Hi all, apologies in advance for my rant.
I just don't understand any of this... I have a 5yo son, a home and a happy life. I pay my bills (not always on time) but we always have food to eat, and a roof over our heads.
I had 190.00 in my account. I knew that I needed 140.00 to pay my dd's that went out today (utilities etc). All good. So that meant I had £50 to gamble with, right??
You can guess the rest.
Why do I always feel happy when I'm gambling, but then I feel almost elated when it's gone and I can't gamble any more? It's like I can't have that money in my account and I have to get rid of it.
I have self excluded from every site I used but then found another one - deposited ВЈ50, won £700.00 and then upped my spins and lost the lot.
Why do I feel better knowing it's all gone??? Anyone else like this or is it just me?
That £50 could've been spent on so many other things and I just feel so stupid. This has been going on too long now.
Nikki xx
Hi, Nikki
I absolutely understand how you feel. I am also like this - if I have some money in my account and sometimes I just want to buy a treat for myself or something like that, I think oh this is so expensive, do I really need it...then go and spend maybe twice this ammount on bingo, then come out ashamed, angry, stressed and extremely upset with myself. I could have bought the item I liked, go get a coffee and still spend less, but this addiction has been stronger than me so far...I honestly hope to get rid of it and leave the gambling in the past, I wish you the best of luck as it ain't an easy battle..
x
Hi Nikki. I came to the realisation a while back that I'm addicted to losing. Yes, on a basic level I'm addicted to gambling, but it's actually losing the money, feeling that strange relief, then the depression and the deep regret, then chasing my losses, winning some of it back and repeating the cycle; that's what I'm addicted to. Nothing comes close to that rollercoaster of emotions. I guess that's why we keep on seeking it.
We can all identify the negative situations we put ourselves into but unless we change them, we will be stuck in the same downward spiral. You can only change if you really want to. Being in control of yourself, your money, your life feels better than gambling ever does believe me - and I say that with the bitterness experience of gambling thousands away.
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