Struggling

It’s been a very tough couple of months after a further relapse. 
10 years of wreck less gambling and losing over 250k. It is quite frightening to think of the life I could be living if this addiction didn’t grip my life. 

I had always had a football bet as a young kid growing up, my Dad would always bring me a coupon down to pick some teams, then in adult life still happily the odd £2 every weekend whilst having no desire to gamble any further amounts. 

As a single Dad sharing custody of my young daughter I was able to have amazing trips and holidays together and make some amazing memories, life was good. 

Today I can recall like it was yesterday the moment things started to change, Christmas of 2014 payday with a Xmas bonus, instead of £2 it was a £20. I still do not know what changed within me over that Xmas of 2014, by the end of it I was 10k into my years of savings. I never Regained control after that, loan after loan, credit card after credit card, remortgage after remortgage for the next 10 years and now I find myself in a dark place. 

Relapse after relapse, going through a period of time where I convince myself I am cured from this addiction so open another foreign betting account not on Gamstop to then lose thousands more. That horrible distant feeling of regret, the anxiety, the lack of sleep, heart palpitations, hair loss from the stress. 

I’ve lost over 250k and owe around 47k of that. Paying over £1100 a month across all my debts, it absolutely hideous to think that, that is more than my mortgage payment each month. My gambling addiction is effectively paying off 2 mortgages (That’s what I could of had if I hadn’t of had this addiction) it’s embarrassing. Yet I still do it. 

I asked myself the question of why??….my answer was because I enjoy it and I do, I enjoy the buzz of a bet, it isn’t necessarily about the winning, it is the taking part. It is sad but it is true. 

So many inspirational people are here supporting me and willing me on from the start. 
weirdfish, Pink Lady, G100, Tatman and many more of you. Thank you. 

I hope one day I can say this is all over.