Look into my 3 yr old eyes and wonder where did it all go wrong

Hi Josh,

Thanks for your post, and I hope you're finding the forum to be a supportive place. It sounds like you're taking some good steps already, but what about going a bit deeper and maybe getting some individual counselling? That could help you sort out any underlying issues that contribute to your gambling, and also help you work on ways to manage your urges more effectively and hopefully stop for good.

If that's something that might interest you, feel free to give us a call on either the Helpline or Netline and we'd be happy to chat with you about that option and see if there's anything else we could help you with. You'll find those numbers at the top of every page on our site.

All the best, and I hope this helps.

Travis

Hi I have just joined This Gam Care forum today as I been a Gambler for 10 years and I have to stop for good now. It gets to a point where I just do not want to exist so then gambling cannot happen.

Hi Joshua08

18 years gambling, current DMP and 20k debt. I and many others have been in your position. the advice is clear, you need to hand over all your finances to someone to look after for you immediately, bank and credit cards, cash, the lot. Without finance, you cannot gamble. This will help you initially and give you a chance to regroup. I know you have told a friend, but I think you should tell your partner even though it is a tough thing to do.

The secrets and lies in a relationship will destroy it eventually, be honest about your problem and your partner could support you, the stress and anxiety of dealing with this alone is dreadful and I know you have had many sleepless nights worrying about the debt and what you are doing to your family.

18 years gambling shows that willpower alone is never going to be enough for you, it certainly was not for me or many others on this forum. Follow the advice on this site. click on my name and read how I got here, there are many similar stories. There are many people here who mean to quit but keep relapsing, that is why you need to remove financial temptation. But I hope you can find the strength to tell your partner as I think in the long term it will help.

Keep posting as there are some good people on here, who will understand and want to help.

All the best

AlanJohnMilsom1989 wrote:

Hi I have just joined This Gam Care forum today as I been a Gambler for 10 years and I have to stop for good now. It gets to a point where I just do not want to exist so then gambling cannot happen.

Hello Alan

Welcome to the GamCare forum.

It's worrying that you are describing feelings of not wanting to exist. It sounds like you feel so powerless over your gambling that not existing seems like the only option. Let us reassure you that recovery is possible and there is hope. You're doing the right thing by joining a community where everyone is working towards recovery. If you do feel despairing please ask for help. You can contact the GamCare HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the NetLine. The Samaritans are avaialble 24/7 on 116 123.

You will probably find you get more responses if you start your own introduction thread. Simply go to the front of the New Member Introductions section and click the 'New Topic' button which is both at the top and bottom of the page.

We'd also suggest that you consider how much personal identifiable information you choose to share here. Bear in mind that this is a public forum. Here's our guidelines on sharing personal information on the forum: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/uploading-photos-and-personal-information

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi Josh, all sounds so familiar to me. I’m now 17 days gf and was 20k in debt and also have a 3yr old. Gambled years ago when I was addicted to the fruit machines, every spare cash and more got spent feeding my habit. Only recently in the past few years started gambling again online, this time on football. My girlfriend found out twice that I was in debt and helped pay it back. The lies and betrayal hurt her badly and I promised her never again. Stopped for 5 months without any problems.....then 1 bet started an 11 months run of 20k debt. I got lucky and got a win to clear it. It wasn’t until it was cleared and I thought I got away with it my girlfriend found a bank letter regarding a bank loan. This almost destroyed our partnership and my relationship with my 3yr old son. I’m on my very last chance. I’m now giving her copies of my bank statement each week, she had put a block on my internet access on my phone. I’ve joined here on Gamcare which I feel is helping loads just reading other peoples situations and telling them mine. Only small steps so far but each step is a step closer to conquering this addiction. Good luck on your journey and keep sharing your recovery.

Stay strong....stay gamble free 🙂

Knowing you have to come clean is the hardest part, you know it's the right thing to do, you know all the theory, just the thought of them leaving you is too much to handle. I just wish I could deal with this on my own so no one but me would have to get hurt. History tells me something big has to change to make it work this time, history tells me that people that come clean have much better success rates. I keep thinking if there is a way I can come half clean, reveal the addiction without revealing the true scale. I'm scrambling here, the walls are closing in. I sometimes wish I wasnt as inventive as I am with hiding this, I should have been caught by now. I understand it's better to come clean before I get caught.

Thanks for all the advice, I've got some big decisions to make.

Thanks again and please keep responding.

Josh x

Hi Josho8

When I told my wife she went mad and threw me out for a while, but it really was the best thing that happened, I don't know your situation with your partner but I reckon she deserves to know the truth, no matter how difficult it will be for you both, it will prove to be the right decision in the long run.

Read your last message back, you are talking of only telling half of the problem. You maybe hiding it today but you will eventually be caught out anyway. You do not have the willpower to give up on your own, so you will keep gambling and the debts will rise, you will keep gambling if you do not get the financial blocks in place. I told my self thousands of times 'never again' after a big loss, then when wages were paid into my bank I would say rubbish like 'just 1 more time' or i'l only have a small bet, then blew everything again. the same process for years.

The walls are closing in and will eventually crush you, your partner will find out, as she will wonder why you are always broke. I work hard and earn good money but was always broke, ran up large credit card debts and yet never bought much for myself, my wife was suspicious before I got caught anyway because the figures were simply not adding up.

I f you confess do not come 'half clean' that will be a disaster, when I confessed I told my wife everything and handed over all my debit and credit cards, and a list of all my debts which I will tell you are £27000. She then signed me up to all the credit reference agencies, and checked that everything I had told her was true and that there were no further loans or cards on my file that I was lying about.

That is why you must tell her everything, if she discovers further debt on your credit file, then she knows you are hiding things from her. It has to be the whole truth, otherwise there is no point. You will feel better for it as it is so tough dealing with an addiction on your own, you need support.

Your partner is obviously going to be so angry to begin with, but thats understandable. Many of us have been where you are and wish you all the best.

Keep posting

You've been trying to deal with it on your own for 18 years and not succeeded in breaking the cycle yet. Having been in your partner's unenviable position with Mr L 'protecting' me (which actually translates as protecting the addiction) I can almost guarantee you your partner would rather know the full picture as soon as possible.

She will find out. Telling her now puts you in control of how that happens. Making yourself accountable to someone else makes it very much harder for you to gamble in secret.

4 days gf, feel strong but the first major test will come when I get paid next week. Still checking sports results daily and thinking if I would have won or not based on my usual bets, hoping this will subdue shortly. Having gambling dreams and OCD still quite bad. Have good blocks in place now so would have to go to some lengths to gamble, this should buy me some thinking time. I've set up a 2 yr plan and will be commited to that plan. Strange how much time you have on your hands when you stop gambling. Just trying to be the best person, partner, Dad possible. Have some big decisions to make, but so far so good, the fog is clearing. Stay strong all and thanks for all your advice and input.

Josh x

Thanks for your post on my diary , much appreciated . I hope I do give good advice out or at least some people can take some positives out of a negative situation that I found myself in . Keep going Josh you will soon get a few days behind you and the fog will soon clear . Keep posting on here and be active . It’s working for you and it’s worked for me too.

8 days gf. Had a great weekend with the family. Had £200 in my bank account and no urges to gamble. Done a big food shop and treated my son to a present, at least £180 of this would have usually been gambled away in the hope to win 10k odd. The relief i'm feeling every morning when I wake up is amazing. My hip replacement operation is this Thurs so will be laid up for a while off work, 36yrs old so very young to have this done. I've been dealing with this cronic pain issue for the last 3 years been very testing time, but hopefully this will sort it out and can get a better quality of life. Not allowed to play football anymore though which sucks. Gambling is a form of escapism for me to forget about these issues.

Anyway stay strong all.

Josh x