Lost myself in a machine

Hi everyone, Let me start by introducing myself, Iam a cumpulsive gambler, my last bet was Jan 7 2013. Not sure what happened but I lost myself in a machine that sucks money in, crazy isnt it? Never had a dam interest in the casinos at all, i would go once or twice a year if that even, when my brother would come in to vist. Well I am accepting that this is all my fault and I will not blame anyone else, but this is where I think the seed was planted in my brain. My hero, my best friend, my father passed away May 25 2010. A year before lossing my father I moved back home to help him out and he was helping me at the same time also. A couple months before he passed he told me he had a surprise for me? Well the surprise was me and dad were going down to the casino to have some fun. I thought that would be great, any time with my dad was precious as he was battling lung cancer and we didnt know how much longer he would be with us. Dad gave me a 100 bucks and I sat at some fishing game for 4 hours playing with that same 100. I remember him comming over and saying you ready son to go? He was having a hard time breathing even though he had his portable O2 with him, so we left. I think I won about 50 bucks and gave dad back his 100 he gave me to play with. We had a great time together that nite, father and son. Well that was the last thing we ever did together outside of his house, his condition got worse with the lung cancer and towards the end he had a hard time walking from his family room to his bedroom. My father passed away in the mourning on May 25 2010, I was home with him. So after about a month or so, I started going down to the casino to visit that fishing game, it brought back the memory of being with my father down there and having a good time. As time went on I would go into the casino and say to myself looking up, dad lets win some money and have a good time, and most of the time I would win, small amounts that is, the addiction hadnt taken over yet, i was still in control? no complusiveness yet? well that was 2010, lets fast forward to a month ago, I was in a huge spiral and out of control, Iam not sure what took me over but this is a terrible addiction, My bets got way out of control and I would sit at a machine for 4 to 6 hours thinking its going to finally hit it has to, to many losses in a row, time for the machine to pay out, After many times visiting that game and others I just realized I couldnt go on like this anymore, I have kept this gambling secret to myself and no one knows of it. After doing some research online I found a outpatient therapy place for compulsive gamblers, I went and ommitted myself to the program and tommorow will be my second meeting. Iam very hopefull as I"ve been reading all of the positive messages here on the board and figured i should share my story. I hope to help myself find the old me again and help others out also, thanks for reading my post, and I will finish with some wise words my counsler told me last thursday in my first session, " The only way to win is not play this game at all "