Stopped and started and back to stopping

Hi everyone, I’ve struggled with a gambling problem for quite a few years and to be honest with help and encouragement from my wife, I stayed well away from gambling until tonight by doing something silly by signing up to an account and gambling and if I’m honest I didn’t even enjoy doing it, straight after I’ve joined gamcare and uploaded my driving license and banned all for the maximum of five years. This is my 1st step, secondly I’m going to be honest with my wife and explain what I did as I don’t want to lie my way out and cover it by the ways many of us know how to. for me the only reason I can even think of doing what I’ve done is due to lost and bad health of some family members and how I’m feeling inside and most of us here know when we feel bad we gamble and forget about everything else as when your watching the races or playing the machines your mind is completely thoughtless, which is an amazing feeling until after the money is gone, then we have that sinking feeling of what have I just done, how am I going to fix this, and while we have all this going on in our heads we pretend to our closed, that we don’t have any worries and all is well in the world, and the reality is…. We are screaming for help. I hope some of you can relate to how gambling has and does make me feel, for a long time I felt trapped and when I wasn’t  gambling for me everything in life would be better. And by coming here looking for support and to try and support others is another step I,m taking to hopefully and finally lose my addiction to gambling.