my addiction.
So I'm in a situation where I have no money, have started to smoke (have been hiding this from my daughter so far), have lied to my mother, friends and family. I have basically stopped seeing my friends. I do not really enjoy doing anything at all. I have a hard time performing at work and finally I don't sleep well at all.
I must add that I do not wish anyone to feel sorry for me... I don't.. I am ashamed and angry with myself. And I'm not just writing this now because I've lost all my accessible money at the moment. Even when I have money available I'm thinking about stopping... but instead of writing something like this here I end up playing slots instead. The only difference now is that I'm so tired...exhausted even. Most of all I do not wish to burden my family or harm my daughter's future.
Sorry again for the long text...
Best regards
Paul
Hello Paul,
Sorry to hear your current struggles, we've all been there. Just really wanted to advise you to register with GAMSTOP as online appears to be your thing (like mine).
Take care pal.
Simon
I would, but it seems like it's only available for UK residents only? I'm living in Sweden but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel since something similiar will be implemented the first of January 2019 here in Sweden. I'm telling myself that I just need to hold on until then (of course I will also need to rely on my own willpower as well after that). Thank you for your advice and reply though. It feels really good sharing and see that strangers care.
Hello mate,
You'll never be alone on here, there are plenty of people who care. I've just had a quick google and as you say it's Jan 1st for you, what does look good is that there is no set period like there is here with GAMSTOP (5 years). If I were able to sign up for lifetime exclusion I would do so in a heartbeat.
Stay strong mate.
Simon
Hi Borrelius,
Well done on coming on here, your story is so familiar. I would advise coming clean to your family and seeking support and help for your addiction. I dont know if gamblers anonymous exisits in Sweden but if not some councelling can help. I am sure the is some class of free help out there.
Coming clean would be difficult, but if you want to tackle this issue we must face up to our issues, and we must end the lies as lying is the lifeblood of all addicts. Keep osting so we know how your doing. Best of luck
Hello everyone, though that I would write an update on my "progress". I am going to be honest. I did not quite follow the advice I was given. I ended up lending some money from some friends to get through the following weeks (I know, it's bad). I told my family about my problems again and of course they were disappointed but still they were supporting.
Anyway, I was not strong enough to quit. Once I got my salary I started playing again. To my big surprise I ended up winning huge. I gambled through an entire night, did not sleep at all. What was the first thing I did in the morning? Bragged about it to both family and friends. My family did not know what to do... I think they were both angry and happy at the same time. It was more money than I would make in two years. Anyway, the very same afternoon when I got back home I decided to try to stay awake until the evening. How would I stay awake I wondered? Of course, by playing. It would not be a big deal if I lost some money since I had so much right?
So I started out small, 2 euro bets, then 4, then 10, 20 all the way up to 100 euro bets. After playing around two hours it was all gone. I don't think that I need to describe how I felt or the emotions. Most if not all of you probably know how I felt. So after a few hours I went to my family with an elaborate lie how the casino had frozen my account etc. I told my friends the very same lie.
Now I had to come up with a way to get some money back. Took a high interest loan and of course lost it all. I have never done that before. A new bottom. Maybe this is what I needed. A few days ago I signed up for the swedish version of Gamstop and today I told my family the truth (with the exception of the loan I took). I will be able to pay that with my next salary. But I will still be broke until February.
I think I finally have grasped that I will never be able to gamble. Earlier I thought, "if only I win X amount, then I won't have to gamble anymore". However, now I know it doesn't matter how much I win. I just proved it. I even ended up with debts.
Anyway, that's my update. This time I have all the tools I need to stop and I will. I must.
Good luck everyone!
You are in a really bad "tilt", you need to release control of your finances to someone you trust, or make it extremely hard for yourself to get large amount to gamble. I really hope you do well, keep us updated.
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