Hi All, So here's my story.
Always had a flirt with gambling since i was 16/17. As i got a bit older more money gambled, but never enough to go without anything. As i saw it gambling was all under control and it stayed that was for 6/7 years.
Fast forward to May/June last year. 25 years old. Loving fiancee and 2 children (3 and 6 months). Things started going wrong at work. Started gambling more...and more....and more. Made excuses to argue with my fiancee over silly things, my escape from reality, heading straight to the bookies or services (the best FOBT i could get too services being 24/7). Already had a loan from housing expenses etc so just topped that up. Lost all that. Got another loan Blew that. Got a credit card maxed that.
Then december last year (2015) it hit me, ive ruined everything. Ive lost ALOT of money. Arguing for no reason with my fiancee. I needed to sort this out so i borrowed money from my parents cleared my credit card and all was good for a month or 2.
Then BANG!!! maxed my credit card, but my parents had bailed me out. Ive now let everyone down.
So here it is May 2016, financial advice under way (IVA) early doors. Partner supports me, but at the same time we destory each other. Also the whole family know about how much of a t**t i am, but i still dont feel shame. Had an argument last night so went and withdrew £200 today, partner rung my dad and he physically caught me in the bookies, i felt shame today for the first time and although gambling is very very much in the forefront of mind im hoping i can smash my demons and beat this. No more excuses, no more arguements.
Sorry its long winded i could go on, thanks for reading my story. Im looking forward to making some 'friends' on here to see me through my battle.
Darren
Hi Darren,
I can relate to your story totally pal arguing and then trying to escape it all and before you know it £100 turns into £200 then £300 so quickly! It's scary how things can escalate and get out of control and you just lose all sense of reality! Chasing losses and it just spirals out of control and before you know it you've lost everything. It's the 4th of May and I've already done my wages for the month no idea what what I am going to do! I live with my gf but really have no idea where to turn! I just want to be rid of this illness but trying to take each day as it comes! We will get there buddy just have to believe 🙂
Hi Darren
Thanks for writing your story and you are in exactly the right place.
I hope you will continue using the forum. Phoning gamcare is a great idea as the one to one conversation will be very helpful to you.
There are several stages you will go through on the road to recovery. Make no mistake Darren. This is about saving any quality of life you have left. Its about saving your relationships and important things in life
Its going to take discussing and admitting to all your family and fiancee that you have had a problem. There is no shame in admitting a gambling addiction got to you but they are all going to need to hear what you are doing to stop completely.
A gambling addiction is dangerous and one of the strongest addictions. You will learn all about it here. I cant stress enough that it will leave you alone in the gutter with nothing left. Thats gambling! Its not an income scheme and your behaviour will just sound crazy to your loved ones.
It doesnt mean you are a bad person...you became addicted to a dream like many other people. Your mind has been seeking the chemical highs and controlling you
You must reach out for all the help you can get. You must be ready to block and self exclude from the bookies. You now have a full blown addiction and must enter the recovery process.
Focus on what gambling has done to you. You can see what it has done to your finances but a gamblers mind ignores reality when it is addicted and indeed ill.
A chat with the doctor would be a great idea for a check over where you can explain what you have done. A counselling service is available.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi I started gambling when I turned 18 as me and all my friends would put down accas and spin change on roulette machines, I rapidly came addicted to winning and thrived the feeling of winning. Every time I lost I would keep telling myself that I can stop and tomorrow will be the day I'll stop and become clean, this was a few months ago but ever since then it has gotten worse, I am now gambling bigger stakes and doing ridiculous gambles in attempt to make my money back. Today was the day I have finally seen through myself to the gambler I am, I lost £1,500 on online roulette and it has left my bank account in over draft, I'm going Napa during the summer and have spent all of my spending money and more all in one day! I hate myself for this, I wanted to kill myself because I felt so worthless, yesterday I kept telling myself that I was clean as I hadn't gambled for a few days, I was so proud of myself as financially I was starting to look really healthy just to blow all of it within an hour, when I used to lose I would up the stake until I broke even or hadn't lost that much but I always told myself that one day it'll backfire and that'll be the day I'll loose all of my money and that day has finally came, I regret the decision so much and cannot emphasis how much I beat myself up over this. I really hope today will be the day that I see gambling for what it is, but the desire to gamble to win back what I've lost is ever so more tempting which is such a horrible feeling as there's no other way to get what I've lost back, at work I think over and over again how many hours it's going to take me just to earn what I lost in an hour... I hate myself for this and I'm embarrassed, ashamed of my actions.
Seany sounds like were in a similar boat pal. Slightly different but same. Thanks for the comments nice to hear others are going through the same.
I've just got home now to a load of agg quite glad I have no money tbh because I would probably be ending up betting right now!
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