Last night I admitted to my partner that I have a problem.
It wasn't an admission through choice. She asked to see the credit card statement.
Over the past 2 years I've been gambling online, and for the last 12, been taking money off the credit card to fund it.
Until last night I'd gotten away with it. And lost it all.
She was obviously mad and upset, but I couldn't answer her questions. How long? Not sure. How much? Not sure.
She wanted answers.
I withdrew, closed and self excluded from the main site I used. I also closed and self excluded online accounts that I have open, but don't use. I've deleted any apps that are vaguely betting related. We went through the credit card statements.
We've gone as far back as she could cope with list night. I know there is more.
It's not just the money to fund the habit. It's the “guaranteed to win, second income” tipping services that I've been subscribing too.
Even when I'd stopped for a while, I'd still pay £30 A month for information.
I feel so ashamed, guilty, stupid and greedy for what I've done. And for how it's made my family feel.
So this morning is the 1st that I've not checked my 365 account to see if that bizarre Ecuadorian 3rd decision match had more than 3 goals.
I'm writing this instead.
As I left the house for work, my daughter called me a loser as she does every morning (due to few defeats at Guess Who). She's only six and today, it's true.
Hi Jens the first step in getting help is telling someone, so it's great you've told your partner. Sign up to gamstop for the full 5 years, it stops you using uk gambling sites. Partners initially focus on the money, they are devastated by the lies and the financial consequences. Both of you need help and support through this. Gamcare offer counselling for both of you. I would also suggest a GA meeting for you and gamanon for your partner. If you can't pay your debts contact stepchange. They are great for help and advice, all free and confidential. Try and focus on today and moving forward, it serves no purpose to go back over old statements and why/how???? It's just upsetting. Restrict your access to money, show your partner you really want to stop. Willpower alone will not stop you, get some help.
Thanks for the reply.
I've just done the 5 years at Gamstop.
And I left all my bank and credit cards at home this morning.
I've made an appointment to see my GP, for both of us to go together.
If there's more to tell, tell her. Half disclosures fuel deeper division.
You say you've been found out rather than coming to the decision to tell your partner yourself. Are you stopping because you want to or are you going through the motions to placate her? If you're going to stop you need to want this for yourself. You need to want it more than you want the next bet and then you need to keep on wanting it. Why is an account still open for potential score checking? Your cards are at home but you still have access to them? Half hearted measures aren't going to cut it. Take a look through the advice on mechanical blocks here and act on it then look into counselling (Gamcare offer free sessions) and GA meetings. You need to identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion.
I do want to do this. I've stopped before for a few months of my own accord, but always gone back to it. Having a credit card where only I had the online details made this easier. I've now added her onto the online account and she will get a notification every time the card is used.
I've looked at the GA meetings in my area and childcare permitting, I'll be there on Tuesday.
Hi Jens,
Welcome aboard. I agree a lot with Lethe and Merry go Round.
My advice for you is don’t beat yourself to much about what you have done. We all find our way through this process and what helps one person may not help another. To quit though you need to want to quit more than anything.
Your daughter is 6 and growing up so fast. Before you know it she will be 10, then 12, then 18 and dating, with you vetting her partner selection. The joys of parenting.
Instead of gambling and spending £30 on something you know deep down is a waste of time invest that money or time wisely and create lasting memories. Whether they be captured on your phone or mind it doesn’t matter.
Think also what you could have lost and rebalance. You may relapse but if you don’t try to quit you won’t know.
Keep on swimming and take one day at a time. You are doing great.
CJ.
Hey Jens, it’s hard to deal with all the fallout especially when you’ve been found out, but for me, I think it’s a blessing in disguise.... just think how much further in debt and deceit you could have got ?!
Sometimes I think that I wished my partner found out about my gambling earlier on, I could have saved a lot of money, guilt, pain and kept some of the self respect I felt I had lost.
Some days I locked myself in the bathroom to just look through the pages and pages (and I mean pages!) of bank staements and credit card statements that I had, with my eyes glazed over reading them in disbelief of what I was doing and the ridiculous deposits I was making with not much winning back ... it’s absolutley crazy! .... you are now on the road to recovery, with the help of a loved one - it will take time to rebuild the trust, but putting in place all the blocks, going to the GP etc will go some way to show you’re serious.
Wishing you all the best, keep us posted on how you’re doing 🙂 Kaz xx
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