the end

Hi Lost,

Welcome to the diaries, you are never alone and are always amongst people who understand. You have done a good thing in recognising your problem and, with help, and strength you can start a better gamble free life. One day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself a bit of kindness never did anyone any harm. I am a self destructive gambler but intend to try and change that, I have never had much willpower but have managed 12 out of 14 days without the demon.

You can do this

Best wishes

Cheryl xxx

Hi !!..I too am a self destructive gambler, when you read the stories on here you soon realise that you are not alone.. we have all woken up up with that sick realisation of what we have done and wish we could turn back time... then convince ourselves it's only a blip and we will never do that again... and so it goes on.. I have found this site an amazing support.. I am 7 days free now...and even though I have a big big mess to deal with at least by not gambling I will have some money to start paying back the thousands I owe. Keep Strong Chin up.. you are in the right place for help xx

thanks for the posts, I just feel my life is over, no money, no hope, no love, no happiness, just completely empty. Where do I go from here - Lost in Life

i just want to pour my soul out and say on here, what I cannot say to her face, I am so so sorry for what i have done. I was a relatively prosperous middle aged man when i found roulette (or did it come to me on the high street ?) My partner and I came together in 2007, a match made in heaven, we came out of our respective marriages relatively well off, (but we live many miles apart so only come together now and again). I noticed roulette one day in the bookied in 2009, mm put a fiver in ten out wow how good is that !!!!! As they say the rest is history a full pension savings pot gone in five years (bout K100). When me met we had dreams, a house in Spain etc etc, but unknown to her i was chasing my losses on the on-line roulette, i have confessed to her on many occasions, promised never again but ........................ i have kept chasing those losses now .................... trying to survive on a few quid a week for food/petrol/spends. It is gut-renching, a whole life of hard working and saving gone in a few years (it is un-recoverable), so i can't say sorry again to her face, because she thinks i quit a year ago ................. but we all now the truth quitting is so hard, saw a guy in a casino pick up K10 last nite, i as always lost. So now i am finished with it all, where will i go from here, the 'poor farm' no doubt, for now back to my bed until the stomach stops churning and the complete fatigue dissapears - SO SORRY MY LOVE FOR SHATTERING OUR DREAMS (YOUR DREAMS) I LOVE YOU DEEPLY, and i have failed you. Finally thanks to the gambling industry for becoming so much more pro-active, we never knew you were there until the bookies got fotb's into the shops and the internet pushed you into our faces. I hate you with such a passion i wish i could shut every bookies from tonight. Sleep well on your ill gotten gains from my hard-work. I hope the guy in the sky will judge you all when you get there Mr Directors of .. ......... ... .... ..... etc etc. I am so angry.

have you tried to get help?

i'm an addict and there is lots of help out there

Gamcare offers help and counselling why not give it a try?

Dear Lost My life

Oh how I howl out in emapthy to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I too discovered online roulette....I lost big 30k and then stopped for three years and unimaginably have gone and lost nearly 20k of my hard earned savings which I had acrrued (I am also middle aged). Well, the thing is this: 1) you still have your beloved and what you need to do (in my humble opinion) is this: FORGIVE AND ACCEPT yourself. No easy task. 2) I have come across an amazing book called "from surviving to thriving " and it's all about complex childhood post traumatic stress..I am at last starting to make links. Please buy this if you can for it has given me hope. 3) contact gamcare from some discreet telephone counselling. 4) Sorry to be telling you what to do...I am a bossy teacher!! On saturday I was so furious with the bank for letting me max out my overdraft I said I fel suicidal and ended up with the police on my doorstep. I think we SHOULD ALL LOBBY OUR MPS TO GET PARLIAMENT CHANGED!!!! Please please think of the roulette hell and hwat it may be telling you. I realised the agony/sick/out of control LOSS was very similar to an early sense of childhood trauma. When you start makintg links it sorts of helps you try and stop gambling and forgive yourself. I think I read here that gambling is almost like putting your hand on an electric fence just to see if it hurts. Okay, the money has gone and can't be got back but YOU ARE STILL HERE MY FRIEND. I have lied to those I dearly love and can't bring myself to tell the truth but the ocmbination of reading this book which has given me insights in addition to gamcare and the telephone counselling has stopped me from ending it all to now having hope. Also...PLEASE look at meditation. I went to a mindfulness session (yes, it was worth the 2 I had ear makred for my tea now that I can't use my bank card and ma reduced to pawning what little I have left). Happiness lies within and not without. I hope my opinions off you some little tiny roads away from that BLOODY online hellish machine.....PLEASE remember that you can stop "homorraging your happpiness". Try to find out what is at the root of it. For me, I guess it was chronic unworthiness...my mother's fear of loss/money and my complete discomfort with happiness. However, I've been back to hell to claw out this diamond of insight and am staying above ground. BREATHE. honestly. BREATHE deeply and have a look at mindfulness but first of all remember you are loved...you do love...and crushingly painful and suffocating though it is to lose the money...look in your heart and try to see that the treasure lies within. Every breath is golden, no two moments are ever the same...this too will pass. Hope this helps x