On-line Slots!

Hi Helen

We are definitely not bad people. We have lost our way, that's all. I never, ever thought that I would be an addict (for that's what it is) of any kind especially as I had lived once with an alcoholic for 7 years and saw what it did to him and his family.

HK - I think telling someone is the hardest thing. Once you have admitted you have a problem you then actually have to say the words out loud to someone. I told my boss first as I needed a loan from the company. I have a new boss now and she is very supportive, as is my sister. They don't really understand but have really tried. My partner I told about 2 years ago and told him it was all under control but I would be in debt for many years. He was ok but then he likes a flutter on the horses (I can't see the attraction with that kind of gambling fortunately). He doesnt know that I carried on gambling until this year. The hardest person was my mum when I needed some money which was just before I came to this site and started my recovery. She wouldn't even listen or try to understand so this upset me a lot. In all I have been very lucky with the support I have, even my daughters know a bit but not to the extent that the problem really is.

People who know you and love you will not be ashamed or disgusted. Even if they don't understand I am sure they will support you as best they can. Perhaps you can print some information about problem gambling from the internet so they can see that it is a terrible disease and it takes a hold of you. It is not something easily controlled no matter how hard we try.

Sorry Helen, I seem to have taken over your thread a bit. Can't stop me talking !!

Be strong girls, we can all do this.

Elfie x

Hey Elfie - I don't mind you taking over my thread especially when what you say makes so much sense you're very supportive. If you've been reading my diary you will see I was really struggling to stop. I'm left without funds for the rest of the month. If my husband will help me get back on an even keel I SWEAR I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN! Never been so low ..... am hoping he'll bail me out this one last time. Going to ask him tomorrow tho daren't tell him how much debt am in.... wish I was careful with money like he is. Will post tomorrow. Take care. Helen. X

Hi Helen and Elfie, it really helps to read your replies. We must try and stay strong.

I couldn't sleep again last night (well a couple of hours but that is all) and actually logged on to the online casino, but I didn't deposit any money even though I was really tempted. I just logged on and watched the roulette wheel spin round a few times and logged back out! I must admit, I have severe lack of funds until I next get paid, so that is helping me right now and I haven't gambled for 3 days.

I feel much calmer and less stressed when I tell myself I can't gamble and find other things to do instead.

Hope you are both ok tonight ladies xx

Hi HK! I know it's difficult..... gets worse before it gets better. It's easy to refrain from gambling when you have no money.... that's the reason I haven't gambled since 18th. Husband and I going out this afternoon and when I have the opportunity - am going to ask him to bail me out on the pretext I got so behind with my bills (daren't admit to the gambling again) .... if he agrees to bail me out it will be as a LOAN and I will have to repay it. I WILL NOT GAMBLE EVER AGAIN. I have no money for clothes, make-up, b'day presents for nearest and dearest or anything else that suddenly takes my fancy! Struggle to pay for food! Hard to believe I got myself into such a mess but have to accept it - must look to the future and forget about the thousands and thousands I have squandered. LETS ALL BE STRONG AND BEAT THIS AWFUL THING! Helen. X

Hi Helen

I've been away from the site all week so have only just caught up with your posts and replies. Like you, Elfie and others, I was totally hooked on online slots and whilst I was fortunate enough not to get into serious debt I certainly was wasting an awful lot of money and having to live off my overdraft each month. Not only money, but time was being wasted too, and I suddenly realised that being in my sixties, time is much too precious to waste goggle-eyed in front of those stupid reels.

Well done on managing to keep away from the slots so far. Could I ask - have you actually self-excluded from all the sites you use, and also have installed blocking software? Doing those two things will help you so much, because believe me, you will find yourself thinking (certainly in these early days) about what you are missing and will hear that little voice saying "go on - just a quick go and I might win back enough to solve my financial problems". Well, the answer to that one is - no, no, no! There is a saying on here "I cannot win because I cannot stop" and it is so true. As you have found out so painfully, there is no way a compulsive gambler can ever hold on to winnings, however great - they will all be lost eventually. The scary thing is that you become numb to all logical thought about how much you are letting slip through your fingers.

I hope this message doesn't sound too negative as you have taken such a great and positive step to rid yourself of this horrible addiction. You can do it, and you will.

Elfie is a great example to follow! I see also that you have joined the 2014 Challenge and that will really help. Some weeks ago Mr Brightside talked about letting our 'Life Music' drown out our 'Gambling Music' by taking up other interests, getting out more and generally making room in our lives for fulfilling and enjoyable things to take the place of pointless and destructive gambling.

It really does work!

I also hope that you have been able to sort things out with your husband; I am sure that if you can show him how much you want to give up that he will give you lots of support.

Best wishes for your journey

Joanna

Hi Joanna! Thank you for your post and wise words! I find this site a great comfort. Husband did help me out financially tho I haven't told him about the gambling.'i haven't told anyone. Husband wouldn't understand..... he'd just say STOP and would expect that it's easy! I am making a great effort - have excluded from all the sites and installed K9 blocker. Good luck to you and stay in touch. Helen. X

Hi Helen

I am so glad your husband was able to help you out. I think people do think it is easy to stop. Unless they have been where we have they do not understand no matter how hard they try. That is why this site is so great, everyone understands and no-one judges.

Have a look at my diary - I had a near miss:(

Keep up the good work.

Elfie x

Hi Helen - As Elfie has said, good that your husband helped. I know that many people on this site have felt better by telling their family and friends, but sometimes we have to work things out in secret. Although my family know that I no longer gamble, they never knew the extent of my addiction (and probably never will) - they are just pleased that I am not chained to the computer any longer, am healthier, and seem to have more money than I used to have - and that's good enough for me!

If I'm right you have now been 'sane' for nine days - that's some achievement - well done.

I am sure you are already feeling better.

Best wishes

Joanna

Thanks Joanna! Am gamble free at present... do feel much better tho still very hard up and juggling my finances to lessen my debts. Husband doesn't know about the gambling ..... can't ever tell him....have to sort this thing myself. Should be easier now.... self excluded from everything and K9 on laptop. Can't gamble on phone anyway. Am hanging on in there.... hope you're all doing ok!! Good luck everyone and thanks for your wishes. Helen. X

Well done Helen - go girl!

I self excluded from all the sites i used

changed pin number looked away

well done

Found you Helan. Reading your initial post on 13th August and reading the posts you have wrote to me you have seemingly made progress in this short period. Well done give yourself credit. You made me smile give yourself a pat on the back for making a stranger smile. Keep up the good work and have a brill weekend.

Sam

Hi Helen. I'm in exactly the same boat I have debt of 5000 with credit card and overdraft all because of online slots. Like you I love cleopatra and once had a big win on that game on a low stake, since then I have just been chasing that win and chasing my losses. It's so hard to give up. Today I closed all my online casino accounts and believe me there were a lot. I've done this before but just looked for new accounts to open and there are so many. I have set deposit limits but once the funds are gone it just makes you eager to find another site. This time I am determined to stop searching for more online casinos. It's just so impulsive. I have been gambling for at least 1 years the amount of money I have lost I hate to think, like you I feel ashamed and disgusted. I hope you can stop and I hope I can too.

Hi Charls32,

You may have noticed already, that we also have a recovery diary section on this forum. Helen, who you replied to in this thread also has a recovery diary.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/index.php?tid=312930

You may want to interact with her and others there as this section is more for initial introductions. Of course, it's fine to post here, too. I noticed that you are new to the Forum and wanted to give you a little support in how to navigate all this.

Kind wishes

Gabriele

Helen, just popping in to wish you continued strength. Thanks for your posts on my diary, Dark Place