New Here... Finally can Talk

Hi Caddy, I'm sitting here waiting for the phone to ring... it's my over the phone counselling session.. first one!... I am truly considering telling someone.. I don't know who!!!... hope your'e ok... I think I have a virus or the tablets don't agree with me... feel really pants.. will post again after the call xx

So day three, gamble free. I had managed to get up to THREE YEARS and yet the stupid pop up got through mny gambling block and there I was racxing back to my Roulette wheel. The inveitable happen. I was actually starting to "win back" my losses but due to the hideously slow withdrawal process the money never made it back...the self medication kicked in and I lost most hard earened 12k savings !!!! Gone, panic, in formed the bank. Have clawed back since 16th July and yet what the hell happened on Friday??? Same again aonly now I have maxed out my overdraft why oh whay have paypal authorised this. I am a pathological femaile gambler. I am an academic, educated, middle class....these things mean nothing because through my game care counselling I've started to see that I have ZERO self worth. I can't soothe or treat myself and the hell of gamnbling exactly reproduces early childhood trauam. Does anyone else find this???? Can't stand ,y reclusivity and HEOMARRAGING (okay the spelling is wrong) all my happiness. I can only seem to spend my money on 1) others 2) Roulette and have put myself in kind of cold war zone. Just never thought a creative, happy little osul like me would end up having tyo take zopiclone just to forve sleep and loathe, detrest and have fleeting thought of self harm....Never mind. First meeting tomorrow night...my gamcare therapiost is back from holiday and I have gratitiude for being alive. Just wabted to share more in particualry from other female on line addicts. excusev typos. Geminijane

how did u go on lizt hope it went well ... trust me when i tell u to tell someone i know its not easy but when i did i couldnt stop talking i told the wife everything the gambling .. not paying the bills and mortgage taking out loans nothing got paid for over 8 months thousands of pounds ..once i started i could.nt stop why hold things back i thought u r going to find out anyway it was a huge weight lifted. no more headaches sleeping a lot better .. i really hope it all turns out well for u lizt keep me posted .. chin up girl we will beat this ..

Hey!!... sorry not been on since Monday, I have the flu!!. must have picked up after my holiday a couple of weeks ago. I am feeling really really rough and I think with my body getting used to the anti depressants the last few days have been awful. I haven't gambled tobe honest haven't thought that much about it... maybe the flu came at the right time!!. My phone assessment went really well until I realised I would have to drive nearly an hour to get to see the counsellor not sure I am going to be able to do that every week to be honest but they said that they would be happy to do over the phone too. I think I will look locally too even if I have to pay privately... I'll have the money to do that now!!...how you doin out there??.. It's hard for me know if I am down because I am unwell or down because of this mess but whatever it is I haven't gambled and I think this maybe day 7 so that is a big plus xx

That's great news lizt !! The not gambled not the flu .. I also have a bit of a drive about 45mins there is a place where I live but I didn't fancy walking in and knowing everyone haha ... Keep up the good work hope u r feeling better soon then u can concentrate on getting your head round the not gambling side of things ..

Ha ha yes you have a point there. I think i would die if i knew anyone!!. Ahhh feeling quite up today. Had all the opportunity to gamble and didn't. I had the whole triangle and chose not to. Good feeling. Hope you are having a good day. I'm gonna grab them when I can. I'm sure not all days will feel this good but I guess this was my first big test. I had the money and opportunity. I still have the money in my account . Thought about it a few times but managed to stay away. I kind of get the cycle. I understand it. I treasure this place. It has helped me so much in such a short time. Xx

Good to hear that lizt just hope u can have all your days as good as this one .. It does feel great I've not gambled for 13 days now still got all my wages & feeling better & better every day that goes by .. I wish I had told the people that I care for a lot earlier but can't turn the clock back now .. I know I've been so lucky having people that care for me .. I have another counselling session tomorrow so I hope it goes well .. The guilt is still with me but if I can get over this I will be a new man but it won't go away for a while yet .. Good luck lizt & I hope you have more great days like today ..

Hi lizt how r u hope u r ok as I've not heard from u for a few days !!!

Hi ya!! I'm sorry ive been really poorly. Been absolutely out of it for the last few days. Seems this bug has really taken its toll on me. Hand on heart i haven't gambled i have thought about it laying in bed feeling sorry for myself but I haven't . Not sure how many days I've been gamble free but must be nearly two weeks now. I'm going to try get back in the docs today as whatever this is its just not leaving. Hope you're doing ok out there. X