Recovery starts today

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(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

This is my first day on GamCare and I have found it really helpful reading every1s stories I recently lost just under a grand since Thursday last week...it doesn’t sound a lot in comparison to what some people lose but I’m still left feeling gutted and really disfunctional, it’s the feeling of depression and worthlessness I can’t stand, these feelings stay with me longer than any feelings of winning and im constantly questioning myself as to why I spent all my money again? Why am I now going to spend another month skint ? my gambling habit has been a horrible cycle since March last year I had a big win and that just made me worse to be honest.. it doesn’t matter what I win because I’ll just continue to pump that money back in, keeping the bookies in business..at the moment I’ve self excluded from all sites I’ve cancelled my cards so my partner can take control of finances for a while... I can think sensible after a loss because I’m so depressed.. the real test for me is towards the end of the month and payday, wish me luck I just want a year gf ..good luck to anyone else trying it really is an evil habit

 
Posted : 7th January 2018 5:30 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Hi well b 1,

i am the same when it comes to big wins, my gambling ramps up when I've one big, I'm determined to stay with it this time, I've been here too many times before and my family really are on the line for me. Absolutely great idea regards handing over control of finances, I've did this all again but this time with real meaning and measures that means I won't wean my way back into the finances. Have you got someone to share your feelings with? It's never easy to open up when we do the things we do and in the cold light of day the true reality of what we have did through gambling in the past can look horrific to most people and of course it is, but opening up for me this time completely has lifted a burden off my shoulders. Wishing you all the best

 
Posted : 7th January 2018 10:48 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

hi, I’ve been in denial I didn’t realise I was a compulsive gambler until recently, to win nearly £1000, or even £400 wen your more or less skint and gambling it away again then pumping more money in chasing loses without thinking about the consequences until you’ve spun your last penny is just soul destroying the feeling after is so awful you beat your self up enough just dealing with that let alone what money you lossed I feel different today like I’ve made steps to make real change opening up on here has been really helpful I don’t feel so alone some of my family and friends know but they don’t know how bad so no I haven’t had anyone to talk too, it’s the mental affect it’s having on me that needs to stop....I know I’ll be fine the next week or so cos I don’t have the money to gamble its when my pay day rolls around that will be the real test for me the end of the month.....thank you for commenting and I wish you luck too I’ll keep an eye out to see how your getting on and I’ll definitely be updating myself all the best

 
Posted : 8th January 2018 12:24 am
(@Anonymous)
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Hi well b 1

Our stories are very similar and I’m also new to the site, I kept my gambling secret and the mental strain is horrible, in many ways it’s worse than the money lost. I’ve now stopped and my wife knows everything and I feel so much better, still hate myself for what I’ve done but talking about it really does help.

I’ve now been put on anti depresants to deal with depression ( I’m not saying that’s the solution as I’ve always had a slightly depressive side ) however I believe the toll that a gambling addiction can take on you mentally is more than a good enough reason to say I’m not going to make that deposit.

I hope all goes well for you and when payday comes you stay strong.

 
Posted : 8th January 2018 3:07 am
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Thank you it’s kind words of like minded people and being able to finally open up is what’s really helping me.., I made a doctors appointment today I think I get quite depressive and could do with extra help .... sometimes if I get down or if I’ve had a drink I can really fall back into gambling again so I need to tackle every weakness just in case....i borrowed £50 today normally I’d gamble at least a tenner but the urges have not even been there today so I’m hoping this is a good sign.. as I say the true test is the end of the month ! Hope your doing well all the best

 
Posted : 8th January 2018 7:54 pm
(@Anonymous)
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I couldn’t agree more, any help you feel you need you should take it, I feel so much better already but ultimately that’s down to not gambling the tablets will take a couple of weeks at least to take full effect but it’s the fact that I’m not gambling or lying to my wife which is giving me my boost.

Can I ask if you gamble online and self excluded? I believe you can also do it in shops too but I’m not 100% on that, I never went in to a betting shop because the thought of handing over 500 on a bet would be ridiculous to me but on a screen it’s just a number and didn’t feel the same to me.

I do sincerely hope you feel better in yourself and the fact you haven’t gambled today I would defiantly take as a big positive.

Again stay strong!

 
Posted : 9th January 2018 12:13 am
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Same ..I went passed a bookies today and thought the same thing, I’ve never gambled in a bookies I couldn’t hand over a wedge of money like that I completely agree it just seems crazy not that I’m knocking anyone that does go into a bookies, gambling is gambling I’m relieved I don’t though it’s an area that hasn’t concerned me yet numbers on a screen has a different impact for me, how strange that we can easily just constantly pump into an online site because of how simple it is to deposit ...next time I have an urge I’m going to try and come back to this conversation for me the appeal is a lot stronger online, I suppose you can conceal the habit a lot easier so many times I’ve been up all night gambling I’ve had no sleep but I’ve pretended to my boyfriend ive been asleep all night and then felt mentally exhausted and depressed the next day if I’ve lost again,I have certain games I like to play mainly the ones I’ve won big on if there was no online gambling I wouldnt be addicted I’m so sure of that.... I’ve never excluded from the bookies but I’ve excluded from every site I’ve been addicted to on line....i feel good for not wasting the small amount of money I currently have i did have an urge earlier it was a just a small moment of weakness but I kept strong .... so far still so good what steps have you taken to fight the urges ? And again good luck with all this

 
Posted : 9th January 2018 10:13 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

I was the same, for me i would always bet on football so I would going from first thing in the morning until early into next morning, staying up late because I’m ‘ not tired ‘

The urge will be there but the fact that you haven’t given in is a big first step I think, i think the thing to remember is you will lose if you give in to the urge, I used to lose a lot but think oh well I’ll just chuck more in and the next one will win it all back, again bank accounts, credit cards are all just numbers on a screen and if I had credit then I would use it... and ultimately lose it.

I have self excluded from every bookie that I’m signed up for, I went through a list yesterday and only found one which I hadn’t so that’s now been done too. Is your boyfriend aware of your problem? One of the steps I’ve got in place now is both me and my wife will sit down each month with full disclosure of bank accounts and credit card statements and even credit reports if need be, that way it makes it a lot easier to resist the urge because she will know what I’ve done. May not work for everybody but it certainly is keeping my urges at bay, that and I’m at a point where I’ve really decided enough is enough and I really just don’t want to do it any more.

Keep positive and good luck.

 
Posted : 10th January 2018 12:55 pm

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