My story (so far)....

Hi Downes and welcome to the forum .

I think the question is " Do you want to get over it " ?. As Compulsive Gamblers were in recovery for life I believe , it may get easier with time but were always just one bet away !.

So what have you done to stop yourself relapsing again ?, any blocks in place or self exclusions ? and The whole not being honest with your wife and continuing to deceive her ? . One of the things you hear most on this forum , is that addiction thrives on deceit so by you not being open and honest with her is stopping you from moving forward , your not accountable to anyone else , you also need to let go of the losses , accept that the moneys gone and it aint coming back !.

I'm not sure what it is you need , you don't really ask about help with advice on recovery , just questions about what lays ahead ?

Such a good post Downes. Explains exactly the thought process of a compulsive gambler. Any monies that arrive out the blue are gambling tokens. A refund, inheritance, a bonus, a rebate... cash you didn't think or know you'd get is instantly gone faster than it arrived. As like the point about debt outside my wages. I think that as well. There was debt but also all my wages gone on top so it was like a double wammy. Just find it better to try and let it be now. Thinking about it annoys me immensely. All the best.

Hi Alan 135, apologies for the late reply working ridiculous shifts at the moment. The reason I don't really ask much about help is that I have tried counselling and I don't feel it helped, I am also planning on trying GA once my wife has gave birth ( 2 week till due date) I have self excluded from a couple of my local bookies and my wife is aware of my deceit which means I have no access at all to money ( my only other option was a close relative who she has also now spoke to to prevent me from lending) I think my main point really isn't to come and ask for ways to help but more I want to share with people that don't judge, people that don't have this problem do not see it as a problem , they just naively believe we have been daft or stupid or silly and it becomes a very isolated environment at times

Hi Downes , ok mate , we'll certainly no judgements on here just support and your right when you say only another gambler understands! . So do you think that all the doors are closed regarding the money , could you access it from anywhere else? Also you said you excluded from a couple of bookies , how about tackling a few more further afield? It all helps to keep your time , money, location triangle broken ! Maybe think of looking through and reading other people's diarys could help , take the bits that you think will help an discard what you don't need. You could also start your own in the recovery section so you can chart your own progress? .

Hi downes,

As Alan says no judgements on here just fellow like minded people who will have opinions which you can chose to follow or ignore. If you wanting to share your thought and use this place as a sounding board start a diary and allow yourself to be honest I'm never going to bump into you in the street keep reading the diaries you will see we're all pretty similar.

Good look with the baby that's a great ficus and reason to stop gambling.

KTF

Hi downes.

You haave a lot to fight for a family job a future

the money IS GONE and so will be everything else unless you find help.

Take it from one who knows theres no amount of money in the world that can fix a broken hart if that ever happens to you

My ex gave me chance after chance even when i gambled the family home away

With the new baby due things are going to get stressful and wonderful all at the same time

But becareful some of us CG,s use stress as a excuse to gamble i know i did and still do.

I wish you well and hope you find the strenth as i once did. for over twenty years i stopped when my first child was born.

Downes14 wrote:

Hi all, where to start? Well in all I've being gambling for about 10 years. Up until 3 years ago I wouldn't have what I would call a problem then the greatest/ worst thing that could ever happen to me did. I received a bonus of over 30k through my job, being 23 at the time I had never before had that kind of money in my hand. I was sensible at 1st and 15k was used on debt and the deposit for a mortgage. After that boredom set in, so I deposited £100 into a online website and what do you know? I won almost 2k. The lad I knew who prior to this would have took the money and ran was gone and replaced with a fool who thought " if I won with 100 it must happen again with 200" foolish, silly me soon lost that 2k then another 2k then a couple moe until my 15k was gone, nothing to show for it and no explanation for my partner. "Cut your losses " would then probably have been the cry from anyone hearing my story at that point after all in theory I was still in the same position, the problem is exactly that I felt no pain. So I continued some more, and more and more as it stands i am now in excess of 20k in debt due to this monster that has took a grip of me, ( now bear in mind that is debt, I'm not sure how much of my wages also went on gambling as well) About 18 months ago I admitted my problems to my pregnant wife and she was understandably angry however also the most supportive human being ever, taking my finances out of my own hands, helping me stay on track and try and "get over this" Now this is where my questions lies, will any of us ever "get over it" ????? I have relapsed on 4 or 5 occasions since my admission to my wife and I have done this by purely deceiving her or who ever else I can to get access to money. I also know if someone gave me £1000 this second, next week or even next year and told me " it's yours do what you want" I would sadly probably end up at the bookies instead of the travel agents!!! Anyone think they will completely get over it?

if this really is your question . will any of us get over it ?, then the answer is sure , statistics support this. Now it depends which information/statistical anaysis you wish to use to get a figure on what % will recover, and it also depends on the criteria they use to determine what recovery looks like (i.e not gambling, or other things also being measured). Some clinics or treatment centres many in the USA monitor and publish their own success rates, and some are high 80s percent wise. Some research suggests around 1/3rd of problem gamblers recover without entering a recognised treatment programme (self help etc). Again other pieces of research suggest recovery amongst those who enter a steps programme or a counselling programme or combo their success rate is closer to 2/3rds. You have to consider the source and how independent the data is, but on the whole it is at least promising and does heavily indicate that success and recovery are possible. Your not a statistic of course, but a person, so if your simply saying when will i ever learn, then only you can answer that and it depends how committed you are to doing so. Its worth noting that unfortunately problem gamblers often never seek to recover but prefer to live in denial and stay in action and need a personal rock bottom to jolt them into recovery. It may also worry you, but I feel its important to be aware of this is that gambling addiction has a high rate of suicide ideation and actual follow through attempts. again thats a stat, and your not a stat but a person and at this point in time one with the support of loved ones... so balls in your court. Path to guaranteed s**t life this way < ..... Path to possible (not easy tho) recovery this way > not that hard a choice put like that is it ?