Ruined my own life ):

Hey Amanda, congratulations on hitting another great milestone!! Over 50 days now without a bet, could you have imagined that 90 days ago?

The most important thing right now is to stay focused on you and your family and to move on from this terrible episode in your life. Don't take your eye off the never ending target of staying gamble free, I've seen so many peoples stories where they think they've beaten it and fell back into the trap, truth is I'm not sure we ever actually beat it. It's about how strong you are mentally in controlling that urge, I think for people like us we had a big scare too...yours much more than mine. You faced prison, I almost lost everything and I can't tell you how much my wife still being here has helped. She may not actively know it but if she had ended it as she had insisted at the time of me telling her the truth then I can't imagine that I would be where I am now. I work away on a rotational basis of 28 days away 28 off, I spend everyday of those 28 days off reminding myself of how lucky I am, trying to figure out how I almost let myself ruin my wife and childrens lives forever, and most importantly enjoying spending time with them because for a long time in my life they were 2nd to this addiction and I've promised myself that will never happen again.

I'm not sure if you have read my diary but I ran up a figure of debt that could have bought a house, not to mention the amount of money I spent that I could actually afford. It was a very very dark moment in my life and by the time I spoke the truth I was in a very bad place. I'm very fortunate that I work in an industry that has allowed me to pay back a large chunk of those debts in 17 months and hopefully be debt free by later in the year. It's been a long road and not one I will be travelling again. My family, my home, myself were all neglected to make sure that I could put that bet on. I spent so much time on my phone gambling that my wife thought I was having an affair, I can't even imagine how she must have felt. I've said to a few people before that were in the early stages of addiction read my diary and if by the end of it you think it's still worth it then you really have a problem....If I knew then what I knew now I'd have never placed that 1st bet that sent me into that final spiral but sometimes we learn the hard way.

I agree with you sitting down with your ex employer and helping them, you're taking all the right steps to make sure you don't do it again so turn this negative into a positive and help them also make sure this doesn't happen again. I know I would do it and you may feel better for it afterwards. Great to hear your mental health is also getting better, I'm cheering you on from the other side of the pond!! There are so many people come on here daily saying they want to quit but really they don't want to, it's just a place to vent but so far you have stuck to it...in 9 days you'll be 2 months gamble free. AMAZING! Keep it up.

Sorry for the long winded posts.

Hi Amanda...just a quickie as under pressure for time now...will write to you properly soon. Congrats and what a relief with no jail time.Im so happy for you. Well done on keeping gamble free...this is a new start for you now...onwards and upwards X

Hey Amanda, hope you're doing ok and still staying strong.

Dannyp, Thank you for cheering me on! I am doing well still, just waiting for the sentencing to come up, sorry I haven't been posting, just been trying to live life the best I can while being on house arrest still. 74 days now! Crazy! I definitely wouldn't have thought this would be possible 90 days ago, so it feels amazing knowing that it is. I know what you mean about almost losing everything, I almost did too, and I too can't even explain how much my husband still being here has helped. Congrats to you for working to pay off your debts and I hope that it stays on track and you have it paid off within the year! Much less stress for you! I know what you mean about the wife thinking you were having an affair, my husband thought the same thing which broke my heart because I would never. I've done a lot of messed up stuff but I would never ever do that to him. I definitely am not one of those people that say they want to quit but really don't. I never want to feel as low as I've felt from all of this ever again in my life. 74 days in and I rarely get gambling thoughts anymore.

Valdab, thank you! It's not 100% certain yet, but that's what the prosecutor is going to recommend, so hopefully the judge agrees. Only 14 more days until we find out!

Thank you both for constantly cheering me on and being here for me through all of this! I appreciate it more than you know. Sorry the post is so long, I haven't posted in a while so I tried to answer most of it all in one post.

Just another quick update. Still GF. (: Almost 3 months now! It’s not hard anymore, I rarely think about it, and when I do think about gambling, it’s only the fact that I haven’t. I’ve had quite a few dreams where I gambled in my dreams and woke up feeling terrible and had to remind myself that it was only a dream. Tomorrow is HOPEFULLY my last court date ever. I go in to get sentenced, and while there is an incredible chance that I will be lucky enough to only get costs and fees, there’s still a possibility that I will get jail time which terrifies me. But, hopefully I just have to pay fees and stuff since we are paying it all back in full tomorrow, and hopefully I will finally get off house arrest. Going crazy being in this house all day every day, lol. Wish me luck for tomorrow please and thank you!!

Good luck Amanda! I hope the judge or whoever decides understands what compulsive gambling actually is. Be vigilant, don't let addiction drag you back!

Good luck Amanda....I have a good feeling for you about this. You have made serious efforts in repaying the debt, you are remorseful and more importantly you have remained gamble free even through all this turmoil. Many people have done far worse things in life...and still come out the other end with a positive ending. I can tell you are a good person. It doesnt really matter what life throws at us...its how we handle it and learn from the tough times that matter. Wishing you the very best of luck...and remember no matter what happens tomorrow, you can hold your head up high fro the way you have handled all of this. The important thing is the move forward, and keep gamble free X

Valdab, Merry go round,

Thank you both so much for the well wishes! Today went amazingly, no jail time, and only on probation until I pay the $780 in fines they charged me with, which I can manage within the next month or two so we still have money left to our name! I couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome, and I’m sooo thankful for it! I will absolutely be remaining gamble free, I almost lost everything that means anything to me and I’m not doing that again. Thank you again!

Great news Amanda...delighted it went well for you. You can concentrate on your future now and recovery X

Thank you Valdab! Absolutely what I plan on doing. (: Over the 90 day mark now!

Congrats Amanda, amazing what you’ve achieved!

Thank you so much Whip94! It’s been hard work, but well worth it! (:

Made it past the 100 day mark! Had a really rough couple of days, was in a really bad place, but still didn’t gamble!

Good job, amanda and congratulations for no jail time! I am as well in a bad place but I still don’t gamble. Good luck on getting your life together.

Congratulations on reaching the 100 day mark that is an excellent achievement....keep it up.

Sorry I haven't been replying, I've been on my rotational leave and enjoying time home with the family once again. It's great to hear that you received no jail time and that this ordeal is almost over for you. It's also great that you've remained gamble free through the tough times, that should put you in a good position to keep it up.

Good luck in the future with everything.