Hi everyone,
I am not new here but it has been years since I was having problems and thought this would never be an issue again, my original account has disappeared!Â
I first came to this site about 14 years ago in a very desperate state, single and living on my own, up to my ears in debt with hardly anything to live on due to an addiction to online casinos. After some yo-yoing with relapses, abstinences etc I finally stopped gambling just under 10 years ago, repaid approximately £40,000 in debt and self excluded from all internet casinos as far as i am aware. I have a very good job, am well paid, have completed some professional courses, am in a stable relationship now and started to build up some savings. My credit rating was excellent for the first time in my life last year.
In the last 2-3 months however, i have been spending money on online games which unfortunately I stumbled across a little while ago through advertisements. These games have "entry fees" rather than stakes to win a pot of cash. They are categorised as competitions so it seems they do not fall within the gambling industry so there are no controls available to players such as setting deposit limits, self exclusion and it takes 14 days to delete your account. In reality, these feel very much the same as the online casinos I used to use disguised as competitions. I have emailed their customer services department many time and then their legal department after having no response to try to block my account but have not had any reply.  Since January, i have lost all of my savings and have raked up nearly £10,000 on credit cards. I have managed to bring my credit rating down to "fair" in the space of a couple of weeks.Â
I am fortunate enough to have experience of paying off debts, and I can afford to pay this off in the next year without any significant impact on my finances as long as it stops here. However it feels that i am right back at the beginning of my journey again due to the difficulties of putting blocks in place to physically prevent me from going back to this.Â
My problem though, is that I feel terrified about how this is going to affect my partner. We were starting to look at buying a house and I will now not be able to qualify for a mortgage for at least the next year because my finances are now looking batsh*t crazy. He is really excited about this prospect but I am feeling physically sick with anxiety everytime he talks about looking for a house.Â
My partner also has a history of gambling problems and we spoke about this when we first met. He had to declare himself bankrupt at one point but still gambles, although he used to gamble in face to face venues such as casinos and sports venues, now he has the occasional "flutter" but never gambles more than he can afford and walks away. He knows that I had a huge problem in the past but thinks that this is all behind me and repeatedly tells me how proud he is that I overcame it and am out of debt. I feels so ashamed about this and i need to tell him but I think that this is going to devastate him. I believe that this will likely end our relationship and although I know I will survive all of this, I am so sad that I have put myself and him in this position. I also dread having this conversation with him as although he can be supportive, he can also be extremely critical and judgemental and will dissect every aspect of what I have done which I can't bear to talk about.Â
The last time I was in this position, I was single and had no responsibilities to anyone else so although it was awful and probably one of the worst times in my life, I didn't quite have the sense of shame that I do now.Â
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Anyway, any tips on how to raise this with my partner will be very appreciated!Â
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Best wishes everyone X
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Hi Gcon1Â
Thanks for posting and sharing your story , acknowledging this is really positive. There's a lot of hope and you have done the hardest step and most important step in admitting to the issue and seeking support for it , things can and will get better each day gamble free.
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
All the best with everything , stay strong.Â
KirkÂ
Forum AdminÂ
Hi @dq3namcxoe I wrote a long post but my internet cut out and I lost it. I apologise.
I don’t know if you have told you’re partner yet but better sooner than later imo and finding the right approach is best as you said he is critical and judgemental but I hope he wants to solve or help find a solution to the problem. I know you are aware of what made you slip back into it and I have done that sort of thing many years ago. The thing is it’s best to just get back on you’re horse and keep riding along with your recovery regardless of how many years away from it you have been before. It was complacency  and it happens to all of us one way or the other.Â
 I truly hope your partner can forgive you and you both do get a house together and you continue you’re recovery a little bit wiser.
physical GA meetings might give you some more help or support.
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dave101
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HiÂ
Thank you for your strength in letting us know that you were vulnerable.
I use to think that once I got long clean time I was over my addictions and obsessions.Â
Now I understand each time I went back to my addiction I did not know how to cope with my last emotional trigger.
Some once told me it was a cheap lesson if I learned any thing from it.
Your clean time can not be lost.Â
For me the recovery program was abaout healing the hurt inner child in me.
Pains in my past caused fears in me that I did not understand.
For me rooms that gave more therapies than reading text really helped me.
In those therapies a person would say some thing and in that instant it was a light bulb moment I got it and understood it was very clearly.
In time my intimacy grew in the rooms, and then over time my intimacy was shared with my family.
At times I can be an a*s hole yet I can laugh at my self more often these days.
My recovery and healing took time.
I have been in recovery since 1969 and people think I am weird still going to meetings.
Yet I understand that my recovery and healing is far more thna not gambling.
Only when I love my self could I love other people.
Only when I respect my self could I respect other people.
I go to meetings nearly every week and I am endebted to people in the rooms with out them all I would not be the person I am today.
All the best with your healing and honesty.
Thank you for your honesty and strength.
Dave L
Thanks for all your supportive comments ans sorry for not replying ealrier but after I posted my original message, I went back to it afterwards and continued gambling. I have lost a further £7000. I procrastinated so much and now after all those months and more money, I have finally stopped and have told my partner this afternoon. He was amazing about it, I actually can't believe it. He was very rational and considerate which I'm not surprised about as he is very psychologically minded but I had expected him to be a bit more emotional and angry than he was and to consider whether we had a future together. He completely assured me that he had no intention of ending things, said that he didn't feel betrayed but that I will need to work on this to ensure that it doesn't happen again, that i needed to grow up a bit (but not in a judgemental way-he's right), and that I need to be open and honest with him about all of my debts and make realistic payment plans. I really wish I had not been so cowardly before and told him earlier, it would have saved me several panic attacks, lost sleep and thousands of pounds.Â
I know that not everyone will respond like that but I had to tell him and however he responded would have been preferable to continuing as was.Â
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