Hi,
I found out a few days ago that my partner has a gambling addiction and has gambled away every bit of money we had our savings everything, he has also run up thousands in loans and owes a number of different people money. This has been going on for over a year and I had no idea he has lied to me every day making up false balances on our bank accounts making excuses when I have asked to see paperwork that accounts are frozen because of all sorts of different reasons I had no reason to doubt him but I'm now kicking myself as to how I could be so stupid to not see something was going on, we've got a six month old little boy and he's left us in a situation where I can't even afford milk for him my parents have had to help me out.
I still love him but don't like the person he has become or know who he is anymore, I want to try and work at it to get through this but I can't currently see past the trust issues but feel I have to give it a chance for the sake of my son,
My heart is breaking for the man I knew and loved and I'm scared I might never get the old him back, how do couples come back from this? I want to help but don't know how we've booked counselling sessions for him and I will take full control of all money and the bank accounts he has also put a self exclusion on his accounts what else can I do? I have also found out that this isn't the first time he's done this and his family have helped him out before we met and I feel angry at them that they have never given me a heads up if they had I could of looked for signs and tried to help sooner before it got to this,
Any help or support is massively appreciated thank you
Firstly do what is right for you and your child. You will know what that is either way theres alot of partners of gamblers on here in fact i think theres a whole section.
secondly just in my opinion it is as much as of a addiction as any drug. For me and in my head i didnt start out gamberling to destroy my life and my familys but before i knew it i was gamberling to try and save it, to pay the debts id gained i was convinced id get that one big win pay the debts and no one need ever know. when in truth even if i had of got that one big win id have put it straight back in anyway hoping to get more.
Being a partner of some one that gambles is just as painfull as being the gambler, Infact probably worse as you have to deal with the reality whilst we are still convinced we can fix it.
For me i had to loose everything and then earn it back before id take the addiction serousley.
Some one alot wiser then myself will be along shortly!
Hi freerunner. I'm so sorry to hear how bad things are. What made him tell you? You can have counselling too. Don't look at taking control of money as a burden, look at it as a way to be safe. My cg has no money, no cards, no access. Cash and receipts. The reason I think family don't tell is their own shame plus they don't realise how bad it gets. If you can get a baby sitter maybe consider a gamanon meeting. There will be lots of help and advice from fellow partners and parents. First thing you have to do is secure all finance. If you have any money keep it separate from his, no joint accounts. His salary can be paid directly to you too. Call gamcare and just talk to someone. Don't keep secrets from family you need support. Keep posting and asking questions. You could start new thread on family and friends section too. Look after you and your baby first.
Hello freerunner86,
You mention here that you have a 6 month old child, and on another forum post you mention that you are also pregnant. As a mother and as a pregnant woman, your wellbeing is an important priority both for you and your family. You posted that your partner will be getting counselling support to help him with his recovery. It is concerning that your partner's gambling left you without money for feeding your infant, even though your parents were able to help you out on that occassion. How do you feel about also using professional support locally for yourself, for example talking with your GP if you feel stressed or if you want information or referrals to local services for mothers and families? Making good use of your available support network and local resources could help you to maintain your resilience and wellbeing.
Please consider calling us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 for more support: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/frontline-services/helpline
Take care,
Forum admin.
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