I’ve done something incredibly stupid over the last few weeks. After getting engaged I had a slight freak out and went to the casino to try and win money for the wedding. I lost £200 so started chasing. I lost all my wages.
Then I went back again a few nights later after withdrawing all the money I’d saved for the ring and proceeded to lose that too just trying to win back what I had lost.
On Friday night after getting paid again I tried winning back what I’d lost. I started winning then it all changed. I ended up losing all my wages bar about £100.
I was very close doing something stupid like suicide but the fact my 8 year old was at mine made me stop.
I have to tell my partner but I am so scared it will break her heart.
I have had a history of gambling and had it mildly under control until recently where I started a new job where I would walk passed the casino after every shift to get home. I had lost before but never on this sort of scale.
Hi Alex0paul
Thanks for posting on the forum. Please be reassured that if you need to talk or find extra support for your gambling call the National Gambling Helpline on 0808 8020 133 and someone there will be able to talk to you about some of the options you have for helping you to control or beat your addiction. Please don't feel you are alone in this.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Similar to mine pressure is a trigger. I bought 2/3 of xmas presents. Then my brain said go to the bookies imagine the xmas i could give my family if only i won some extra money. Then i lost 100 i couldnt afford. Chased the loss and ended up loosing more. Then i went in to a frenzy of guilt and that i wish i wasnt here.
I told my partner that im evil and i will go to hell cos im a horrible person. He said to me im not a bad person im a fool and do stupid things. Tell your partner what you did. You have more chance repeating the process again keeping it bottled up.
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and wi5h an addiction our mind plays tricks with us tells us to do it and we could win to do this or do that then we end off worse than we started.
Rebalance your self. Its not the end of the world. We need help then focus on the goals we have without gambling. Deep breaths whats done is done and you cant change it. Make a plan now and stick to it.
Hi Alex0paul
The best bit of advice I got when I turned up here back in 2018 was BLOCKS, YOU CAN'T HAVE TOO MANY BLOCKS IN PLACE. You can get excluded from shops, casinos & online through Gamstop. Even the banks have wised up to having a CG as a customer & can block gambling transactions.
"Very close to doing something stupid like suicide" ?, well now I never thought about suicide though there were many times I went to bed & hoped I wouldn't wake up in the morning. Do you think suicide ends the pain ?,. Let me assure it doesn't, it just passes it on to those you leave behind.
For a CG there's no such thing as having our gambling " Mildly Under Control " we can't stop simple as. So now a gambling den boss has the money you'd have spent on your wedding, you think he/her is riddled with guilt & contemplating suicide ?, I doubt it.
Some may think me harsh but what's missing from your post is a plan of action. It's natural dreading telling your partner the awful truth I don't envy you having been in that position myself. So is it not better to come clean, admit you're a CG, demonstrate intent by telling her what blocks you've put in place, contacting your bank & getting them to advise you about blocking gambling transactions & agreeing to hand over finances to her.
Recovery is a massive commitment. we have an illness, an illness that has become more powerful than ourselves, an illness that causes the CG to have the most toxic relationship with money. Only you can decide if you're gonna come clean & tell the truth, a truth which for sure will become evident anyway in time. For me I was backed into a corner with nowhere to hide & had to come clean & admit I had a massive gambling problem/ addiction.,
When I finally did it was a massive shock the amount of debt I'd racked up but as for my addiction in truth everyone knew EXCEPT ME. Years of kidding myself it wasn't a problem & I had it under control or mildly under control. It's painful being honest with oneself sometimes but honesty & soul searching is the starting point to recovery.
Best Wishes & I Hope You Find A Starting Point In Recovery From Which You Can Build Upon
AL
I think about these things… and you know people love you and if you did it. They would be why the £*ck didn’t he tell me. We would’ve worked through it.
I’ve been called all names under sun after and how I’ve messed up. But can work together I’m sure of it be open completely open, but asked for help.
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