Hi all,
I started gambling at the age of about 12. Living in a seaside town no doubt fuelled that. Also (and without attaching any blame) my non gambling parents didn’t help by allowing me to do so. Not understanding the harm it was doing, all they would say was it was a waste of money but hey if that’s what I wanted to do with my pocket money...
Over 35 years later, an estimated more than £250,000 down, after well in excess of 100 attempts to stop followed by 100 relapses, I think I may've finally stopped my nemesis, online slots, for good.
I’ve self excluded from dozens of online sites in the past 15 years and every time I did so 5 new ones have pop up. More so recently. How many times have I experienced that feeling of excitement just a few days after self excluding, back on my sofa registering my details into a new gambling site, trying to justify it to myself only to get that all to familiar feeling of hopelessness overwhelm me a week later when I find my self sat on the same sofa at 3 in the morning, self excluding from the new website £150, £500 sometimes £5,000 poorer.
I have built up big debts but currently earn a lot of money so it’s manageable in that respect. I justify it to myself that I can afford it but of course gambling doesn’t work like that. I do have a switch off button that I have always been able to press before my losses get ‘too bad’. In that respect I am lucky. However, I always wonder, what if... What if in one of my chasing the losses phases it escalates so quickly it catches me off guard, I don’t press it and within hours, maybe minutes, I lose everything. Everything I have worked (and still do) so hard to build up would be gone in an instance. My house, family life, my multi million pound business, my £80k car.
I’ve come to understand there is no rationale that can be applied to this habit. Clearly. Otherwise I would be perfectly content with the lifestyle I have and never ever gamble again. Personally I do it to switch off, to de-stress. To enter a twilight world where the spinning reels and the anticipation that goes with each and every spin is my only focus. All other thoughts are all but vanquished. It’s always a nice place to start with. A better place still when the wins start rolling. But of course all good things must come to an end and apart the very few times I have left a gambling phase with a profit (a phase usually being somewhere between 5 days and 6 weeks), I end it with a loss, normally a heavy one. Rinse and repeat.
I think this time is different and it’s been a LONG time coming. Namely GAMSTOP. For those that don’t know, it went live earlier in the week and is phase 1of its rollout. With one simple 2 minute registration process you can been blanket banned from every regulated online casino. There are some not yet signed up but the list is ever growing and I believe will be all encompassing within a few months. I’ve banned myself for the maximum 5 years. It’s an absolute no brainier for me.
However it comes with a caveat. A big one. The casinos themselves. Don’t EVER be fooled into thinking they have come on board willingly. Like hell have they. These lowlife s******s will hate this as who do they get their money from? Not the guy who bets a bit, wins a bit and losses a bit. From us, the gambling addicts. They will ultimately have to comply with this but if anybody is thinking they are taking it lightly you are deluding yourself. They will already be looking at loopholes, work arounds and other devious ways to hook us, their lifeblood, back in.
But it’s good news for us for now though. If you are fed up with the gambling cycle that you have become stuck in, don’t wait, do it now, you won’t regret it. The feeling of joy and freedom with knowing that you CANT gamble is one that overrides any elation I’ve had from any single slots win for sure.
Hi Ukds69, I resonate with your story very well in that I also thankfully have a switch off button...and have managed to stop before I did so much damage that it could not be repaired. Gamble free now for about 6 weeks but the worry is always there...what if I wasnt able to stop...what if I couldnt hit that stop button in time...where would it end. I often wonder if this was the thing that kept me going back...repeating the gambling binge cycle...was it because I fet 'safe' enough that I wouldnt do toooo much damage financially. I havent hit rock bottom so to speak as things are manageable thankfully. But make no mistake, the damage that comes with addiction this is not just financial. That is the only part we see, the only tangible part. It has changed me internally in so many ways...less sociable, withdrawn, isolating myself, self disappointment and self loating, the secrecy...the secrecy is a big one because you feel like a fraud, presenting yourself in one way to the world yet knowing the true addictive you and the things you have done.Your view on money and the value of money goes out the window...not sure if that ever recovers. Stopping is the only way for me...and these blocks and self exclusions are a life line. However, I completely agree with what you said about the gambling industry finding loopholes to fund its profits. I wrote something similar on here a few days ago. Although it is a hugely welcome tool, we cannot let our guard down, they will find out ways to entice those with addictions. Like you said...they dont make there money from the guy who wins a bit and loses a bit...they rely on comulsive gamblers to make their profits. Gambling for me as I recognise it now was also a form of escapism...yes great when I won, but winning wasn't even the reason I was on those sites. I remember once winning a big amount after playing for only 2 or 3 mins...that was such a let down!! Because I actually wanted to play...the action of play was what I craved...the escapism. I actually felt a bit cheated out of the joy of spinning those reels...was I really going to walk away after only playing for 2 or 3 mins....heck no...I had to play for hours to wind down. So of course I lost the money. The end result is always the same...the money is just a tool.
Hi Valdab, thanks for replying.
Your experiences certainly sound very familiar. It certainly is strange how lucid we are, fully aware we are being conned, yet time and time again we go back. I guess that’s what an addiction is all about.
It was a shame to read you had a relapse shortly after this but hopefully it is now out of your system and it’s onwards and upwards for you to beat this thing.
I am chuffed to bits that Gamstop is finally here as I needed this. I truly hope you find those blocks (after reading you are located in Dublin) that will work for you. I believe it is the ONLY way. Self control for me, evidently, does not work.
I have been seeing a counsellor twice monthly for the past 6 months and this has helped me massively. I wouldn’t say it slowed down the gambling but with every relapse just talking about it helped me understand that little bit more.
I am convinced as well that one day in the future we are going to find out these machines are not as ‘random’ as we are being led to believe. I know they say any patterns you see are not there, but I am just not buying it.
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