New here... Overwhelmed!

Hi gamecare

Welcome to the forum and well done for posting. You will find a lot of support here and a community of people who understand your struggle with gambling please keep reading and posting on the forum.

I would encourage you to call our helpline and talk things through with a GamCare adviser on 0808 8020 133 or on our netline. The advisers can provide emotional support and helpful information as well as facilitate a referral to free one to one counselling appointments if you’d like to access that service.

We are also here for those affected by others gambling so your wife can also contact us for support.

Best wishes

Rachel.

Thanks Rachel, I'm starting weekly skype counselling this week with your team. I want to quit but I'm naturally scared too.

I've offered my wife to call you kind folk, hope she does but I think I know what your recommendations may be for her and I don't want to lose them. My fear is you will advise to stand by during this difficult time and then she will leave after leaving me needing a release again. I mean that respectfully.

I want to change but I'm very scared of my future in all aspects.

Hi Mr.Blue,

You've come to the right place chap. Just doing this and the counselling sessions as you've described are the best start towards a gamble free life.

I completely understand and sympathise with the feelings and situation you've described, I think so many of us will. You are amongst like minded people here who understand and will not judge you. I understand when you say you aren't ready in honesty to quit and that you still have thoughts of winning it all back but you've got to let that thought go.

Some great advice I was given on one of my first posts here was that we need to understand as compulsive gamblers THERE IS NO WINNING the best we can ever hope for is to generate more stake for our next session, because we will always be back -we don't quit whilst we are ahead. I know it's incredibly hard but you need to let your loses go, accept they are gone, written off and you'll never get them back. All you would do by trying again would be to exacerbate an already financially bad situation. Try and focus on quitting and getting the help you need to do just that, try to alter your mindset -the "winning" for us is actually in abstaining. The only way to win is not to play.

I wish you well with your recovery, start a diary to chart your progress I've done this and I think it's helping me as is reading other people's diaries.

Change starts today.

FM.

Hi

Have to agree with FM. We can only begin to recover when we truly accept that there is no winning through gambling. As compulsive gamblers we have given our control to the gambling industry. We cannot walk away when we are winning, because we are always chasing the high and want to win more.

Sadly as we become more hooked on gambling, we start to lose more than money. We put strain on our relationships, we stress about paying our bills, we spend more and more time thinking about the next big win . The only winners are the fat cats in the gambling industry . Only you can choose whether to continue to exacerbate your problems by chasing your losses. But we are all here to support you in recovering, check out the 2014 Challenge in the overcoming problem thread. There is a real feeling of strength in numbers. Feeling that you are not alone in dealing with this. There is also a feeling of empowerment by taking charge of the situation and choosing not to give any more money to the gambling industry . Being on here together feels more powerful than spending time alone secretly gambling. Best wishes 🙂

Both thank you, such powerful words and feelings coming across... It's heart warming selfless time taken out to share and I thank you.

You are both right in everything you say, I assume you were once in my position but have built the strength. Do you mind if I ask how long it's been since? Are you truly happier and have drawn a line under the matter?

I've got everything riding on coming out of this you see, I lost a 6 digit amount of money in two months that was meant for a deposit for my family. If I do not have the money to buy a place then the car is out the bag amongst friends and family and I do think I could handle that pressure of failure openly because I clearly face it internally. My Wife wants to leave me with my two year old son and she's due our second in Nov. Nothing will stop me thinking that if that money was back I'd be in a better position to surrender all my finances and be stronger. I don't have a large salary, the amount I lost is x5 my take home annual pay and I earnt that money investing in property, a business but when I screwed my credit I panicked and sold everything and moved my family to a nice rented place with a view to buy.

I'm half the man I used to be five years ago, the money maker... Pressure to succeed amongst a childhood of hidden lies just got to me.

I'm in an impossible situation you see. Never the less I thank you for your replies. I will beat this, I will.

Thanks again

Both thank you, such powerful words and feelings coming across... It's heart warming selfless time taken out to share and I thank you.

You are both right in everything you say, I assume you were once in my position but have built the strength. Do you mind if I ask how long it's been since? Are you truly happier and have drawn a line under the matter?

I've got everything riding on coming out of this you see, I lost a 6 digit amount of money in two months that was meant for a deposit for my family. If I do not have the money to buy a place then the car is out the bag amongst friends and family and I do think I could handle that pressure of failure openly because I clearly face it internally. My Wife wants to leave me with my two year old son and she's due our second in Nov. Nothing will stop me thinking that if that money was back I'd be in a better position to surrender all my finances and be stronger. I don't have a large salary, the amount I lost is x5 my take home annual pay and I earnt that money investing in property, a business but when I screwed my credit I panicked and sold everything and moved my family to a nice rented place with a view to buy.

I'm half the man I used to be five years ago, the money maker... Pressure to succeed amongst a childhood of hidden lies just got to me.

I'm in an impossible situation you see. Never the less I thank you for your replies. I will beat this, I will.

Thanks again

Hi

In answer to your question I can honestly say I am not long into recovery , I am only on day 16. This however is the first time I have made a full commitment to recovery . I have had periods of abstaining prior to this but had never sought out help and back up so like my gambling was done in secret, my abstinence was also secret .

Since joining this site and the challenge I get a sort of team feeling, it feels like if I drop the baton I screw up the whole relay team. There for I do not want to drop the baton and I will help anyone on here to keep a hold of it too. So , yes, in just a couple of weeks and I can truly see and feel a difference. My finances are not great but I am starting to pay things a little at a time.

So here is a scenario for you , you desperately need your money back, you feel if you don't get the money back you will lose everything.

The way I see it, 4 possible outcomes.

1. You acquire more money to gamble with, you win some of your money back ........ And then you walk away ??

2. You acquire more to gamble , you win some of the money back ...... But it's not enough ..., so that goes in too and we are back to square one .... And repeat until infinity

3. You acquire money to gamble..... And you don't even hit a win ...... Yep that one is a bummer too

4. You hold your losses where they are right now, say stick, and see how life deals you. Not an easy option either but there is some sort of control in that choice.

I wish you all the best, and you know if your lotto numbers came up tonight I would be so happy for you. But I'm not sure it would cure you , compulsive gamblers can only start to recover when they realise there is no winning.

Best wishes x

Hi Mr.Blue,

Fella, that is quite a story. I really really feel for you. If I could wind back the clock for both of us I would. I know it feels like its "too late" or that damage has been done, but you have come to the right place, and its far better that you do that now than later when you are in bigger trouble.

I am not sure I am reading this right but it sounds as if you still want to attempt to recoup some of your loses. Please believe me, people like us simply cannot do that.

Even taking compulsive gambling out of the equation for a moment, trying to generate a win large enough to put a sizeable dent in your current total just isnt feasible. The big wins I had (and I was gambling every day sometimes all day) would happen roughly once every 10 to 12 days, the stake I had accrued (read wasted) to get that win ALWAYS out weighed the win itself, and true to form I would always play away some of that big win when i recieved it (sometimes all of it in fact) trying to "just get it a bit higher", "just keep winning a bit longer" making that "win" just another loss.

Winning your way out of the situation you are in would take very high stakes gambling, and is so incredibly statistically unlikely ... the outcome would almost certainly be an even larger loss. Even if that happened, you would still need to tackle the gambling problem you have now. As (mile end I think) it was pointed out to me, try to rationalise the stakes, it isnt just money you would be gambling, it is your family life, your childrens future, your sanity.

I know its hard, and I can see from what youve written its a large sum of money by anyones standards, but you HAVE TO STOP NOW.

in answer to your questions to me....

Do you mind if I ask how long it's been since?: Im new here myself. Im only seven days in possibly I am not the best placed to be giving advice with things so raw as they are. I can only tell you what I think has dawned on me, and repeat the wisdom given to me as advice by others going through this to you.

Are you truly happier and have drawn a line under the matter?: I feel currently like I have changed. Thats an incredibly bold statement at this stage for me, but I have to believe I wont fail. I also honestly have no urge to gamble anymore. As to drawing a line under it, Id like to say I have, but I am also struck by the fact that I think this will stay with me forever, even if its just the guilt and regret. Ive done something too big to fully undo, In time I hope i can put it behind me. Right now as to being happier... Im not there yet, its still too raw, I hate myself for what ive done and I feel very low most of the time at the moment. I still feel better now, even being this low, than I believe I would eventually have felt if I was still gambling.

Sorry for the long rambling reply. I hope you carry on reaching out, and you find the support you need here and elsewhere. Compulsive gambling is something we all have to beat, its not a path you can continue down as only self destruction awaits.

Keep strong, seek counselling and start a diary here charting your progress. This is the first advice I was given and its helped me even if only for seven days so far, its helped.

FM.

Truly valuable advice once again, I can totally relate to your feelings especially the lows. Everyone on here who can honestly feel better and that they are beating it are my idols.

Hearing you are both at 7-14days is great... I'm sure you'd agree you've been there before but only when you've maxed out with finances. Right now I have 0p with my wife holding the last of what we have. It's crazy really because in essence I'm whiling to lose my family which is the most important thing to me.

Talking to like minded people is truly amazing.

I've genuinely questioned my mental state, OCD symptoms.. Why do we push ourselves through all this misery. I must admit I don't blame anyone else but myself, no gambling site, tennis player that lost my game or even easy access payday loans. I accept full responsibility for my own actions. When I tried to quit a while ago, before the BIG loss I thought I had the breakthrough by acknowledging that but I now I've come to realise it's a mental battle.

Tomorrow I'll have my first counselling session 🙂

Thanks again people!!!

Hi

Good luck with the counselling, and take it one step at a time. I wish you well on your journey 🙂

Hello mate thank you for posting on my diary. Our stories do seem eerily similar, our second child is due in march and I know for sure I will lose him/her if I go back to gambling. Im nearly 50 days without a bet now and can honestly say that I don't feel any better, I feel flat and lifeless and am constantly down about the mess im in but most importantly by not gambling I'm not making the situation worse and I'm just hoping to hang in there as long as possible and hope that one day it clicks and I get the clarity that other people on here speak about whereby they know they will never gamble again, because im nowhere near yet.

gambling used to consume me 24/7, I missed out on so much of my sons early years because although I was there I wasn't really there if you know what I mean, always on my phone checking scores and looking for the next bet. I used to bet occasionally with control and I can't pinpoint the reason it spiralled out of control, but once it did there was no going back.

I thought I'd reached rock bottom so many times before but always went back, this time there's simply no option to go hack because there's no sources of credit left, which seems like where you are. All I will say is use this site to the max because the advice is invaluable-you are not alone by any means and by reading other people's stories the hope is there that you can indeed beat this. It's going to be a long road, lifelong in fact, I'm walking it because ive no option but I can see from other people that the longer we abstain the clearer things become and at least in abstinence we are not making things worse.

Best of luck mate, keep in touch and I will follow your journey.

Mark

I am not one for long rambling posts anymore so hopefully I can my point across. Gambling is your problem now and from it emanates most of your other problems. Continue gambling continue creating more problems, stop gambling and one by one start solving other problems. The first three months of recovery are the hardest once you get your head together the problems you now face can be surpassed.

Hi guys.

I'm amazed that there's so many people out there in similar situations to me. I always feel alone and ask why me but clearly I'm not the only one.

What I find is we have a big loss then decide its time to quit. Then a day or two later we find some money and start chasing. That's me anyway but the difference this time Is reading your stories and telling you mine.

My problem is online tennis. No patience just get a big win straight away. I had a big loss yesterday (over 1000) when I backed against a guy I usually back to win. I know I'm not going to win it back but it's so hard when I see a match im convinced can sort me out.

I've already looked at the matches but not bet which is good but being day 1 getting through it bet free is the target

Good luck all

Hey mate - Sorry to here about your gambling we are all in the same boat, you have a lot of replies to your post. I am to in the same boat, but I do not have a girlfriend or baby. That's your priority mate.