New to this…

Hi Hezza . I'm pretty new here too and finding my way around . So sorry to hear about your situation and I totally understand I was the same as you it was a heavy secret to keep and I confessed because I knew my partner was going to find out. It was scary and upsetting he was so angry and shouting at me but 6 days on I feel a burden has been lifted and have got myself banned from anywhere that I could gamble. Don't be too hard on yourself it is an addiction and I think it's a hard one to admit to yourself. I wish you strength and courage on your journey of healing . You can do it ☺️

@r1p7euasno Thankyou Mary, for taking the time to read and reply.

Im still in a fog I can’t think straight. I have counselling  session later and hope I can bring myself to speak to my hubby after that. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I’ve walked for miles debating if I have a right to be here, should I go, should I stay, should I just end it….. I won’t because I’m a coward! 
I haven’t  eaten for 4 days. I also haven’t had a drink (which I think made it worse)so one bonus I suppose. I feel sick to my stomach. I still can’t say it out loud. How can I begin this recovery!!

Day 5 gf, I’ve told the family. All of them. I feel disgusted with myself. I’m holding back so much stuff. My head is whirring. I don’t even know if I have a marriage left . They don’t understand. They are angry. I am broken. I am ashamed. I have realised that  I have always been this way. Any trigger whatsoever sent me fleeing for the bandits. Then once it was online, how easy it became. I gambled everyday for years. When I was controlling it (yeah right) I had limits on 2 accounts. By the end I had maybe 10 accounts.. that’s not controlling it, it was controlling me.

I can blame my past but there is no point. What is done is done and I can only change today. I have always kicked against authority, if I was told no I’d do it anyway. I always told myself I have No willpower. I am weak. Actually I’m just lazy. I put off everything until tomorrow. I tell myself I’m stupid. I’m not! But I believe that I am. I’m a coward. Which is good or I wouldn’t be here. I have never ever faced a problem. I just forgot about them, which i found quite easy to do. With the help of alcohol and gambling. Only now when I’m listening to the thoughts in my head I realise they were just all hiding in there. Sorry for the rambling on. Anyway at last I have taken the step to beat this and I have to for me, for my family, for my sanity. 

Thanks for your post and wishing you every success on your journey. I am new here and our story seems similar. I haven't told my wife yet about this time gambling. I am so embarrassed and afraid but I know I need to be 100% honest but this goes against all the lies for years and years. This is eating me up bit by bit. 

welcome to the forum heres some tips ive learnt

Number 1:

GET BLOCKS IN PLACE

Gamstop for online

Moses for local bookies

And Sense for uk casinos

It’s essential to do them all (you may say i only ever gamble online, or i only ever gamble in bookies) but down the line when you want to scratch that gambling itch or are impulsive like myself, Online, bookies and casinos become tempting.

Number 2:

When you get paid, pay all bills then transfer rest to a loved one for safe keeping.  Then it’s not in ur account waiting for the moment ur tempted by gambling its safe and sound and if you do really need it it’s there (either that or start to pay off highest interest debt each month (this will help massively), 

I transfer my money to my dad and have saved a lot over the years.

I top up my sainsburys card each month when i get paid for food shopping.

Number 3:

Limit the damage you can do with one visit to town:

The number of times in the past i’ve visited a cash machine for the bookies until i can’t get any more cash out!!!! Let’s save that!!!!

 U can limit cash withdrawals (just ask your bank)

You can not take your cards out (more difficult)

You can just take cash then all you can lose is that cash.

There is two step verification that your partner or parents can authorise your payments. (i’ve heard this is great)

Number 4:

With this new life away from gambling you will no doubt try to life a new healthy lifestyle (one step at a time) i found that drinking was clouding my judgement and making me gamble, smoking was inhibiting my breathing, drugs id also done in the past caused my mental well being to go down and these all led my weight, stress levels and ability to do well at work to diminish.  It took a breakdown in 2018 for me to realise all these habits needed to stop so i stopped one at a time to give me a better chance, smoking 2016, drinking 2018, gambling 2019….. 

MAKE 2023 UR YEAR FOR A FRESH LIFESTYLE< KEEP ME POSTED ADAM…….

Well 14 days no gambling and today I am really struggling. I feel so angry. I can’t put my finger on why! I want to gamble but I won’t. I am stronger than that but how do I stop this anger inside me. My family seem to think it’s over! It’s only just bloody starting. I thought telling them all would be hard but boy oh boy this is harder. I feel so despondent. I keep telling myself I am doing well but the brain isn’t listening.  

You are doing so well, and the good news its now in the past.

Don`t be too hard on yourself from experience it doesnt help.

Best thing you can do is be totally honest with those who need to know.

Work out why you do it and try to work out how to change that.

Definitely listen to Adams excellent advice.

How about praising yourself you are doing well here.

Well done work hard and good decisions will follow.