scared

Hi merc, so sorry you have had a relapse and well done for not allowing it to continue. Reading the diaries helps you realise you are not alone, we all have the same complusion and controlling it and not letting it control you is the key. Why we do it, who knows? But it has been done and now we have to deal with it.

I have been in the same position as you and have had to tell my husband twice. It's a horrible feeling but, in order to embrace recovery it is necessary to be open and honest (qualities we lack whilst in the grip of this evil addiction).

Blocking software, counselling, exclusions are all measures which should be considered for a better chance of recovery. Pop on to the chat room tonight 8 -9pm and you will be welcomed and I'm sure you will recieve some good advice.

Take care sweetheart, you can do it xxxx

Thanks Annie for replying, I know I need to tell him but am so scared. He has been really supportive in the the past taking me to GA meetings and he does understand it's an illness but I promised him last time was the last time and I wouldn't blame him if he left. I have found a women only GA meeting that I hope I can get to but not for a couple of weeks due to my shifts at work which I hope will help along with this site. I really don't want to feel like this anymore worrying about money and what it's doing to my Oh so tomorrow is day one of a new chapter in my life.

Hi your story is so similar to mine I had stopped for 4 months and this weekend blew 800 in one night. It was horrific. But it does go to show that you can do it and want to. I have gamblock installed and it was great as had no access to any gambling sites but for some reason I managed to get on one on Saturday night. i have re-installed the software and it is now protecting me again from going on line. I would recommend getting it as it takes the temptation away. I hope things go ok with OH and he gives you support again. wishing you all the best x

Hi Mercx and welcome to the forum . My names Alan and like you I'm a compulsive gambler, I think that for your husband to believe you , there needs to be some blocks in place to stop you gambling like installing blocking software on all of your devices to stop you accessing the sites , and also think about handing all finances over to your OH as well, have you thought about counciling ? ,its free through gamcare and maybe worth a shot !.

Our gambling thrives on secrecy right ?, so I think he does need to know and as difficult as it is ,better it comes from you and at a time that suits you rather than him finding out when your not ready to deal with it !.

If you show him these blocks and that your'e going to deal with your addiction properly this time , I see no reason why he wouldn't support you through this .

Take care for now and best wishes .........................Alan

Thankyou Mary and Alan for replying and I am going to tell my oh in a letter as I can't speak to him and truly tell him in person as I know I will just get upset and wI'll not be able to explain everything I want to. I just hope he doesn't leave but wouldn't blame him if he did. I know for certain that whatever the outcome of me and him I am more determined than ever to stop gambling after reading some of the amazing stories on here and I will go back to GA as I don't want to live a life of lies and secrecy that this addiction has caused am just so sorry that I have to cause more hurt and upset to my Oh. I need to take it one day at a time and not spend one more penny on this evil addiction.

I wish you well Mercx , look after yourself and if it helps keep posting as were all here for support !

Bestnwishes ...... Alan

Well have finally told my Oh in a letter but not spoke to him yet as I'm working tonight have also confessed everything to my daughter tonight who has been very supportive and is going to take over my finances if my Oh does leave. I will be attending Ga a week on Monday and have asked work for every Monday off so I can attend every week. Think I will feel better when I know one way or another what my other half is planning on doing and I keep coming on here reading the forums which helps.

Hi Mercx , That's taken some guts to do and you should be proud .

I think when I told my partner and kids it was one of the most difficult yet empowering thing's I've ever done , I also couldn't go on with the lies to myself and them and it allowed me to move forward with recovery ,

I really hope that you get your OH support and I'm sure that once He sees your making such an effort and handing control of finances to your daughter who's being supportive of you ,plus the GA side of things , he'll begin to realise that your serious about giving up gambling.

Great positive start and I hope thing's turn out well !

Welcome to recovery !

Thanks Alan for replying I really hope he does support me and if he doesn't I have no one else but myself to blame but regardless of what happens I know I have the full support of my daughter and I will attend my Ga meetings because I need to kick this habit not just for my partner or daughter but for me as I don't like the person I have become. I don't want to live a life of lies and secrets anymore worrying about the bank statements coming or red letters because I can't pay my bills. I work 12 hour shifts as a nurse and work really hard and I can't let this addiction control me anymore. I want to be able to go out for a nice meal, go on holiday treat my family not make the gambling sites profits bigger so whatever happens I am not going to give one single penny of my wages to this evil addiction anymore.

Hi, xmercx,

Well done on telling your OH, I'd endorse Alan's advice to show him and keep showing him the measures you're taking to overcome the addiction. Blocking software, SE, downgraded phone and Visa card, approaching creditors or arranging via StepChange. You will need someone to manage your finances, it's vital to hand over full financial control. At the same time, show him that you're willing to sort out your own mess, rather than handing it over to him to clear up for you.

re GA, a week on Monday? The website would list meetings that you could go to in the meantime. As part of the process of showing him that you're serious, rather than finding excuses not to go immediately.

CW

The reason why the meeting is a week on Monday is due to work commitments. The group I will be attending is a women only group like I said in my first post I did attend a Ga group which was mostly men which I found very uncomfortable. I have asked work for every Monday off so I can attend on a regular basis so it's not an excuse and I find it really harsh you thinking that as for creditors I don't have any apart from my normal bills I haven't got payday loans or credit cards I didn't luckily do that. I know I have a gambling problem and I am getting help along with ga support from my daughter and after speaking with someone from gamcare but your reply about me looking for excuses was unfair and has totally put me off coming bk to this forum cynical wife!!!!

Hey merc...I did think the same love...I read your post to be very posative...trying hard..and facing the music....well done to you....I think the response from cw was a bit abrupt....but I'm sure nothing more than help was intended....we have to recover in our own way...and at our time...it's your recovery...no one else's....please don't let it put you off coming here...xx

Thanks loxxie I found it really difficult coming on here to start with actually admitting I am a compulsive gambler was terrifying but I know I need help which I will be getting. I have yet to find out what my Oh is intending on doing as not spoke to him since he read my letter as have just finished a night shift. My daughter is coming down today to put a block on my Internet so I can't access any gambling sites I was also going to try the chat room tonight as my first night off this week. I have found this forum really positive so just upset someone posting I was looking for an excuse not to attend Ga and if I wasn't serious I wouldn't be on here or risk losing my 7 year relationship with my Oh by being totally honest with him and my daughter. On a more positive note 2 days of no gambling not one penny.

Well done xmercx - hope it goes well with your OH. 2 days gamble free is a great start!