Hi everyone. I am new to this but saw your posts and have a similar experience. I gambled when I was at uni just small amounts to help pay for things and when I moved in with my boyfriend. I think sometimes the pressures of the world just get to us and it is so easy for it to get out of control. I started gambling again about 3 years ago and was engaged and my fiancГ© found out. He told me this was the last straw. I stopped and didn’t gamble for 11months before/after the wedding but then I was panicking about how I was going to afford to go on holiday and pay for Christmas and pay my husband back for the holiday so relapsed and for the last 2 years have been gambling on sites, taking out loans and payday loans to pay for it all and to keep it a secret. For the first time ever I gambled away my rent money. I knew I had a problem but didn’t feel I could talk to anyone. I am 27 and have a total of about £37k in debt. So I plucked up the courage on Monday to confess to my husband what I had done...the guilt I felt was enormous as he had just paid off his debts and was working hard as we were meant to be saving for a house next year. I was so scared he was going to leave me but instead he has been incredibly supportive. I have self excluded from all the sites I used and registered with Gamstop. He has taken out a loan and paid off my credit cards and pay day loans. We have a plan in action to pay off my other loans quickly as possible making extra payments. He is going to look after my finances and money and give me a small allowance each month for expenses and together we are going to get through this. He told my sister as he needed some support but last night I went and told my mum and she was very supportive. Obviously it is hard and they are disappointed but everyone who cares will just want to help. Today I am off to have a talk with the in laws. They know as my husband has told them but today will be the first time I am seeing them after they found out and I am so nervous. I want to get better and feel so much better now I don’t have to lie any more. Good luck to everyone else going through this horrible compulsion. I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you if you have read to the end.
Hi HHyatt,
Thanks for your post, and well done for your sharing your story with us. I’m glad you gathered the courage to inform your husband and later on other family members too; very brave move, and luckily for you they all have been supportive of you. Hope all goes well with when you meet your in-laws as well.
The thing is that if you don’t share your story at the appropriate places, you don’t get the help and support that you need to overcome your gambling problem, and this is because nobody will know what is going on with you.
There’s no need to suffer in isolation or secrecy as help and support is also available at Gamcare.
I’ll advise you to try and contact our free phone helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers.
An adviser can refer you for free counselling if that would help with your recovery.
I wish you the best in your journey to recovery, and do try stay in touch with us so we can continue to support you.
Above all, keep posting!
Kind regards,
Beatrice
Thanks Beatrice for your kind words and support. I am fuelling my stress into the gym and have just got back from a personal training session and feel ready for my conversation with the in-laws. I have signed myself up for some free online counselling with NHS and although I know I have a tough journey ahead and a lot to prove to my family I feel I can overcome this and so glad I am able to share x
Hi, I hope everything went well with the in laws yesterday, I know first hand how daunting it must have been for you. I know you will feel terrible shame and guilt at what you have done but now it is out in the open. Gambling addiction thrives on secrecy and makes good people do things they would never normally do. You have done the right thing telling your husband, and he in turn has also done the right thing telling family. You both need support to beat this, as you would never ever beat this addiction on will power alone.
You have the blocks in place so thats good, your husband should have access to your credit files too, to make sure you are not trying to obtain further credit for gambling. Sounds harsh but your husband is going to find it difficult to trust you initially, where money is concerned. Occasionally he will be very annoyed at having all the extra debt with nothing to show for it but just accept it. Always be honest and open and never ever have secrets.
I tell you this as I was exactly where you are almost 1 year ago, my wife stood by me and life is much better, there will be a few ups and downs along the way but I promise if you are committed to giving up, life will improve quickly. The first couple of weeks are tough as the guilt of what you have done is quite overwhelming.
If you need further advice keep posting. All the best.
Thank you Greenflash for taking the time to read and post to me. It is encouraging to hear you were in the same boat but now a year on. I hope you are doing well with your recovery. It was really tough with the in-laws yesterday but they are standing by both of us and will and are being supportive. It’s amazing how people surprise you with their generosity and support which in turn makes me feel sad and guilty that I didn’t say anything sooner but I know I can’t dwell on the past and have to move forwards. We have a plan in action for paying off the debt and saving for the house which is the ultimate end goal. I know I still have a tough time ahead but am willing to do whatever it takes to earn trust back and get through this and appreciate any guidance and advice anyone has so thank you. Yes I will give him access to my credit files and my login to bank account etc. The credit cards have been/are being closed and then it’s just the loan payments to go and we are going to make extra payments as well. I am going to be open and honest and communicate more. Thank you so much
8 days gf today. Feeling better. Work was less stressful yesterday. There are still a few people to tell but inspired by the love and support I have received from friends and family. Feeling like I can beat this. Have a good day all x
Sounds like you have taken the first important steps.
Self exclusion, openness with family and exercise.
As well as counselling, may I suggest contacting Stepchange, particularly given the level of your debts. It’s not s great idea for your husband to cover them, as many partners and parents will attest.
Stepchange will suggest solutions that as a minimum may freeze intetest and charges on your debts. It’s very difficult to make substantial progress on debts of that level if interest is accruing.
They may suggest an Debt Management plan, IVA or even bankruptcy.
Good luck
Hi,
You are extremely sensible and you should be proud of yourself. In life, we all have struggles. Many pretend they don't have a problem, including people on this site. Gambling is the biggest scam going! Get mad! It's designed by unscrupulous people and politicans to take every penny you have and take advantage of vulnerable people. Gambling has been perfected by highly intelligent people to bankrupt you. They have blood on their hands! I admit, many can gamble every now and again for fun and it isn't an issue, but for some it will destroy you. It takes a long time and a lot of pain to realise this but I hope you will realise there is no easy way to make money and the main reason is because once we win, we can't stop.
Keep being positive!
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