Ready to kick this for good!!

Hi Jeffrey2010

Welcome to the forum.

Its interesting what you say about different locations and not missing it or being focused on something else. I would like to know more about that. Perhaps you have plenty to do or enjoy being focused on what you do. The times away from gambling are not the real test though as I could have breaks but was never in control when it reared its ugly head again. When I put proper blocks on I regained control over my life

Are there any stress issues related to work or winding down when here. Gambling is a very complex addiction which will weedle its way in due to anxiety stress depression or boredom. It can be a a short term escape for a hole in the soul or deep issues. You have highly charged job so do you seek a similar buzz in life?

You have to realise whats important now and Im sure you can beat this. This forum will be a great help and if you block and let your wife really help, gambling will be history

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Joydivider, thanks for commenting. Looking back, being away from home was the most frenetic part of my life. I deployed to Afghan 5 times in 3 years, each stinit was 3 months long. When there i was an engineer fixing helicopters and it was a frantic pace of work. I was doing 12-14 hours per day, 7 days a week with no day off for 3 months but it was hugely satisfying work and i loved it. What you say about it rearing its head is so true because when i would return home gambling was one of the first things i would do. My naivety was that being able to not think about it for 3 months meant it was not really an out of control problem, but i know now that thats not true. When i left that job i moved to another place where the job was the polar opposite. I could be in work all week and only do 5 hours work in total all week. Gambling definately took hjold more in that period and even now im working back on aircraft fixing large plaves but the lack pace, satisfaction and challenge means i have to much time to gamble. Last year i stopped for 6 months after a confrontation with my wife and it felt good to speak to her and get the weight off my back. I started running everyday, got thinner, fitter and stronger. But i deployed again to Cyprus that summer and after 2 months out there i picked up a knee injury that stopped me running and guess what, i started gambling again!! My wife thinks fundamentally im unhappy and theres something missing from my life that i have not found yet to fill the 'hole in the soul' as you said. I definately believe that now. I hace never ever been in a bookmakers! I walk past them everyday and would never go in, so why cant i stop gambling online?? Its just very confusing and counterintuitive to me that walking into a betting shop and placing a football bet has no appeal what so ever but doing it on a laptop does!! I have read loads of the forum posts and am really pleased to have joined this site (my wife sent me the link). Day 3 now and moving forward slowly. Will go for a run again today and start blowing off the cobwebs and get my head straight.

All the best!!

Hi

Yes that very interesting and there is no shame in realising that compulsive gambling is often seen as a symptom of other issues.

As I have discussed with other people its interesting that I have never gambled online but arcades and bookies machines were the very definition of temptation for me.

I have never handled stress and anxiety well. I became a loner and a drifter with no real aims in life...scared of making decisions for myself and that was my issue trigger to escape gambling. I didnt gamble for quite a while when working but then ended up blowing £600 in a scottish arcade one day....when I was supposed to be walking round enjoying the sights and doing a bit of shopping.

Any bad news or a fake course we all walked out on, leads to trigger points. I walked out into town...tried some shopping but the only thing I wanted to do was stand in front of a machine. It was like a short term shot in the arm of escape which was actually harming me greatly. I say short term but I have been known to stand there for most of the day not being able to leave other than confused trips to the servicetill. My mind would briefly think stop but I couldnt physically leave.

I dont really drink, I have never done drugs and gambling is what I did to trance out. With counselling its come out that it was some sort of instant comfort blanket from a life I couldnt cope with. Its also linked with the emotions and wanting to feel good and bad with what the machine was doing to me....very complex in that I was escaping numbness and the machine was just putting me in a hypnotic trance. Even the experts have more to learn about the brain

Ive lost count of the number of pub sessions and arcades. I have not been in control for forty years and any breaks were not the real test until I started taking proper steps to stop gambling.

Its an addiction which defies rational explanation. It only beacame clearer to me when I finally dealt with who I am and why I ever had the excuse to consider myself bored with nothing better to do.

Im not saying that the money, chasing and the flutter feeling doesnt play a part. I should have computed decades ago that it was a mugs and a losers game for "entertainment" at best. I dispute that it was ever really fun or entertainment

The addiction is so deadly because its many things wrapped up into one and we all have our trigger points into it

Ive walked home to empty cupboards and to my shame Ive gambled bail out money from my parents.

You know it doesnt mean that we are thumbing our lips and I have a lot going for me which makes my addiction even more mysterious.

So you are in the right place and Ive no worries that you will do it with the support of your family blocks and finding better things to do

I dont miss anything because it was cleaning me out and causing deep pain when reality returned

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I do now believe that my gambling is rooted in a deeper pychological issue and ive accepted that. My wife and i are going to have some counselling sessions to talk about it more. I was very socialable in school and had great friends but since then i could only really say i have had 5 close friends and i dont even see them now as we live in different parts of the uk. My first base i lived at was in Norfolk and i faced a 6 hour drive home on the weekend and 4 hour return journey so i ended up just staying on base alone while everyone else went home to family. This led me to becoming more of a loner, spending weekends on my own just wasting my money on gambling. I ran up debt but not a huge amount, but was wasting all my wages pretty much on gambling. Only one occasion have i spent my families money on gambling at that was years ago when i used a joint credit card i had with my girlfriend to spend £300 on sports betting. I have never taken savings or money from our joint account to gamble, i have always stopped when i have used all my personal money. I do drink, and more than i should, but not to anywhere near a problem amount. I work shifts and find it hardest when i work nights because i dont see my wife and son as im in work when they get home from work/nursey and im asleep when they leave in the morning. When i get in ar 2am im alone in the house and bored. I play playstation which is my stress relief and have a beer/bottle of wine (not every night). Unfortunately i work nights half of every month which gives me ample opportunity to gamble. Now im trying to get back to running and going to the gym, which i can do after night shifts to and im kick starting my higher education study to get my brain going. I feel like the last few years of gambling, the stress, worry and low self esteem has taken the edge of my mental agility. More forgetful, and less able to think quickly like i could in the not to distant past and i think its down to depression/stress. Need to re-focus on whats really inportant to me. Day 4 now and feeling good, ran 13km last night and 11km the night before and it felt great. Im really trying to open up to my wife now so when the difficult times come, which they inevitably will, i can speak to her straight away and get myself sorted.

Looking forward to getting back to the uk and looking into the mental side of my gambling and hopefully finding what it is. I know theres lots of baggage from my youth that ive never really thought about so maybe theres a minefiled of information in there that needs to come out.

Take care

Great. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you talk a lot of sense.

Stress and depression are a mysterious thing. I never really knew what I had until it was gone and the truth is Ive never been satisfied or content in many ways. Maybe I just needed a good relationship but this addiction affects people from all walks of life in relationships or not.

You make a good point about circumstances and feelings taking the edge of mental agility. Ive had days where my head just feels full of concrete. Ive had days where Ive crawled back into bed. Ive had days where I thought I was ok but then felt lonely in town and ended up seeking the flashing lights of an arcade.

Its a tough gig working and raising a family today. Life isnt always a bed of roses but gambling is never the answer. I think they push gambling so much these days because times are tough and its an easy tax on the poor and the stressed

Self excluding was the best thing I ever did because I have to find other things to do now like the gym

You are in the right place. With all the help and advice here Im sure you will make it history

Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect and freedom.

You will do it because you know now that its time to stop.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum