Hi all, it’s been 2 and half years now since gambling addiction took over my life…here I am today with over 50k in debt- loans and credit card (Wife around 30k in debt - loans which she took to cover everything in this time for our family from mortgage to everyday bread since I “only had money for gambling” ).
Last week I went for a new loan (would have been 6’th one) got rejected and I started going thru my financial situation and writing everything down just to realise that I gambled my life away and broke every promise,support and sacrifice my wife made to get us so far.( I have been blind by the addiction all this time).
My mind and emotions started to get very dark and I got very scared that I might hurt myself and decide to look for help online.
I have a 4 year old daughter and my love for her safeguarded me from doing the unthinkable .
After a long chat on WhatsApp with a GamCare advisor (Charlie) I ended up self-excluding for 5 years on GameStop , installing GamBan on my phone , blocking gambling transactions in my bank app. and a very strong will to stop gambling it’s unbelievable…I don’t know where it came from.
As I stand today I will never gamble a pound again but on the other hand I am suffering/struggling mentally and I just can’t accept what I have done to my family . I feel like the money problem will never end and my dark thoughts are back.
I have never missed a payment on my debts in the last 3 years (all credit to my wife) and today we can just about go by every month with all the debt we have because of my gambling.
There are small things that maybe my daughter wishes and I can’t afford them because I have to pay 5 different loans + 4200£ on my credit card. How can I live with this ? I feel what a horrible human being I am and how my actions are affecting her (absolutely heartbreaking).
I wonder what good it does to quit gambling when it’s to late.
Depression , anxiety , shame and the struggle to keep all this in check at work like nothing is wrong kills me slowly.
I can’t get myself together to look for help on this side of the problem although I feel my gambling addiction is under control but the debt side of it won’t let me go on with life.
I would really appreciate any advice from someone who’s been here before and what can I do to keep myself sane and stop having these dark thoughts.
I can’t handle mettings in person or over the phone…to chat/write is the most I can do at the moment.
Hi DodyGeo,
Well done for contacting us at GamCare, and joining the forum here.
It sounds like the financial aftermath of gambling has affected your mood and self-esteem. Hopefully sharing peer support here on the forum can help you to develop more self-acceptance and self-compassion for the benefit of your recovery and your emotional wellbeing.
You mention that you only feel comfortable with text based support, so please call us on the Live Chat, we are staffed 24 hours a day so you can have a 1-2-1 chat with us on WhatsApp or Live Chat, at any time.
You might also like to look at some free debt advice services, like StepChange or PayPlan.
PayPlan 0800 280 2816
https://www.payplan.com/gamcare/
StepChange 0800 138 1111
https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/gambling-debt.aspx
Take care,
Adam.
Hello mate, well done on coming here and seeking help, and well done on finding that strong feeling to never want to gamble.
I'm relatively new on here too but a very similar story to yourself. Years of gambling came to a head when I couldn't take it anymore. the constant lies to my family to hide my debts and time spent away from them thinking of nothing else but gambling. It was such a relief to come clean and open up. Since coming clean my marriage has ended, I've slept in my car, I've been kicked out the home I helped build and have had to consider my life moving forward. I had some very dark thoughts, but thoughts of my family got me through them.
I have no choice but to live with what this has done to my loved ones. She found it to be beyond forgiving so this addiction has cost me my soulmate. The fact your wife is still with you is a sign that you will get through this together, It will take a long time before she trusts you again (probably never when it comes to money), and you have to understand that from her side. Give her full access to your bank accounts, credit file, anything she wants basically. It might hurt to start with when she looks at your accounts and realises the extent of your addiction but it will be a weight off your shoulders to have it all laid bare. You have a tough few days emotionally ahead!
I too was 50k in debt when I contacted Gamcare 45 days ago. Since then I've been gamble free, I've had 2 telephone sessions with them and these have helped. I've also contacted Step Change to sort my debts out and they have contacted all my creditors and sorted that out. They have been amazing. I now have a plan to be debt free and a goal in life. I have also been to 3 Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I, like you, was not keen on face to face help and the first meeting was a huge, nervous step, but it really has helped. Not for everyone and you have to be willing to go. Just being honest and open helps. Finally I keep a diary on here. I spill my guts and say things I would never usually be able to talk about. I've never been a talker, and this diary has been really helpful for me mentally.
So why do I say all this? I was you, 45 days ago. Ready to quit for good, struggling with life, total rock bottom financially and emotionally. Allot has happened in those 45 days. I move into a new place next week. I'm almost legally separated, I have a date to be debt free and I feel like my life has purpose now. It's going to be a tough ride over the next few weeks for you, but we all start somewhere and by talking to people in here you will realise it can be done and with the support of your family, Gamcare and whoever else you can get help from, you can beat this and live a normal gamble free existence.
Good luck, and if you want any advice please ask.
Stay strong
Lovely advice Fish. 🐟. Just to add to that, I think it would be extremely beneficial for you to contact Stepchange. When I first got into lots of debt many years ago, I didn’t know where to turn but I was put in touch with Stepchange - a free debt charity who charge no commission/no interest. You are just paying what you owe and for however long it will take, at an affordable monthly amount for you with no pressure applied. As Fish says, they contact all your creditors so you don’t even have to go through the stress of all that either.
Hope this helps and wishing you some comfort and relief very soon.
Take care.
Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.
Just going to put my experience on the table here. I destroyed my life a number of times and didn't even get a wife or daughter. After 15 years of gambling I finally have a partner and daughter. The money comes and goes so will the debt you owe. I am sure you will work hard to get back on track financially and emotionally more importantly. What's gone is gone that's just some thing all recovery gamblers have to accept.
You got this, keep coming back and helping and sharing.
Dave101
Just for today I will not gamble, and try to make it to a GA meeting again soon for a free cuppa tea and chat
Hi DodyGeo
I'm glad that you have made it here and I would like to echo all the things that have been mentioned above by the good people of Gamcare. Yes, good people including you, I know it is hard to believe right now but, just because we are gripped by this terrible addiction, doesn't mean we are bad people.
Also, by the way you sound you love your family very much, hence why you feel so remorseful of your actions through gambling addiction. This is a good thing.
Now, it's time to take responsibility and to be totally honest with your wife and yourself. Please approach Stepchange as advised at the earliest and sort out an affordable debt repayment. That way you can get the things your little precious daughter and you wife deserve, provided you let the gambling go out of your life albeit one day at a time.
Please, do not be too harsh on yourself as addiction loves the blame game, the more you keep blaming yourself the more you hold off taking action to sort out you life out.
Get rid of the gambling and everything else will slowly take care of themselves.
My best wishes for you and your family.
Ergos
GamCare it’s been absolutely life changing for me. Thank you everyone, what a fantastic charity and community.
It was hard to get in touch and I only done it by chat in WhatsApp but was enough to make a massive change.
I am going strong agains my addiction , I’ve put in place every advice and restriction recommended by the advisor and community and it helps …anyone reading this…do it(it absolutely helps).
My main drive back to gambling was chasing losses but now that I know it might be a solution for that like stepchange it took away the desire to go back to gambling.(another fantastic and life changing service for gambling addiction).
Yesterday was the first day in months when I went out with my wife and daughter (mostly parks) and I loved it. I can’t believe what gambling took away from me…it’s taking over and you forget to do even the smallest things for those around you.
I have a lot of work ahead to get back on track with my life but I just couldn’t do it without GameCare and I thank you all for that ❤️.
I haven’t started any financial solution yet because I am trying to convince my wife to do it in joint - I’ve put her aswell in over 30k debt with my gambling…she doesn’t trust me with anything anymore which is understandable .
If I will manage to get a financial solution without losing my family and house It will be something that will make me forget about gambling completely .
thank you everyone ❤️
Hi mate
I'm really happy to hear you're feeling strong against the addiction and your wife is sticking by you. You have no idea how important that is in the long term. I know as my wife has been putting up with my 25 years of gambling hell.
Please consider giving all the financial control to your wife, at least until you have had some counselling, recovery time where you will hopefully find out what tiggers you to gamble. Also, please make sure you pass all the advice from Stepchange etc., to your wife as you get it, you owe this to her as you have put her in debt not her. Continue to take responsibility to reciprocate the trust your wife put in you by taking a substantial debt for you. Over the years one of the main things I have learned is that honesty is one of the major antidotes against the gambling addiction.
Keep us posted of your progress and be safe.
Ergos
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